For the boys, psychological patriarchy & toxic masculinity explained | Khadija Mbowe

I’m blaaaaccckkk! Had a lot of fun making this one (hence its length lol) hope y’all enjoy it and enjoy meeting Hippie Khadija aka Moonshine. Time stamps are in the description as well as some resources for our dude friends! 💕

I didn't realize indifference was a part of toxic masculinity. I only ever focused on the performative tough guy stuff as being bad, but not the passive 'yeah whatever'-ing I always do when someone I know tries to talk about their feelings and stuff... YIKES

As a male I find it SO HARD to be friends with men, maybe it's the conservative area I'm in but women are so much easier to talk to. I would love to be friends with men but there's this instant guard that comes up and it's very frustrating and sad. I'm also a gay man and have no idea how to date men....even gay men have trouble with vulnerability.

As a male therapist with mostly male clients, you have no idea how on track you are with your points. No matter what issue the client comes to me with, we always seem to orbit back to masculinity and how it needs to be deconstructed to value wholeness and connection with others. It's so easy for men to blame feminism and womanist movements when patriarchy is so much more ingrained and internalized.

My dad (a big ol' Mexican-American Marine) has finally started opening up in the past several years, and we've realized he's such a soft boy! He loves things, he gets emotional over movies, he cracks more jokes, and we've never seen this side of him because he's been stuck in an environment where he had to be The Man all the time.

“This is why you wait to get married to go to the park!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I CAANT 🤣🤣!

I work at a domestic violence shelter and this is a message I have been trying to get out. I’ve seen how men hurt each other and themselves. Seeing the sons of the abuser imitating his toxic behaviors. We are currently updating our shelter to house men. Unfortunately some of my coworkers are not taking it well.

"a lot of men use their partner's as therapists" and that is why so many recently divorced men commit suicide, they are to afraid to be vulnerable and they have lost the one person they felt comfortable around.

As a feminist who is white, I loved your description of White Feminism, I think it's the most concise explanation I've heard for the problems with the "here's how to get the same 6 figure salary your brother and father and other white male relatives have" style of feminism.

wow you're such a breath of fresh air on youtube, it's rare finding commentary channels without the "why i'm right and you're wrong" content. The fact that you're gorgeus is a plus!

Beauty in the way the story is reported

Not even two minutes in, and the description of Narcissus as a fable about a lack, rather than an excess, of self-love already has me shook. I had to pause the video to absorb that. Great work

The great thing about being a trans guy is that I got to do 'feminine' things like .... have emotions as a child, but the shitty thing is that I then decided that fitting every toxic male stereotype was the best way to tell everyone that I was 'valid' as a man. Thankfully, I figured out that 1. that's stupid and 2. cis people that wouldn't respect me without the performance won't respect me any more with it.

Oh darling...Spiritual Khadija is me 25 years ago so I am quite invested in her lol. My daughter recommended your channel to me and I am delighted to subscribe. You have so many good strong things to say and say them so very well. Life is complicated and I feel that you understand that. Blessings from Scotland xx

It's interesting, I was watching this video like...is she talking about me? As a black woman , I was socialized to hide my emotions and give off a facade of "toughness" or "unbotheredness". I've never felt safe to show any vulnerability...the few times I've done so, I've literally been mocked, laughed at or dismissed.

"The rage of my female ancestors telling me to KICK this coloniser out of my bed." 💀💀💀

"You are not your thoughts, you are the AWARENESS of your thoughts." My therapist said the same thing to me last week but the way you said it hit different! Love the vibes!

I've been in 3 serious relationships with men. One of them was never able to open up to me, one didnt have that barrier and was able to tell me his thoughts and feelings, and the other took time. I asked him a lot of questions over time and he answered me to the best of his ability. We learned a lot about each other through that. I feel so bad for the men who dont think that they can open up. I hope that the world allows them have feelings besides anger as time goes on

As a black adult male, i have grown up with some of these stuff, cause (sadly) i can see and have seen a lot of this stuff is common. Like the fact my mom raised me and my sister, alone. Reasons? My sister's dad and my mom simply didn't get along after a while, and because of some conflict between them they broke up. (And also his mom was really racist, and my older sister being lightskin black/mixed, the anger and bad threatment made the whole relationship just NOT work.) And my own dad? Well, he passed away when i was 5, he was a pretty old man tho. (RIP) And yeah... My mom didn't know how to properly raise a boy because she never did it and was alone. So being physically and psychologically abused by her own bad days, few mine and even sometimes by my own sister too, taking all of that pain as a not even 10yo kid and all the "stop crying cause i'm a man" and "stop being violent" or "being angry" this n that was trauma inducing. (As in Trauma, i mean that when a woman has a "rage moment" or starts speaking up, i basically cower in fear. Yup.) And also grew up on bad schools n grew with barely any friends and some are gone cause TOXIC n stuff, they all called me ret- cause of those "Bipolar" anger fits. (I ended up breaking classrooms and putting people on the hospital. I was blinded by anger, couldn't stop.) And with my mom just saying to doctors "give him a heavier dose n make em shut up" was the solution and never did i speak when i couldn't. (Monthly Drug injections) Only of recently i have began gaining inner peace and happiness with a new doctor, actual working medication, an actual good psychiatriss, none of my mom's interferance and only now, as a 22yo i can finally get diagnosed with "Bipolar Depression." Don't worry people who read, i'm fine and getting better! But yes, it was hard growing up, but it won't be hard anymore! ( Also i can't speak of relations cause never had em )

This is such a good conversation to have. It has been especially weird for me as a trans man, being "socialized" as a girl I am pretty good at expressing my emotions. But my experience has often been that the girls who were interested in me were turned off by this, they said I was too sensitive and they preferred "tough" guys. My current girlfriend said it was a breath of fresh air that she doesnt have to pry emotions out of me. It's so wild how society conditions what we seek in romantic partners