pretty girl gone ugly, the "undesirable" woman | Khadija Mbowe

The ugly privilege thing pisses me off because ugly women get harassed by men all the time!!! But it's not sexual, it's insults. It's slurs. It's not being allowed into a place, being openly laughed at and mocked, even having things thrown at you! Being ugly does not protect you from men, it just makes men hate you in a different way. These women may not reach that level of ugliness, but a lot of women do. And they are completely ignored and left out of these conversations. It sucks to be left out by all sides.

“Boo-hoo my n** I ain’t sad you won’t fuck me” is seriously the energy I needed in pop music. I love it so much.

Can I also point out how concerning it is that the first thing people accuse women of, whenever they do anything out of what they are expected, is "crazy", "unstable", "mentally ill"? Like, it's 2023 and people keep saying they are progressive and evolved, but would still love to pull witch trials and sentence women to a sanatorium just for daring to doing something out of the norm

Daja Cat, Katy Perry, and Kristen Stewart all went bold enough to see what it’s like to not be in the male gaze for once and see how society views them. Men have way too much power

people treat you like shit if you're hot and treat you like shit if you're ugly, you're right, they just treat women like shit, can't avoid it, might as well look like you wanna look

The fact that when she shaved her head people were like " oh my god she's depressed" "she needs therapy" is both hilarious and crazy.

Being typically sexually attractive has led to a lifetime of being prey, never feeling safe, many sexual assault incidents. I’ve recently gone Goth/punk, which I’ve secretly always loved but because of the box I was in I was too afraid to embrace, I make myself look as unapproachable as possible these days

I didn’t mind that she changed her aesthetic, in fact I loved it. My only issue is her BOYFRIEND. He is a groomer, and Doja blocked his victims when they tried to reach out to her. I don’t have any respect for any woman that defends a man like that

Coming from a trans dude, the way people treated me when I cut my hair off and stopped wearing makeup was appalling and embarassing for the whole human race.

As an asexual woman, I get told that I'm too pretty to be asexual and that I'm leading people on. What the hell is that even supposed to mean? I got called out in a predominantly male dominated martial art for "wearing too much make-up." It is absolutely damning and plays into harmful stereotypes. So now I just live in sportswear and stopped wearing make-up.

As a disabled and feminine person, I used to feel obligated to dress up pretty because then people would actually respect me. Instead of seeing my autistic traits as something to be made fun of, people around me took a full 180 and started sexualizing it. What was once weird and unsociable became cute and quirky based off of how I was presenting myself. Even now, not feeling as pressured to dress as feminine, I notice on a daily basis how different people act to me based off of how I present myself. I see it happening to other disabled people all the time and frankly I'm extremely tired of it.

The "I don't like having hair" thing resonates so hard with me. I love being bald and people have a hard time believing that I do it for me. It does feel sexy and cute but I'd be lying if I said that it isn't a perk that it keeps specific types of people away from me. Small rant: has anyone ever noticed that in media short hair on women always translates to either "masculine" or "wild girl/rebel", but female characters with short hair tend to have longer hair after they're in a relationship with a man. I certainly have had men try to talk me into growing my hair out, but contrary to how it works in the movies it's never happened for them.

It’s so sad how most people can’t deal with a pretty woman not pandering to their gaze. If you don’t care about being pretty above all else, they’ll all call you crazy.

It’s also especially exhausting that as a Black woman I have to perform desirability in order to be treated like a human being.

the whole thing of people expecting women to WANT to be desired and sexualized if they appear to fit beauty standards can be dangerous too. Like just today it was reported that a 15 YEAR OLD GIRL was STABBED TO DEATH on a bus in Croydon, London after "rejecting" a boy's flowers

I'm a woman who changes my hair a lot too. When I was in high school, I had a haircutting "accident" which resulted in me having very short hair for a while. The amount of people who were OFFENDED by my short hair was INSANE. They really thought they could hurt me by saying I looked like a boy.

I hate the argument that someone "ugly" isn't attractive enough to be assaulted. Especially when men will regularly admit that they can easily have sex with a girl they don't even like or have any kind of feelings for.

I felt her so bad when she was talking about her lifelong dislike of having hair. I always felt like my hair was just an accessory like a hat or belt, never part of me or necessary for that matter. Anyway Khadija this look is auntie DOWNNNN

People really do hate alternative people. This is how some of us present ourselves daily and we see the stares and the people taking pictures and videos. People are so use to being monotonous and everyone looking the "same" that anyone who decides to be themselves, they are the weird ones. We live on a FLOATING ROCK, wear and look how you want!

It is absolutely true, the more conventionally attractive you are, the more opportunities, chances, options, resources, attention you're going to get. People will be willing to break the law or overlook mistakes. When I lost 30 pounds and started dressing in a more stereotypically feminine way, life suddenly became much different. People would bend over backwards and offer to do stuff for me for no reason. It's more sad than flattering to be honest.