Avoidants don’t communicate

My FA always told me he was scared that he was going to 'hurt me', eventually I called him out and said I think you're equally scared of being hurt and he admitted to it. In hindsight, I realised his comments about hurting me was about him assuming he was never going to be enough for me, that he would fail and disappoint me, and that as soon as I would realise he was the things he felt about himself (inadequate), I would leave him. It's just such a sad thing to witness, but there's nothing you can say or do to fix it unless they do the work for themselves. They end up becoming their own self fulfilling prophecy by the way they act. Back to the video, yes, the lack of communication is huge, my FA would normally only express his truth over text (so there was a physical distance), usually blame me in some way, distance himself for days or even weeks before coming back like nothing happened 😒 You deserve more subscribers, your videos are gold. Short and to the point, pure facts, no 20 minute fluff with a course you're selling on the side. Thank you :)

It's like standing in a tornado at the center and hoping someone can hear you on the outside. Truly powerless in your resolve to be a good person. Every word falling on deaf ears.

When I asked him for a commitment I told him I didn’t want to put him on the spot so I wanted him to process and then let me know how he felt about that. I left his place, didn’t hear from him for TWO WEEKS. Then he texted me, “Hey, you just crossed my mind.” Crossed your mind?!? I just asked if you were willing to commit to me and am awaiting your reply! But that’s how avoidant he is. He cannot handle direct communication. It’s so sad and hard to deal with so we ended it.

All relationships with avoidants fail. All. Ultimately. They all do. Learn early and get out before you waste your years on nothing

Avoidants are so focused on testing their love interest to make sure he/she will be a good partner that they don’t even notice that in the process... THEY have become a terrible partner! We have to let people walk away. I will not hide what I feel. I will NEVER sugarcoat what I say. Radical honesty is my highest calling and my greatest value. I only accept consistency. I deserve it. I accept nothing less than being treated as the queen I AM.

I was best friends with a psychopath. I always admired how calm he was. Cool and calm. He was a nice guy. Former preacher. He always drove as fast as he could. Drove in the left lane. He faked empathy. He future-faked me all the time. He betrayed me in the end. After 12 years of friendship. I now realize that psychopaths want to see you beg. It makes them feel powerful. He did the same thing to his ex wife. He abandoned her when she was pregnant with their baby. He refused to help her. I now understand why she despises him so much. He has no conscience. He lies to everyone. He steals every chance he gets. If you meet someone who shows little emotion, watch out!

So true that why they gaslight because they can't communicate properly a little deep but it's all about understanding..

The older they get, the more narcissist they become... I finally walked away from her.... She is a 58 year old child.... I gave more than I originally had

I didn't know anything about attachment styles. Only after the third break-up almost 3 months ago, I found out that my Ex is a DA and the lack of communication has led to misunderstanding and when I asked him for clarification, he felt like being controlled and broke up .

Thanks coach. You have described my ex as an exactly. The love bombing, the discard. Been through it twice with her already bummer is we were really good friends before we got together. Wish I never went there. Wish I would’ve seen your videos before. Now with picking up the shattered pieces of my heart. The pain is unbearable, but I know if she did come back I would have to say no. Just sucks after six week of no contact. I don’t feel any better. I know it just takes time. Just wish I had a time machine.

The saddest truth is avoidance are committed to hurting themselves.Xxx

Thank you so much for your videos. They helped me (47M) so much. It has only been two weeks since discovering what an avoidant is, and how I got stuck in a bad cycle with her (49F). I adored her. I did everything for her, day and night, but every time we had some fantastic days, she was suddenly gone. Busy. Not responding... It drove me insane. At least now, I understand why. Why she is "a bad texter", why she never wrote me a love letter, why she didn't introduce me to her family, ... I feel so bad at the moment and she probably is not thinking of me at all. In a way, she cant help it, but she IS nevertheless responsible for her own behaviour. Thanks again Coach Ryan. You made me understand why it all went to hell. I thought it was me being too demanding.....

Another great video! And THANK YOU for not making us look at the scary-creepy fish painting.

Why do they have no problem being emotional support for others but no where to be found when i need them?

You are so bang on with all your videos! I wish she hadnt blocked me, because id send her everyone of em! Each video i watch of yours, im feeling better and better. 🙏🏻

Meanwhile they self destruct…

I found your videos and I like to thank you for that!!! I finally understand what I have been going through for over 3 yrs with my now ex partner. I feel supported for the first time.💚

Ty so so much.

I die of grief and rage and loneliness I want to die grief and rage rape me my soul is tortured and tormented and haunted and raped I'm lonely as all hell I've been raped all my life I cannot wait to die MY VOICE HAS BEEN SILENCED MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL SACRED MIRACULOUS VOICE. MY VOICE IS MY MAGICAL GIFT OF TRANSMUTATION! that being said, all my life... I have given people access to me in ways that I should not have EVER granted them access now, I want to scream at the top of my lungs: FUCK OFF!! YOU DO NOT GET TO HAVE ACCESS TO ME IN THAT WAY!! THE DOOR IS NOT OPEN!! YOU MAY NOT COME IN!! ACCESS DENIED!! I've been programmed my whole life to be silent, conditioned to have no boundaries...

What about when they think they communicated but they truthfully didn’t?