Projective Identification Explained (Defense Mechanisms Made Easy)

"You behave so disrespectfully and coercive", my dad, who shamed, demeaned and pressured me about anything from adolescence into adulthood. Then I became less patient and more aggressive in time with growing despair. Bonus projections: "You let people down all the time," "you just sit around doing nothing," while that's exactly him, and still I found myself more and more discouraged and reclusive. "you never come out with the truth to me", while I get increasingly reserved about sharing anything with him. "You never carry through, lose interest quickly, and can't get along with anyone"...

I can sense the relief the Borderline gets from getting a rise out of me during one of these splits/projections. I no longer fight back, I employ the gray-rock method and appear completely emotionless. One time, I gray-rocked her and it sent her into a crazed rage, her coping mechanism was interrupted and she couldn't handle it.

Pattie Hughes (Glen Close) does a lot of projected identification in Damages TV series. I’ve witnessed/experienced it, so I can now see it onscreen. The target feels confused after, and aware of having been emotionally manipulated. Is it the same as baiting, wilful provocation and reactive abuse? All try to induce an angry/shameful reaction.

This was well explained. I was having a hard time understanding the definition but this was great. Thank you

I really appreciate knowing there’s a specific concept for what I experience with my family member who is likely borderline. I see this play out now without being swept in, because I can sense the chain of events after suddenly becoming the “all bad.” It is very harmful to experience the things said that are posed to induce the behavior she’s seeking from me. At this point she is not relentless past a handful of accusatory/ disparaging text messages, but it does hurt each time although it’s become once in a blue moon.

Great video, thank you so much! I'm trying to heal from a breakup with a friend with BPD who lashed out on me. Tbh the experience was super weird. I still doubt myself. When she first accused me of all these things I hadn't said, I felt as though I was going crazy. Had I really done all those things? Was I overly attached and possessive as she claimed? Had I been super rude to her as she claimed? It feels unnatural to just assume she was twisting my words and outright lying and that I was completely innocent. That's not how I usually think. I like to think that if I get in an argument, it's probably my fault as much as the other person's because that's how relationships work: it's a two-way street. Then come this crazy half an hour monologue from my best friend about how rotten I am and how I persecute her. I still doubt myself.

Superb explanation. Thanks for making this one. The only minor feedback I have is it might be helpful if you speak a little slower so that it's easier to process all this information as we listen.

I feel so validated. Thank you.

This video so helpful and I appreciate how you made some of the psycho jargon easier to understand! Great work!

Excellent video and information! Thank you for sharing. So much easier to navigate through this life when there are helpful videos like this! You talk kind of fast for me, but I try my best to keep up. Thanks again. Very helpful!

This was very well done and it totally explained so much for me! Thanks!

really well explained thank you!

Thankyou for a clear explanation.

I love this!, Thank you

In light of the re-inactment and the component of shame/trauma, it's basically a mental virus. I think double-bind communication is related in that way.

I literally just experienced this with my gf less than an hour ago. Then she accused me of being the projectionist. Unfortunately it wasn't a loving type of projection, but a "you never listen to my opinion, you always interrupt me, you start yelling" as she is engaging in that very behavior while I sit and listen to her. So frustrating.

thanks great video

you just got a subscriber, this is a great breakdown, amazing

I had a bpd friend who used to do this kind of thing to me many times. However I never internalized her projections and always stayed calm and acted reasonably, which only seemed to escalate the episode. It was as if the fact that I wasn’t giving in to her accusations and losing my shit in the way she surely would have if the situation were reversed, only made her feel the need to harp on it even more to justify to herself that I was indeed whatever awful thing she was saying I was and she was going to prove it. Unfortunately for her I have incredibly thick skin and never gave her the satisfaction she was looking for, until there was nothing left for her to do but let it go and move on to something/someone else. Don’t let them steamroll you with their bullshit.

slow down, man.