8 Signs of an Avoidant Attachment Style

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“Hey honey, why don’t you ever invite your friends over for your birthday?” Me: “Idk man we’ve only known each other for like 3 years.”

It's like wanting to love and interact with others, but interacting with them subconsciously triggers your flight/fight responsive.

The shallow relationship one hit WAY too close to home. When I look at the people around me, I see degrees of such intense closeness that are apparently a thing, but that I couldn't even imagine for myself, and I struggle (to not say I am unable) to understand how people create such ties. It makes me jealous and angry at the same time; I want to experience intimate friendships and relationships myself, and yet I am downright disgusted by what I hear/see from other people who are close to one another. "How the hell can you bear talking about such things?! It's no one's business!" kind of deal. I hate it, and it's one of the few reasons I've always felt like I'm a weird human being.

Small anecdote: Was with a girl I really liked and had for years. We started dating and I always told myself that if I ever had a girl sing a specific song to me I would marry her on the spot. Well, it happened, and I started panicking, in my chest I could feel that I wasn’t ready for that kind of closeness/openness. The one thing I thought I had wanted for so long was finally happening and I was shaking with fear.

Alternate title. Being personally attacked by a person with a soothing voice for 5 minutes and 20 seconds

I hate it because it's like I WANT friends, but at the same time I don't want people to talk to me? Shucks

I wasn't neglected in my childhood, on the contrary, I was overly protected. My parents worried too much about me and were blaming me for worrying them. So I've always been keeping my pain, physical and emotional, inside. I struggle to tell about how I feel even to a doctor. I either try to cover up any issue with jokes, or feel like I'm gonna cry if I'm trying being serious. It's all the same even if I'm just telling a doctor that my stomach hurts. This video helped me to realize the cause of my behavior. And actually O collected a bingo of symptoms shown here...

This video made me tear up, because it described my entire life, but I swear that I will beat it

I feel so uncomfortable when someone tries to be intimate w me but I crave it in my head it’s good but the execution of it makes me feel horrible, MAN

i told my mom i was an introvert, and her response was "no you're not." okay mother, i guess im not an introvert now. truly, thank you for enlightening me.

I think another reason why avoidant attachment style exists is social bullying. As for me, I've been socially bullied before (talked about, left out, randomly ditched/not talked to, etc.) so when you start to develop another friendship, you feel like that you can't open up because you don't want that to happen again. You weigh your words, you carefully decide what to share and what to keep to yourself, and whenever I make a mistake, I'm worried that I was too vulnerable/emotional. I always wanted to be more cold and careless so I could build a wall for people who think they can get to me. I never liked naturally being an emotional person, since it made me feel like I was weak and naïve. I'm better now, with some exceptions of my weak points. Social bullying has taken a pretty big toll on me, but I'm happy to work to the ground up now. :)

I believe my avoidance began with my own mom. My mom has always been extremely emotional and was very depressed for most of my life, and as a child I felt like I had to be her rock or support. I think this made me associate expressing negative emotions as bad, weak, and burdensome to others since that’s how my mom made me feel. I decided at a young age that if I expressed my own negative emotions to another person I would make them feel how my mom made me feel so I avoided my negative emotions and only expressed my positive ones. There were times that I would go to school so upset and unable to focus on my work because I spent the entire previous night watching my mom sob uncontrollably therefore making me sad. I wish to overcome this as I know now the importance of expressing ALL of my emotions to another person in order to establish a deep connection with them and for someone to get to know me as a person better. Being vulnerable is my biggest weakness and almost feels impossible to do.

Who else wants videos on the other attachment styles?

Who else did the following: 1. Ghosted internet friends 2. Has more acquaintance friends than real ones, if any. 3. Would rather spend painstaking hours figuring something out than ask for help. 4. Cannot express your emotions to others accurately. 5. Feels like a secret agent. 6. Wants someone to get so close to them, but realizes the painful consequences of this. 7. Would rather be alone then surrounded by people and their judgments. 8. Is seen as being cold, strange, unemotional, and mean just for not being emotionally expressive. 9. Hyperanazlyes anything they do that may leave a trace of their emotions, e.g., deletes any video on avoidant attachment in case a sibling or a friend somehow see it on your watch history 10. Finds Bebe Rexha’s “Me, Myself, and I” song to be your anthem. Wow over 700 people feel this way. I’m glad I’m not alone in this and I hope the number comforts you all too that you’re not alone either. 💜

I’m so uncomfortable getting close to new people. They always disappoint me or end up judging me. They’re never as good as they seem and they never love me how i am. I’m too much for them and they don’t understand how needy and insecure i am. When they don’t know me, I’m stronger and less vulnerable. I don’t need validation from people i don’t care about. Don’t hurt me i just can’t take it again.

Hardest part of dating an avoidant for me was the lack of emotional support when I needed it. If I was low, sad and or in distress, she would not be able to provide me any words of support, encouragement or empathy. Not even physical contact like giving me a hug and holding me while I cried. Nothing. She was triggered by my emotions. It felt so lonely. I knew right then and there her and I would not work out in the long run. Not because she didn't care, but she just didn't have it to give.

It's so ironic because I love the idea of being in a secure relationship with a loving partner but when anyone shows the slightest interest in me I completely retract out of fear of being vulnerable and intimate and convince myself I don't like them without even giving them a chance. I'm literally sabotaging my own life.

If there’s no one close to me, then there’s no one that can hurt me. But I hurt myself while simultaneously protecting myself.

it honestly is very frustrating. i've always dreamed of having deep talks, having serious conversations about values with others, but whenever the topic heads there, i never feel "safe". there was one time when i talked about what i truly felt to my best friend for years while we were hanging out together. that time, i surprisingly felt relieved, but of course it didn't last long. when we part that day, i regret everything that i've said, and i don't even know why. it's not like i worry if she would tell my "secrets" (it wasn't even a secret in the first place, just my honest feeling abt a matter) to others (i know for sure she won't), but i feel anxious nevertheless. maybe it's because i'm afraid of being vulnerable. and after i found out about this attachment style, it feels really something to finally be able to give this feeling a name. i wonder what should i do to improve myself though, being avoidant feels "secure" and alright to me now, but surely this will affect my future relationships😅 i hope everyone here can find solutions and improve the quality of your relationships. good luck!