Jordan Peterson ~ What Happens After You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating?

''Because its very difficult to look at people, because they're horrifying and profound creatures. And so everyone walks around behaving so we don't terrify the hell out of each other all the time.''

He is so right with the physical reaction to betrayal. When I found out my partner was cheating, I was shaking, my heart beating out of my chest, could barely breath.....I stayed and for the next 12 years I struggled, I never trusted him again, the pain and fear was woven through everything...I finally left ..... so here I am late 50's and single. Never, never underestimate the destruction and catastrophe of a betrayal.

I could listen Jordan talk for weeks and not get bored. Protect this man at all costs please.

Never forgive the cruelest of betrayals no matter how sorry they are. Living with the pain on a daily of someone's else's actions isn't a good way to live.

Jordan Peterson is the king of getting side tracked then successfully relating it back to what he was saying before

I so get exactly what he means. One massive betrayal, left me so damaged, simply because it made me doubt not only the betrayer, but myself.

1. You grasp reality and grieve. 2. Instead of being depressed take advantage of your value/position. 3. Redesign , Rebuild, Reclaim

So in simple words, when cheated on, you really see the real person. But you CAN'T see it during the relationship, because your feelings and preposition blind you. 😨

After the betrayal I saw a stranger. An unattractive stranger. I saw the actual person and not who I had been seeing through my rose-colored glasses. He was a fantasy and, suddenly, I saw reality and I didn't like him. And the world changed and I saw reality at every turn. I looked at my next husband through open eyes and I saw him as the person he truly was. I saw the real person right from day one. That was half a century ago. I had no illusions and, therefore, no disappointments. So I have lived a life of reality. It shows in the face, Dr. Peterson has said. It's an asset. You always see what is really there. Everywhere. And there is such enjoyment in the simple, truly beautiful things in life. I'm a realist and I became one at a very young age. It was thrust upon me. It was a painful transition but I am thankful. I can not be fooled. I think that's good.

The best thing you can do after a betrayal is to accept it happened, accept that it’s over, you wil never have what you had back, and forgive yourself. Don’t hope things will go back to where it was. It will eat you up. You must move on asap. And you can only do that when you accept what is done is done and there is no going back.

No matter how smart you think you are, this guy helps you remain humble.

Once a person cheats on you it's over, move on to someone else that doesn't cheat on you, see how easy I fixed that?, ( : . Once you find out your wife/husband cheats on you that fact will be with you the rest of your life and NOTHING!!!!!! can fix it or remove it, it will be a part of your life for ever and ever, and it will always be in the back of your mind and it will show up at every moment of your life, the only way to live with this is to not live with it, cut your losses and get the hell away from it, The End.

I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with another man 5 years ago. It killed the part of me that wants to live and love the world. I swear my heart feels like it's Mike Tyson inside there punching my rib cage everytime the scene plays inside my head. I can honestly say it's the worst experience I ever had, and I led an extremely eventful life. I wish I can unsee what I saw. From that moment on I became a different man, I don't feel a thing, everything is just a single grey colour, single tone music... boring. I became lost in a world that I once loved and wanted to explore. I wish I can move on, but it's not that easy... I'll keep trying till the end.

“Everybody walks around behaving so we don’t terrify the hell out of each other all the time”. Brilliance.

Please don’t ever show anger when you find out she cheated on you. The heat of the moment will certainly cause you to get infuriated, but hold on and think, please. Most guys make this mistake of either physically hitting the girl or throwing verbal abuses at her. This is understandable and natural as humans but you have to think for a moment and not let anger get your senses. Here is what happens when you’re angry and hit her or verbally abuse her: You are making it easy for her and hard for yourself. Physical pain when accompanied by emotion cures a way faster than mental pain accompanied by emotion. When you hit her, her emotion entangles with physical pain and since the physical pain doesn’t last long, emotion fades along with it. When you hit her, it gives her the feeling that she might have done the right thing by losing someone who is physically abusive or the feeling that you would have abused her physically if she were to marry you. This is a plus point for her. Here’s what to do: Gather all the evidences together from all those sources that you have been extracting which made you believe that she was a cheat. Get your evidences solid so that you have it when she tries to escape the accusation. Most guys don’t collect enough evidences and the cheater tends to win the argument and hence win you back. This is not to be the case here, you have to have the evidences in hand, that is going to make her speechless and that can make her cry if she’s a human. Now don’t melt down when you see her tears, there are excusable actions and non excusable actvities involved in her cheating phenomenon. So you have to be vigilant enough to differentiate what is excusable to you and what is not entirely excusable. Now that you have evidences in hand. Move on to the next step: Calm down for a moment though you’re angry inside(let it stay in for the moment), think for a moment, if she is physically near you or she’s over the phone, just question her. First question to ask would be : What made you cheat on me? You have to try your hardest to get the truth out of her. You can even fake a cry if you’re over the phone just to make her feel how deeply hurt you are though you’re angry for real(this is a trick to get the truth from her). Listen to her, most girls would give you some stupid answers or even try to defend herself by telling she didn’t do it. You have to get your evidences ready to shoot at the right moment. Why this question is important? When you know what made her cheat on you, you will come to know who she is and what her truth is. This a plus point for you cuz you just came to know the truth about someone with whom you’d have spent your whole damn life with being unhappy until death. When she gives you answers like, I no longer find you attractive or something of that sort that is directed negatively towards you, it’s a plus point for you again. Because you are coming to know something that is negative about yourself, she has been with you for long(that’s what I consider since that’s what to be considered when we say relationship) so she certainly do know something about you, the positives and negatives of course. So listen to it so that you can focus on what’s negative about you and try not to be the same in your next relationship. It’s a double plus point for you. You can ask more similar questions that can help extract more truth from her. About you or about her both are a plus point to you. Asking questions not only helps make it easy for you to forget her but also you’ll come to know why she was the wrong one for you and how you saved yourself from the abyss of hell you were eventually falling into. For the fact what’s painful is losing the right person, losing the wrong person is still a positive move for anyone. Most people realise it when it’s too late, after they marry or have babies and it’s real hard to let go off that person at that point. When she reveals something negative about you, it gives you an opportunity to improve yourself in life which is a necessity. When you don’t show her your anger or physically and verbally abuse her, you’re giving her the hints and positive vibes about yourself, the synapses in her brain will give herself positive feelings about you and when she finds out she’s losing a positive person, it makes it real hard for her. What more pleasant to see than a cheater regretting herself of losing the right person? It’s going to take her quite a time to get you out of her head and the feeling is going to haunt her for so long that it will negatively impact her upcoming relationship too even if she manages to get one into her trap. If it was an excusable action from her, it will still have a positive impact b’coz from now on she will think it double the times before committing the same mistake again as by proving in her eyes you’ve won a bigger space inside of her which scares her more of losing you. Third step should be: If her action was inexcusable, let her go. It’s of course not easy, it’s going to hurt you either way, you can cry and that’s normal. But do not take her back, inexcusable excuses are INEXCUSABLE. So leave her alone. Now, you’ll realise how lonely you are, you’ll be all alone, you won’t be much on your phone if you’re not another kind of asshole who is always after girls and if you’ve truly loved her you wouldn’t try to get another girl asap. Getting into another relationship with the intention of getting over your ex is going to a worse idea ever. You won’t be able to forget your ex and you’re also making it easy for your ex to forget you. When she finds out you immediately took another girl right after breakup, it a plus point for your ex cuz it gives her vibes that you were not the positive person. When you get yourself another girl immediately with that intention of getting over your ex, you’re technically using other human to wipe off your emotion which is not just morally wrong but it never even works cuz it doesn’t help. Try it and you’ll regret. Get yourself off the phone for a moment, give more time to your family, at least that’s what I did. I use to call my mom when I was running through that time and it helps. Or just talk to some old friends who you’ve forgotten about due to the lack of time cuz your ex girlfriend have had consumed you so much. You’ll realise how much you’ve attributed yourself to her that you’ve nearly forgotten about your own self sacrificing life by trying to be someone she wanted you to be. Read some books maybe or write down your feelings, by writing down you’re moving the pain from mind to the paper and it works. Listen to some music and cry. Crying is necessary to squeeze the emotion out of you. If old memories still makes you cry, write them down completely and carefully. If you remember her, write all the wrong things that she has done to you to how much it had hurt you. If it was an excusable action and you took her back: Watch out! Watch her actions. Is she trying hard to gain your trust? Is she trying to prove herself that she really needs you and that she can do anything for you? Did she suddenly stop lying to you? Be in contact with the sources you’ve initially collected evidences about her being a cheat and verify her activities. If you took her back you have to be vigilant because sometimes once a cheater tends to be a cheater nonetheless. Hence, you have watch her and if she’s really into you, she’ll prove it to you. If she screws up again, follow the steps above from 1 except for the fact that now the actions are not left with options of being excusable or inexcusable. There’s only gonna be one option and it’s ‘INEXCUSABLE’. So let her go! It’s not worth your time. Life is too short to live worrying about people who don’t give a shit about us. Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what she was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

Being betrayed and cheated on is not a reflection on me it’s always the true reflection of the other and their poor choices. In some sense there is no predictor for cheating. That’s what makes relationships so risky but beautiful too. People cheat because they don’t love themselves first and if you can’t love yourself you can’t be true to another. They simply won’t last the distance until healing occurs. They don’t get away with anything as they have to face the loss of a true person. Remember who you are, stand tall in the sense that you followed your values and had a moral compass. There are trustworthy people out there.

August 2nd 2014 I was hit by a car at 9:08, I was engaged at the time and being hit by that car out me in coma. In that 48 hours of being in a coma my fiance and best friend were so stricken with grief they decided to sleep together. The way my body reacted was so great that I literally had to move to the other side of the planet to grieve. I lost my future wife and best friend in a fraction of a second. I'm still more traumatized by that then having to relearn to walk again. I'm now at a point where my ability to trust is just absolutely gone. I'll never be able to date again and trying to make friends is not existent. People really got no idea how their actions can destroy another human. Luckily I was smart enough to buy a dog. Will that fill that void now present, now, but it keeps me from suicidal thoughts long enough to get through the day.

"Failure and death is the norm, and it's going to happen to all of you" Perfectly encouraging ending!

You can’t be cheated on if you never get a girlfriend

Happened to me after 19 years of marriage and 5 kids. I have stayed and it broke me mentally physically and emotionally. I am 39 years old and ended up dying on the floor of my bathroom from a massive heart attack. I was saved by EMTs and had surgery to save my life. Betrayal wreaks havoc on your body. I dont know if it will ever feel okay.