The 3 Hidden Psychological Factors of a Healthy Relationship You Should Know

Comment below and let us know which of these factors most resonates with you. Watch a full, exclusive video series on relationship health & mental health HERE: bit.ly/2WJbtrX

Would love to see a series solely on healthy relationships 💕

I love Dr. Lamb. She has been my doctor for many years. She is so compassionate, kind and helped me with many family issues. I don’t have the words to articulate how amazing she is.

WOW! Simply amazing. Kyle's comfortable style and Dr. Lamb's clear and concise answers makes this information easy to digest. Loved it! More! More! 😊

When you forget to do the little things, over years, they add up and become big things, anger can also be a healthy emotion, use it wisely.

There was some brilliant question you asked Kyle: "what if the person you're interacting with-- whoever it is-- doesn't honor your healthy management of anger and exposing yourself emotionally, and rather meets you with reactivity?" I think two elements need to be addressed here: 1. It takes a great strength of character and such a high internal security level to take the risk of being rejected. Those folks are not afraid of people taking advantage of their exposure. They won't care because their value is courage replacing the ‘unhealthy ego’ need for protection. This itself is to be applauded no matter the outcome! 2. What you described sounded very much like 'gaslighting'. In order for us not to lose our energy with the wrong person, a good strategy to think about might be 'educating ourselves first about narcissism', especially the most subtle and dangerous ones of them: the covert and malignant types. Because, if it turns out the person we're dealing with is a narcissist, engaging with them is the least thing we want to do. They're simply not worth our time, energy and investment. We will definitely do ourselves a favor by just ignoring them if we have no possibility to go 'no contact'.

She IS SO good.....her clarity of thought and examples are just what we all need and matches my style of explanation as well. Thank you tons.

This is so relevant right now as couples and families spend more time together than ever. But it's bigger than even that. This kind of revolutionary retooling of basic human interaction is a giant step in the evolution of humankind.

When I visualise what's healthy , I have intolerance for what's toxic with no anxiety guilt or second thoughts.

She is just perfect in explaining these issues!

This video is absolutely perfect and just validated a lot of things I was feeling and thinking. It gave me a moment of self-reflection I absolutely needed.

I'm taking notes! Also the visual explanations are super helpful!

Brilliant interview!! and so useful and actionable. i'll look for more interviews with Dr Lamb.

Thank you so much for this video! So helpful !:)

Thanks for this exquisite intervention! I loved your energy Dr. Lamb and the fact you consider anger as a healthy and beautiful emotion! I couldn't agree more! What is 'anger'? What's its purpose? What's its function? Let's keep in mind most people don't get angry when things are going well! I don't get angry when people are helpful or friendly or kind or cooperative or understanding. I can probably have a lot of peace in a moment like that 😊 I get angry / you get angry when people are harsh or negative or not understanding or critical or not available emotionally. The anger starts building on the inside of you. What's really going on inside of you at that moment. If you look carefully, you'll figure out that anger is tied up to your sense of self-preservation. In fact, we can even say that anger is the emotion of 'self-preservation'. When you feel angry, you want to preserve one of those three ingredients: 1. Your sense of worth "would you please show me respect and treat me as a decent person?" 2. Your legitimate needs "Hey I've got needs; please acknowledge them, recognize them, will you?" 3. Your fundamental convictions which makes of you who you are even when they don't make much sense for the other party. This is some summary of a brilliant therapist video I saw on YouTube a few time ago, but that I can't find I unfortunately... If I may add something to this, I'd say we need to pay attention to the difference between: 1. The anger coming from our narcissistic tendencies-- existing in everybody until we can start being self-aware and reprogram our subconscious; this being extremely different from the NPD whose recovery chances tend to zero. Those tendencies are basically making people very reactive and quickly offended. AND 2. The healthy anger. In the first case scenario, I believe this is a direct construct of the conditioning-- even from kind-hearted caregivers; conditioned themselves; which left deep emotional scars and flashbacks in the subconscious program. More to the point, there is a difference with getting angry for a 'perceived'/triggered on 'auto-pilot' violation of our worth/basic needs/identity (coming from the narcissistic tendencies, our distorted judgment and not even taking time to ask the person for a clarification) and a 'real'/'conscious' one (coming from our secure self-preservation need). Last but not least, the narcissistic tendencies are very curable and disappear whenever we commit to our homework of re-writing our limiting beliefs about ourselves (the first big step of re-programming the subconscious) making us move from our unhealthy attachment style to the secure one. This is only possible for kind-hearted folks.

Yaaay! She is awesome!! Great video!

Hey man on the left, I think you're missing a huge detail when talking about reacting to a partner bringing up their anger. "Maybe she should be more resilient" is not a helpful thought. When you do this, you don't accept responsibility by invalidating her. Even if the issue is small to your subjective reality, that doesn't mean her subjective reality is invalid. Her getting angry about you forgetting to take out the trash translates to something larger, her not feeling cared about. Even if you do care about her, in this moment, she does not feel that way. What you should do is swallow your pride, accept responsibility, apologize, and tell her your story, then find a solution together. Look up the science of validation, and its importance in relationships. You guys should do an episode on it.

Really good stuff! Thanks so much for your knowledge and expertise 💓

Love this!! She is awesome. So good.

I'm really glad I watched this!