Why I took a break from YouTube / The whole story

Thanks for sharing your update Steph! Sometimes getting better doesn't mean total absence of pain. At times it's like a circle, where it may seem to go round and around. But that spiral goes upwards.And with each turn you get better and better, with some pain mixed in here and there. Yet the trajectory is upward, and hopeful, day by day! It was heartening listening to your story about your student psychologist! Sometimes the best thing we can do is love people with our ears - being great listeners. Many times, a soul needs an expression more than it needs an answer. Blessings to you!

This is incredibly vulnerable of you to say all this so publicly. Huge props to you for de-stigmatising this stuff, especially the fact that therapy is indeed absolutely about just listening. Your student therapist seemed really exceptional. I'm lucky enough to have a really exceptional therapist too, and these people can genuinely change lives, my therapist has changed my life. You're genuinely inspirational. Keep following your dreams and accepting yourself (and being vulnerable like this too)!

I’m the same. I haven’t graduated yet from university and I put myself down a lot and shame myself. I have watched you ever since I was 16, 21 now. Just know, everyone is proud of you Steph, especially your family. We all love and appreciate you, the world is brighter with you here. You have impacted many people 😘 countries wide

You are pretty by birth, but it's noticeable that you put effort in to keep yourself physically fit and the pay-off is huge! You lost weight and look more fit and sculpted than before. Working out is one of the best and productive ways to deal with mental health struggles and I recommend it to everyone. It trains your mind to be stronger and more resilient to face life's pains and challenges head-on. Physical health reflects one's mental strength and you look healthier and happier than ever before. Proud of you Steph! Keep up with physical exercise and don't stop. Thanks for sharing and know that your audience always appreciates your sweet smile and heart to hearts. No matter how hard life gets at every turn, you must learn to overcome every challenge and come out stronger as a result. Every time you overcome a new challenge you realize it wasn't so bad after all. That gives life meaning and that's enough to keep you going. So keep on walking, keep on growing, ain't no stoppin'!! 💪❤

Omg I've had the exact same journey across the continent in Iran. Now at 24, eventhough I have a job that I love and I'm good at I'm always worried I'd make mistakes and disappoint people. I WAS JUST TELLING MY DAD that I wanna quit my job and I came across your video. I will take this as a sign that I too will get better one day Love you steph. Been watching you since I was in high-school.

I was coming to your channel just to watch your old videos and I was pleasantly surprised to see that you are back. It's nice to see you on YouTube again.

Thank for sharing your story! My mental health from 2019-2022 was so bad. Went through server anxiety, insulting people that people I don’t like who are fake friends. But when I went through therapist and true friend, I change my perspective and cycle that I will feel different and be strong! Stay strong Steph! 💪🏼

Man… sometimes life could really throw wrenches at us lol, I’m just really glad that I chose to sit down and listen to your story today. You’re still the kind and empathetic Steph I know. I think we are beyond grateful and honored to be able to listen your full reflection, as it, intentionally or unwittingly, has resonated with so many bits and pieces of experiences we all had some point in our lives. To end this ridiculous three part comment *cringing at my lunacy*, I sincerely 祝福你 年年岁岁 平安喜乐。I once thought that the last time I would see you would be your goodbye video, but your videos back have brought so much tenderness and sensitivity, as well as authentic retrospection that I thought I had longed masked up and forgotten. Watching a section of your vid, rewinding, rehearing your words somehow brings to light not only the pain you’ve endured but also the mummified, bottled up feelings of grief, sadness, despair, and endless fog, equally blocking my path to return and forward. Phew, that was a lot of things that you didn’t need to hear, sorry! (PS//and to end on a good note// I went back to studying Spanish again, a long-term goal of mine was to become fluent in it. And also, I’m not sure if you find watching dramas/shows helpful in learning the language, but if you want, I HIGHLY recommend you to check out 长相思 or English name “Lost You Forever” on YT. It’s a recent Chinese romance drama that I’ve been watching shameless plug lol but the emotions are so raw in it that as a person who never watches romance started to catch up. I like using shows/dramas/movies to gain interest and get back some momentum hehe 加油)

Have been following you from the very beginning and have always liked your positivity. It was evident that there were times you felt forced or uneasy in your videos. But understand that you've always provided value to the viewers. There's nothing negative coming from you and it's the reason as to why we all love watching. Your intentions are positive and we all are glad that you are a part of our lives for that.

It’s so nice to hear your part of the story im so glad to be hearing the full story at last. I always made assumptions on why you had to quit and hoped and imagined that life was treating you well at the time that you were gone. And in the meantime i (and this is with no joke) watched your akita university vlogs on and on and on. I even saved them to my offline playlist(?) thingy to listen to them while i go to work, rest, eat… Im so sad to hear that those days were your worst because those vlogs were my motivation and my comfort place. When you were you gone i missed you a lot but when i saw you on insta living your life, i came to realize that maybe resting from youtube was a good idea for you and your health. But seeing you back on youtube is my dream come true literally. Youve done so well steph and will do better and better❤️ I can’t explain more how much your videos (even if they are short or even if you may think they are useless) inspire and make my day So take care of yourself! You dont have to put positivity all the time here on youtube we are all people steph it is okay to be sad and depressed embrace the time and just love yourself we can go through it together

steph, i always come back to your channel every once in a while to to check on how you’re doing and if you’re filming again! it always feels like seeing a dear friend that i haven’t seen in a long time :) your videos gave me a lot of strength and just overall positivity during a tough time in my life and it’s so nice seeing you doing well too! i hope your journey will always have more good than bad days💗

Hi Steph! I'm one of your Japanese fans, haha. I actually had depression two years ago, but got over it and now everything is fine. During my depression, I went to a mental clinic to take a counseling there and the doctor who I met actually changed my life. He always told me something like "Most people in the world work very hard first, then rest. But, it's not correct. Rest first, then work. You should charge your battery first before using it. Most people don't do that. Use the battery first then charge it, but you cannot fully charge your battery when you use it too much. If you continue using your battery under the situation like this, your body and brain do not work properly, and at the end, your body stops you to do anything because of lack of battery. (People call this phenomenon "depression".) So, first thing that you need to do is just rest (charge your battery,) then use it. Do not forget this order. Rest first, then move." Since then I always think how to rest, not what do do. Anyway, hope all is going well in Taiwan :)

Its not deceptive promoting positivity with all the things you were goin through. Infact its the opposite, it takes a lot of effort, especially with all your own personal feelings. Glad to see you healthy and just know your subscribers accept you for whatever you are or want to be, so pls don't feel any pressure 🙏 Ps. This video was a relateable peak into your personal side, appreciate the honesty❤️

Thank you for sharing your story. I also went through a period of depression after my breakup with my then-partner, and it reached a point where I even considered taking my own life. During that time, I found myself being extremely self-critical, the never-good-enough-mindset. Realizing that I didn't know how to cope with such intense emotions, I decided to seek help and went to therapy. Fortunately, my therapist was incredibly supportive and patient with me. She introduced me to the skills of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help manage my emotions, and it turned out to be a life-changing experience. I never fully grasped the significance of acceptance until then – accepting my pain and negative feelings and learning to manage them more effectively. Now, I can say that I am happier than before because I've learned to accept myself for who I am and focus on living in the present moment each day. I am from Malaysia btw, come on down to Kuala Lumpur sometime and maybe I can show you around haha. Cheers Steph!

Thanks for sharing your story, this helps a lot of us to know that we're not alone when we're feeling how you felt :) It took me a while to accept that it is okay for my life not to be "perfect". I used to be depressed whenever I feel that I'm not "performing" well (e.g. health issue, laziness getting the better of me, comparing myself to my peers, not achieving personal goals, etc) and at one point it just felt that life was so meaningless. Nowadays I take things easy and kindly remind myself that it's okay to take things easy as life is meant to be enjoyed :)

awww steph we love you!

so proud of you for doing better and pulling yourself out of such difficulties :( also, i would love to hear your love stories as well steph! i'm turning 20 this year and it would definitely be helpful for me to hear your experiences.

thankyou for talking and sharing your story steph!! I never looked at you as a super positive youtuber role model, i just simply love watching your videos no matter what they are, since it's your life!! Although you feel pressure, and we can't change the fact you feel pressure, I hope this comment can at least reassure you that you are not confined to the caricature of a positive youtuber, you're a lot more than that and a human, so have fun making youtube videos and sharing your life struggles and progresses, no matter what they might be. In a way, we're also accepting you as you are just like your therapist because we choose to watch whatever video you make at the various time-points of your life

I missed you 🥺 I truly did, happy you're back ❤

Glad to hear you’re currently in a better place Steph. Thank you for being so courageously open and vulnerable! Hearing you speak about what you’ve been through has helped me in a way not feel so alone with where I’m currently at and hope we’ll both continue to grow and flourish :)