[Raw & Uncut] Autistic Women Reveal the Truth About High Masking - FULL INTERVIEW

I always reach a point of thinking, nah I'm not really autistic, but then I listen to one of your videos and intuitively know that I am. This is a remarkable segment, and I love these women. Thanks to all of you for sharing so openly and honestly.

I find myself relating, crying, and wishing I could tell my story, as a 62 year old woman, out loud and uninterrupted. Thanks for providing this platform, Paul. 💖

I can relate to everything. Hating Girly stuff, not being able to advocate for myself in conflicts, putting on the smile, having to skip the networking/socialising and therefore limiting my career chances, not being able to be smart because it's interpreted as arrogant and blunt, and many more. Thanks for this talk!

I am overwhelmed by the honesty and vulnerability that these women revealed. No one I know ever speaks like this, nor is it socially permissible for me to be this open with any of my "friends" or family members. The shallowness of masking is the only safe way I can put in the required time until it is acceptable to escape to solitude. It is beyond comforting to know that there are other women who feel as I do. I wish I knew other autistic people.

Wish I had known I was autistic when I was younger. Being diagnosed at 69 is too late but at least I now understand my social anxiety. Masking, zone outs and anxiety put an end to too many relationships.

One of the last points made about how they derived satisfaction from succeeding at participation in a social engagement, rather than the engagement itself, really spoke to me.

Holy shit the part about going out to parties and feeling good about “successfully ” doing it. That’s exactly how I feel. I despise most social situations and avoid them but when they go well I feel elated. It’s knowing that I can do this thing that I’m supposed to be able to.

An eye opener for me, in this video, was, recognizing that I watch/listen to people around me when they say they dislike a behaviour in a third person and I make a mental note to not do that. So my masking is mostly (I think) about my fear of being abandoned. This behaviour has eroded my inner self to the point of being almost like a blank slate for others project themselves. They get mirrored and feel stronger after being with me, but I never get that from them.

"who would want to be autistic if they're not autistic?" is something i've said to myself a lot the past few weeks, after self-identifying as autistic.

"Where do you feel like you can be most yourself?" by myself.... was my answer before she said it. Masking takes up so much energy. So tired after being with people for any length of time. You mask because your real self scares other people.

I hate when people say, don’t put a label on yourself. I fairly recently realized I’m autistic. I took the Baren-Cohen autistic test and scored moderate to severe. I’ve masked all my life, have a very high IQ, but as I’ve aged my autism has become much more evident. Doctors have diagnosed me with depression, ADHD, anxiety, but never autism. It makes me angry. If I had known sooner, my whole life would have been different, I would have made different choices, better choices. My son is autistic, but unbeknownst to me his father (who raised him) didn’t want him “labeled “ so he’s gone through life with all these issues thinking he’s stupid when he’s not. It’s destroyed his whole self worth, something his father reinforced. Diagnosis is so important.

I just got out of prison. Being autistic in prison has worn me out totally. Even neurotypical people have to be on guard 24/7, but as someone who is on the spectrum it was a wild ride. A room filled with 200 women making all kinds of sounds at all hours of the day and night, no personal space, food texture and taste issues, blanket texture sucks. Man it was hard.

"Who am I without the social influence?" Ouch. Right in the feels. The description of masking not being as simple as copying people around you hit home for me. As well as the idea of going to parties because that is what is "supposed" to be fun, and then wondering did I really enjoy that?

The lady in Tasmania nailed it for me regarding masking. It's about "fitting in" as best we can, yet it comes at a great cost mentally, emotionally, and even physically, and requires probably 2-3 times the recovery time behind closed doors than normal people might need. Dx'd 20 years ago and I still struggle with it because I mask well enough(?) for friends/family to not understand why I must retreat so often, that it makes me wonder why, as well.

Thank you SO MUCH! I grew up being told that I was just overly sensitive and highly intelligent and I got into so many toxic relationships because no one taught me how to avoid them (and my family’s treatment of me growing up primed me for them.) My children had all been diagnosed with ADHD or autism before I ever even considered it, and I remember telling my oldest that I thought maybe I should get assessed because I thought I might be autistic. When she, and all of her teenaged siblings, finally finished laughing hysterically they said “Mom! We thought you knew!” So yeah, at 48 diagnosed autistic and adhd. This explained a LOT.

As I'm watching this, I'm noticing how often everyone nods with understanding in the background, and it feels embracing. They get it. Everyone gets each other. It's wonderful.

So my daughter and I were both officially diagnosed with autism this year, she at 12 and myself at 40, and this is 5 years after my son received a diagnosis at age 5. I've shared with my daughter that I was raised by parents who thought they were raising a quirky but nuerotypical child as they did not have an understanding or tools to know better. Lifelong suffering ensued. I've since confronted the internalized ableism in myself, and acknowledged to my daughter I started the first 12 years of her life doing the same thing as my parents, even with a known asd diagnosed person in my household for the last 5 years. And now I know better, and in real time, we are going to learn about our brains together, and this time, there are tools to cope. I am unable to separate socializing and masking. I spent a lifetime feeling like a failed extrovert, now knowing the imposter syndrome was real. I am no such extrovert. I do have a series of scripts and a curated personality that emulates a manic pixie dream girl as that seems to be where I can camouflage what leaks out. But just like the trope, the character is fantasy. This was wonderful. Great content. Healing. It's most excellent to learn from your experience. Well said, everyone. You're very powerful.

Yes, even in writing we mask. Understanding ones self takes a lifetime.

These conversations have helped me a great deal to appreciate and understand both my husband and daughter. For years and years I felt rejected when he came home from work and literally slammed himself into his office...But now, I know he needed to unmask and unwind from having had an entire day of stress. Many times they both come home and are very angry, and there are melt downs and shut downs...This I took personally until a few years ago, now I am beginning to understand the level of suffering they must experience every day. (Thank you)

Thank you so much for this. And thank you Shannon " I cannot be trusted to be my own advocate in a conflict situation." Your words crystalized my life experience. Deeply grateful.