How to SPOT if someone is in a narcissistic relationship

Being in a narcissistic relationship will even make your shadow start doubting it’s existence.

“You can spend your entire life trying to please an unpleasable person.” BINGO

I was tremendously relieved when I realized my husband was a narcissist. Suddenly everything made "sense" and could start to deal with it.

Being in a narcissistic relationship - feels like you’re on a walk with someone, and they’re either walking ahead of you or falling behind. You’re rarely walking in sync.

Knowing they are narcissistic is the only form of closure you will get

For me it was the “I think I’m crazy and I need help because nothing makes sense”

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator [email protected] to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

Married for 35 years with 4 children. Husband passed and 5 years later coming to the realization of what he was and how he treated me. During our marriage I wanted to leave but knew I couldn’t support myself with children and knew he would fight me every step. After he passed I didn’t want anything to do with another relationship. At first it was a aha moment then a feeling of lose of what I never had and now sadness and anger. Therapy here I come.

Being in a narcissistic relationship drains your confidence and makes you constantly second-guess your decisions because you're always told you're too much. The dehumanization is beyond what I can comprehend. How can someone say so many hurtful words? Don’t couples fight out of love rather than pure hate?

It is devastating to have to admit and accept that someone you love is harmful to you. That they manipulate, abuse and mistreat you. That it's not your fault and that you can't do anything to get the person you love to change. It is very painful

Knowing who you are dealing with is the first step to freedom.

"the best worst thing you could learn" so very true

More grief follows when you realize someone close to you has antagonistic and antisocial tendencies - someone with whom you want a great relationship.

I still grieve for several relationships I thought I had, empathetic and loving. When I realized the truth about the narcissists, I could never go back, all hope was gone. What I did was get help to understand what I'd experienced and I moved on to healthier relationships. My grief will always be with me, but it has lessened over time.

Dear Dr. Ramani, What you do is important work. Thank you for saving my life. "Free your mind, your ass will follow."

Having been in one for 6 months too long, I can see the signs NOW. Took me TWO years & damn near $20 thousand to a lawyer to get that squatter out of my house after I broke up with him in 2022. Finally FREE of that leech!

I went through it. I've been out of it for 5 years. I went through it for 3 and half years. I've never gotten into another relationship. He destroyed me. I can't date or get into relationships. Every time I try, it causes so much anxiety and stress. I'm in therapy. We talk about it all the time and it helps. But I don't trust anyone. I don't even trust myself. It's horrible.. but I am happy in general. I keep my circle small. I practice self love and self care. But I Still suffer the effects of all that he did to me. The beatings, the constant berating, and false accusations. It's taken a toll.

Holy cow. All of this is so true. The statement of “otherwise you could easily sacrifice your entire life trying to please an unpleasable person” is just mind blowing. It makes me want to cry for those who are victims 😢💔

I went to a therapist. She diagnosed me as Bordeline... then after the second session in which my husband came and talked with her next to me... she took back that diagnosis. In the next session she told me he was a narcissist and that I needed to leave him. I never went back to her. And never told my husband... and of course he told everyone I was crazy and didn't want to get better. I'm so glad that's in my way back past and not my present.

Narcissric Abuse Reparation Fund!?! That’s a good one!