Accused of holding a GRUDGE for NOT FORGIVING the narcissist
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Published 2024-06-14
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All Comments (21)
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Accusing the survivors of holding grudge against their abuser is another form of 'victim shaming'! Disgusting!
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The abuse only gets worse when you forgive a narcissist.
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As soon as you' forgive', their mind says 'gotcha'
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Narcissists want your forgiveness for something they wont admit to doingš¢
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Forgiving someone who is not sorry or ask for forgiveness? Someone who can't take responsibility or even think they have done something wrong? š¤ No. Accept them for what they are and move along.... Forgive yourself for even trying. š
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Outsiders just don't understand the pain of another's situation when they judge.
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No - it's not just holding a grudge. Not forgiving the narcissist is accepting the reality that they are a toxic individual who will never change. Not forgiving the narcissist allows victims of their unacceptable behavior to break free of their abuse, gas-lighting, and all the rest and to enable healing.
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Abusers LOVE forgiveness. Forgive and forget, right? That works beautifully - for them.
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They donāt let us forgive them because they continue their abuse and put-downs even after separation.
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I'm so glad the comment section here is filled with people who understand that forgiveness doesn't come at the price of harming yourself!
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I don't hold a grudge; I keep score and this is necessary when dealing with narcissists...it reminds you of who they are / can be. Don't ever forget of what they are capable.
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Sometimes what they actually mean by āforgivenessā is excuse my behavior and allow me to continue it
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Narcissists turn molehills into mountains and they will always hold a grudge against you. But if they do anything wrong, they will expect you to forgive and forget it. They will bring up things from 10 years ago that you allegedly said or did. But they will get angry and defensive if you bring something up that happened just yesterday.
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Remember Charlie Brown and Peanuts? The scene where Lucy convinces Charlie Brown that she wonāt pull the football away but she always does, and every time he believes her when she says this time I wonāt. I felt like Charlie Brown every time I forgave my Mom.
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You don't owe forgiveness to anyone. If someone hurts you, you're well within your right to make changes to limit the amount of harm they can do going forward. You can even genuinely forgive someone but still make changes to protect yourself from them. It's not holding a grudge, it's setting boundaries.
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My idea of forgiving is not to allow them to be able to do it again. I used to believe forgiving was to let things pass and continue on the same path. That is not forgivness. Forgivness is to let it go, set the boundaries needed and stop blaming myself for it. And accept they are who they are. And not go there anymore. I think there is a big confusion about what forgiveness IS.
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My rule is: ā¢ Do not forgive. ā¢ Do not forget. ā¢ Let it slip out of daily thought. ā¢ Move on with your life.
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Forgiveness requires the perpetrator to try to understand the damage they've done, apologize with true contrition, try to right the wrongs committed, and seek forgiveness. Narcs aren't capable of any of these things, and thus forgiveness isn't possible. A victim's lack of forgiveness isn't the problem, the abuser is the problem. Typical narc behavior to turn that around.
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Some people would rather see you in the cycle of forgiving and getting re-burned than protecting yourself from people who continuously harm you.
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Typical passive aggressive behavior. Taking advantage of your guilt. You owe them nothing. Move on
