15 SIGNS QUIET BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER | DR. KIM SAGE

Having quiet BPD is torture. It's like constantly hurting yourself inside but putting a smile on the outside.

I'm a quiet borderline in recession. I realized my fear of abandonment was actually me abandoning "myself" for others. I've come a long way though but this condition is treatable and there is hope!

Timestamps ⏰ 15 signs of Quiet BPD: 1.) 3:05 - Internal Overcontrol 2.) 4:01 - Mood/Emotional Relational Instability 3.) 4:48 - Withdrawal/Isolation 4.) 5:53 - Idealization/Devaluation 5.) 6:26 - Abandonment Fears 6.) 6:41 - Self-blame 7.) 6:53 - Internalized Anger 8.) 7:34 - Mood/Behavioral Instability 9.) 8:03 - Fears of Rejection 10.) 8:19 - Sensitive/Hypervigilant 11.) 8:50 - Numbing and Emptiness 12.) 9:03 - Stress-induced Dissociation 13.) 9:17 - Susceptibility to Shame Spirals 14.) 9:23 - Internalized Guilt and Worthlessness 15.) 9:53 - Internalized Suffering 9:58 - Overlapping of BPD/CPTSD Treatments: 12:42 - DBT 13:14 - Mentalization-based Therapy Parents undiagnosed with Quiet BPD: 15:16 - Sensitive & Easily Wounded Whew!!! 🥵

Having met several people with quiet BPD through group therapy, I have to say, they're some of the most wonderful people. The levels of empathy and sensitivity within them, lead them to be beautiful souls. Always sharp and witty. There are blessings that come with QBPD.

Quiet BPD definitely sounds more like me despite the generic diagnosis, especially as I age. It's always been an internal thing for me. I've been operating almost exclusively on fear and shame since childhood, and everything is affected by that.

In my experience a quiet borderline can hide their condition from almost anyone, even someone they’re in a relationship with! However given time they will show themselves ( the true broken person) to a close partner but still fool everyone else.

A way that I have understood my disorder is that as a woman, I was born with innocence like all of us, but was not protected as a child by my parents, in fact exposed to awful things and neglected, which became my reality. Being vulnerable led others to take advantage of me without knowing why. That topped with outright abuse and abandonment from an entire family, spouse who doesn't give as he should, taking on the difficult role of constant caretaking, people who don't believe in caring and love anymore of thy neighbor, realistically being on the verge of poverty and homelessness if I don't accept reality and past trauma has created a cocktail of resentment and anger. Wouldn't anyone fee the same if they went through this?

Was diagnosed with BPD when I was 21 and all of that seems to make a lot of sense. The hardest part for me is the cutting people off at the slightest (most of the times perceived, not real) hint of abandonment. I become closed off, cold, but rageful on the inside...Then this uptight mood lasts hours, days even.

Everybody does leave eventually, so I prepare myself for it, sometimes cutting them off before they can abandon me. That way I protect myself. And I don't like other people getting too close either. If they get close then they can abandon me and hurt me. So I lead a pretty lonely life. I'm sure the neighbours think I'm weird being alone all the time and not making any friends. My dog is great company though. I have now lost everyone except my child, and part of me prepares for the day I lose my child as well. When my son was thirteen, he bought me a mood ring, because my moods were extreme rapid and unpredictable. It was a nice way for him to tell me it was difficult for him. It was hard when he moved out, as it was so sudden. I missed him more than I ever expected, but he calls me at least once a week. ❤

I think addiction and BPD go hand in hand because it’s such an issue of impulsivity, black and white, how one feels in each moment which is so fleeting

"A collision of intergenerational trauma, our genetics & our environment shaping our childhood brains as we are developing"- GENIUS!

I relate to the self-protecting by removing myself from situations .. but hadn't really heard it spelled out like this. Thanks for laying it out in such a calming manner.

This is a sloooow,killer..... I'm fighting this 24/7,has been for many years. And I'm 48 ... Often just feel like I want to sleep,and never wake up again...

I am a mother who has recently been diagnosed with quiet bpd. i am afraid to tell ANYBODY this diagnosis as I fear the stigma attached to 'normal bpd'. I fearing being labelled as a bad mother, and being told that I am going to scar them for life. I care for the people I love VERY well and I am hyper aware of my actions especially around my kids, I have been through so much therapy I like to think I am self aware enough to stop my disorder from affecting my kids. Caring about myself is a different story, it's a constant self hate/guilt spiral. I'm working on it, but it is at a constant 7-10 emotional pain scale almost every day. Thank you for bringing this side of BPD for light ❤

I really wish the field could move away from calling people names and instead refer to the relational dynamics or the behavior as anyone can possess these qualities. I grew up with a father who was labeled as, not only borderline, but many other diagnosis and it was never helpful. What would have been helpful was to just have professionals observe what they see in him and work with each inter-relational dynamic rather than get him to accept he’s this or that.

What you said at the end about borderline parents was SOOOO validating, thank you so much 😭 I have mild/quiet bpd and over the years I've come to realise that my Mum most likely has full on bpd, everything you described was spot on. She's incredibly defensive and reactive so I don't think I could ever suggest this to her but it is sad to see how much she suffers. She grew up in the 60s when there was less awareness around mental health so it's maybe never even crossed her mind. All I can do is focus on my own healing. Thanks for the video 💗

Absolutely agree. The key for me was the fear of abandonment. For borderlines, this is very real - “Who will look after me?” CPSD wouldn’t even expect that.

Some people learn to scream on the inside when the emotions start flooding.

Makes sense but the bigger issue that no one talks about is the ongoing abuse by the caregiver that induced borderline in the first place. Left alone a person has a chance of figuring it out as they grow into adulthood. But with ongoing quiet abuse, acknowledging that the caregiver probably has npd, bpd and/or aspd, the problems are exponentially greater.

Struggling hard recently as a Quiet Type. The one thing I never seem to share with everyone else is the self idolization. I am a monster not fit for the world, but manage to pretend to be human enough to pass for not. I strive to be the person I pretend I am and act like. But even in remission, I know, I'm a monster and my devaluation of others only rears its head when they try to tell me I'm a good person. Eternal fires of rage burn deep. As deep as the amino acids of my DNA it feels like. It can never die, it can never cool. The one time it did, I was nothing. Sure, no monster to hide and chain away, but not a thinking feeling being anymore. So I let it burn to light my happiness, sorrow, anger, and love. I keep all its damage from those it wants to eat, but without it.....I'm nothing, not even a hollow shell. Its the small variation on the self love / hate spectrum that I hope no one else has to share.