“How Do I Get Him to Try Harder?”

Hey everyone! This episode is a little more echo-y than normal as we had some sound issues but I hope you enjoy it and please leave me a comment letting me know your thoughts below!

When the guy I had been seeing for the past year said “you should be glad I’m setting time aside to hang out with you” that was it for me. I don’t need someone who sees spending time with me as doing me some kind of favor, or sees it as an inconvenience. I ended it after that because I lost respect and therefore the spark was gone (there were other issues too).

If you have to ask that question it's time to move on. Someone that doesn't see your value won't put in the work you trying to convince them of your value is you diminishing yourself let it go

Listening to it i thought we were seeing the same guy, I even got nervous! I am in the same situation and last night after watching this I made the decision to close this door and give myself a chance to be happy. Thank you for making me understand I am just a “video game”.

How do I get him to try harder...... you can't. All you can do is decide what level of reciprocity you need as a baseline in your relationships and know when it's time to walk away when your needs aren't being met consistently. People don't change unless they want to and even then it's a hard uphill fight to change. Believe people when they treat you the way they do.

The best advice I’ve heard is that if you’re the one doing all of the scheduling and chasing in the beginning, then you will be the one doing that for the rest of your relationship. So you have to decide if you care about that or not.

Please girls hear my advice! Leave him. It might hurt to but it hurts way more to find out that you wasted years in a depressing relationship that drained you. Appreciate your youth and don't waste it with someone who's too stingy with his feelings and time. Please do leave and you'll find better. Even being alone isn't as bad, you win your peace of mind. All the time you're with this kind of person you're abandoning yourself. I never thought I'd waste 6 years with anyone! But time just goes fast. I remember seeing advice like mine and thinking no way 6 years is impossible to waste. Think again please! Get him out of your way, clear his space for your peace of mind and for a better man

4 years ago, my long-distance ex broke up with me. I tried to get him back and ofc failed. Then I went on crazy dating for over a year and ALL SHIT happened. I looked at myself in the mirror and could only find a psycho, a failure, a painfully struggling woman. This made me quit dating for my own mental wellness. After I quit dating, I put 100% focus on myself. I got promoted at work. I bought my own property as a foreigner in Germany. I got second cat. I started the cooking channel I wanna do all the time but never did. Recently I met a guy and agreed to date him cuz he is TRYING HARD to get me and he looks good. What I wanna say is rly cliche but girls...Cmon stop thinking about why he's not trying hard. You know the answer.

When you have to ask yourself, "Should I accept xyz-" that's a good cue to take a step back and ask yourself what you truly want out of this relationship, this love, this life. If the person you're with makes you feel like a burden or obligation, it's time to move on. Long-distance relationships can be really challenging, and it's so important to honor your own needs and feelings. Remember, you are worthy of being a priority, not an option.

29:57 “ At any time, three things can change: Your standards -behaviors you’re willing to accept from someone Their behavior -what they do The status of the relationship -whether you choose to have that person in your life and the degree/spectrum”

There's no one busier than someone who is not interested

Honest answer. If you feel Iike a placeholder, you're one 😢 move on. It's better to be single than alone in a relationship 😊

This is my exact situation and breaks my heart because you're so right. I cant and won't win at this game but its impossible. I'm saving this and will rewatch and rewatch until its burnt in my brain and my heart. Thankyou both ❤

Thank you so much! I’m 70, twice divorced. You just painted me a clear picture of my behavior and the dynamics it helps to create. Amazing. I’m willing to do what’s necessary to stop that game. I’m grateful for the honesty and vulnerability of the woman who wrote you. And for her bravery. I hope she knows she has been a helpful part of my ability to finally see what I do in relationships. I send wishes for her happiness.

I could honestly have written Therese's story myself. I needed to hear this so badly. Thank you so very much ❤

Thx to you both!❤💯🎯 The letter described my past relationship! It was working just long enough to give me hope, until it got worse again. I had to realize I wasn't needy or crazy to have & communicate my needs. It's not selfish to desire normal/mature/adult relationship goals. I tried patiently but got less if any effort & compromise in return. Difficult & hurtful yet ending it was better than wasting ANOTHER 5-10+ yrs accepting/tolerating breadcrumbs & stonewalling. Now I can be available for someone who is capable & willing to have a real relationship & be happy! Wish I'd heard this 25 yrs ago! TYSM for the confirmation.

I pay my compliments to whoever succeds in keeping a long-distance relationship. I don't want to judge, but for me it's pretty silly as long as one decides to relocate. In a long-distance relationship you maybe live the best moments of fun and relax when you meet your partner, but a person needs to be lived every single moment in every day life. Even if technology is great nowadays, you could never say you really know the individual living miles far from you.

Ive been dating somone for 4 months now..at the beginning i was planning the dates, setting the times to talk, and it felt weird ...like role reversal, so i just stopped chasing the need to feel validated and suddenly HE started making the plans, arranging the dates and setting times to talk, just let him come to you ladies, and if he doesnt...so be it..focus on your life, your goals, and dont sit around waiting for some guy to step-up, if you start off as the chaser and planner or youll be doing it forever! ❤

He sounds like an avoidant (probably dismissive avoidant), which is not an excuse to treat a person like that. He can be a good person but doesn't mean he's good for you, the process just drains your energy (speaking from experience unfortunately 😞)

There is no hope for the human race if at 60 years old. We are still playinggames.😢