How To Stop the Cycle of Negative Relationships

I just stopped dating and focused on myself.

Negative relationships seriously affect our mental health! You want to find someone who supports you and helps you during difficult periods! Not makes you feel worse😩

If someone sees a genuinely nice person as boring or weak, they have issues that will very likely be negatively impacting.

Keeping boundaries and taking things slow in relationships really helps especially in regards to modern day dating. When you give too much of yourself to the wrong person, it only makes it that much harder to leave thereby lessening your own self respect.

I would love to see a video on what healthy relationships look like.

From my personal experience, self improvement caused me to choose better men. As I improved, my choice in men improved.

having an absent father makes sense as to why i crave male validation so much lol

As someone who grew up in an abuse house, and was surrounded by abusive relationships for a long time, I want to add that when you are used to abuse, it becomes comforting. You know how to react to it. Being happy, being treated well can be very scary because you don’t have that script I ran away from several potentially heathy relationships because I didn’t know to handle them at the time >__>

You attract what you feel comfortable with, coming from narcissistic up bringing I got into many of the same in relationships and marriages until I realized where i came from. If it feels like my childhood, its a big red flag.

Yep, I keep falling for the same emotionality unavailable person. And push away those who actually reciprocated my feelings. It's taken me so many years to finally admit to myself that it probably has something to do with my childhood experience of feeling abandoned and neglected by my parents, even though it was only true of my father who was an ass. My mother did her best but it was tough for her as a single mum. Still, I do harbor resentment towards her as well, for not being able to provide me with all the attention I craved. What I want is someone to acknowledge me, and not abandon me.

I attracted drug addicts, mommy issues, cheater, physically abusive and alcoholic men. Didn't match my home life at all. Then I realized that other people want partners too and I unfortunately fit the bill. Luckily I broke the cycle by making my own choices and not what my parents or other family members thought. It worked I had a great relationship not without it's growing pains but I learned that respecting my mate was essential without that it was doomed. Great video Dr.Marks .

I uncovered this...here's what I found out. I was always attracted to emotionally unavailable people but that's because I (as a formerly anxious person...now earned secure) was also avoiding by not asking for what I needed and setting boundaries. I would also people please like crazy towards the end because I did't know what else to do. The moment I practiced asking for waht I needed in ALL areas of my life - truly believing I deserved it, set boundaries and honoured them consistently and looked inward something magical happened. No longer attracted to the same person. I actually AM attracted to emotionally available and "nice and boring" folks. The same drama doesn't do it for me anymore because I've allowed myself to express my needs.

Again, such good analysis and advice! As a 71 year old woman, still active and attractive, I have called it “quits” with guys. I open myself up and get hammered every time. I am better off single. 🤦🏼‍♀️

If you have a good husband, this might be a good time to stop and be thankful for him.

Ehhhh I’ve dated the player, the narcissist and the “nice guy” they all come with their set of issues. In fact, the “nice guy” scared me the most because he was overly sensitive and ended up having anger issues and temper tantrums after a while. He was a momma’s boy and praised himself on being loyal and a catch. He wasn’t a narcissist but he definitely felt women “had their place.” The player and the narcissist were upfront about being blatant assholes. The “nice guy” had me fooled because he was so attentive in all the right ways but his temper and caveman mentality (I make the money, you clean and cook) scared me.Personally I think We all have issues and it comes down to what we are all willing to put up with at the end of the day.

People generally go after who they are sexually attracted to then try to make it work as a relationship. This often fails because you can't make it work the other way.

I wish good therapy was affordable. You are right (all 15 times you said it) that therapy is a necessity!

One of the things that I really like about this piece is that it blasts the "nice guys finish last" myth. A lot of people believe that women are attracted to men who have negative 'alpha' traits: being domineering, overbearing, hyper-accomplished, distant, cold, etc. This mythology always struck me as sexist and victim-shaming. Very often we are just attracted to whatever we grew up with in an attempt to heal the wound, as you were saying. That's it. The relationship itself becomes an opportunity to set something straight. And very often it fails and we're left confused, frustrated and hurt. This bit of awareness alone can be very powerful and transformative. Thank you.

Good points about passive men that can't handle a strong personality, I never picked up on that but it's so true. But also, passivity feels like rejection in itself. If he never directly communicates his romantic interest or feelings or is too shy and expects you to to make the "moves," it feels awful. I want to be confidently and openly pursued romantically-- not be the one coaxing them. In the past I ended up emotionally driving the relationship and refuse to do that anymore.

I think it was M. Scott Peck who once said in a taped lecture, "People repeat what's familiar, even if it isn't good for them."