#206 - mind manifesting realities that don’t exist

If anyone deserves a fucking break from pain its this lady. her strength and amazing personality just exudes just wanting to live.....my heart goes out to Nicole xxxx

Dear Nicole ~ Please consider adding a hospice team. You can carry on living your life as you like with them as an added resource. They are especially expert at pain mgmt & anxiety mgmt. No shade to your current pain mgmt team, but hospice may even have upgraded solutions for living your life as best you want. It is 100% their wheelhouse. And statistics show that people with hospice care may even live longer. I want this for you!

Please please Nicole, see a Dr about this. You must for your sake and your wife's sake. A good psychiatrist can help you. Everything you create in your mind is kind of turning against you. You deserve this time to be peaceful , calm and to be enjoyed. Please get help

Woman, you are loved and admired. I've learned so much from you. Your strength is astonishing. 💜

This freaking disease makes me so angry. Sending you all the peaceful juju in this world, Nicole. We love you dear beautiful lady. ♥️

Hi dear Nicole, i’ve suffered from panic attacks since I was a child. They are real and scary. I cannot tell you how many times the ambulance was called because I couldn’t breathe and my heart was beating out of my chest. a psychologist and take a small amount of medication to deal with my anxiety. Be kind to yourself. You are going through and went through so much. And you have triumphed! Let a professional help you through this and give you the tools. You have superpowers I wished I had. I had a difficult childhood in a different way. I made it to 73 a sometimes I think of all the time I wasted because of fear. But it’s not my fault and it’s not your fault. we are holistic beings, and all our feelings are valid and real. I’m sending you calm healing prayers. aloha friend❤

My heart breaks when you cry. I pray your medical team can help you manage your thoughts with therapy or medicine. I pray for your peace sweet Nicole❤

I hope you can get in contact with a hospice volunteer who would be willing to come and stay with you for several hours so that you both can rest without fear. I have volunteered in this capacity before, and it is a real blessing for all concerned, in the giving, and receiving, of compassionate presence. It's nice to wake up with someone still holding your hand, if that helps.

The other "gift" from living with addicts and drunks is hyper-vigilance and the desperate need to control. I hear you, and love you 💖

It probably sounds silly, but I had a traumatic event happen a few years ago and I have a hard time getting my brain to "shut off" at night since then. I am a 57 yr old grandmother of 7. At night the only way I can go to sleep is to either watch mindless entertainment on my phone, like tik tok lives of people creating wreaths, tumblers, jewelry etc. and I never have the sound....just watch and make my mind follow the creator....OR I use my tablet and do color by numbers....It sounds childish but its mindless but yet keeps my brain entertained enough to keep it from thinking about "other things" and I watch or color till I fall asleep. I'm sorry you're going through this, it's terrifying. I hope you can find a way to push it away.

Your horror was perfectly expressed. This stranger is sending you a virtual swaddle in the hopes that it would bring you calm in some way. You are always in my thoughts because I'm three years behind you.

I think people don’t realize you can be on hospice for years! They are an awesome resource

I had a panic attack at work today and had to come home and then argued with my husband as all I needed was someone to understand me. But hardly anyone can as March is my screening month and I’m absolutely terrified waiting for the results. My cancer buddy went into hospice last week. Cancer is awful. I have watched your channel for a long time and I’m sending you the remains of my mental health as it’s all I have to give you. And blessings and good Juju. ❤

Nicole, you are one of the best narrators ever! So riveting, real, honest, open and intellectually and spiritually amazing! Thank you for sharing your life and feelings with us! Love you girl!

So much internalized trauma Nicole. Your fierceness has kept it at bay for years. Now there will be some sort of reckoning.. so painful … but it will pass. We are thinking of you & looking forward to seeing you next week.

Oh, my dear Nicole...hospice has great drugs for that shortness of breath feeling. Please check with your team. Your fears are absolutely normal, and are manageable. Love, love love to you.

Panic attacks are the worst, and commonly occur at night to disrupt sleep. I’ve had success with guided meditation, and even though it doesn’t fix everything right away, it really helps when you wake feeling alone and panicked during the night. ♥️

I do stop breathing when I sleep. I wear a c-pap and it makes me breathe if I stop. Just a thought. Maybe knowing you can’t stop breathing you could relax .

Yay, Nicole. You are a precious child of GOD and he has you in the palm of his hand. You are much loved by your community. Praying for your comfort❤❤❤❤❤

I agree with the comments that you really are an amazing person and have been through so much over the past five years and have been so brave through it all. As I have had PTSD from some very traumatic times, I believe a large part of your anxiety is from what you have been through, and it is now manifesting with the thoughts you are having. It is very understandable how this can happen.. I agree that seeking some professional help might be a good idea at this point. Bless you and your wife, I think of you often as you have been through so much. Big hugs to you lovely lady. ❤️