Denial and Dissociation: 10 things to consider

Living a life like nothing happened. Taking care of everyone that caused the abuse like a proud daughter would. It wasn’t until they ALL passed away, that I was once again thrown into the pit of hell in which I lived as a child and others started coming to the surface. Denial, denial, denial. 6 yrs of therapy and I’m just beginning to be able to come to terms with them (aka alters).

YES!!! Being a from generation X - the whole “false memory” movement had established itself. In 1994 I admonish my overactive imagination, because MY CHILDHOOD WAS PERFECT! I WAS A LUCKY KID- I just needed to be a better daughter -- No abuse. I remember writing in my diary in my early 20’s “Do I make up the voices in my head, or do they speak on their own?” Not realizing that my imaginary conversations ( internal and external) weren’t a thing everyone did. Fast forward 20+ years - even with my therapist I find myself going back and forth on “I’m making this up”… Even in the face of the very obvious. To help dispel my denial VERY ugly scar to remind me that- yes, that shit happened(and more)….((But I’m very LUCKY to I’ve such an undeniable piece of physical evidence) But even then- who wants to believe that their childhood was so fucked up…. Cause bro, that shit hurts. It makes no sense the depravity it took to make us this way… and at the same time- I am so grateful to how my mind managed some fucked up shit (of which I can intellectually understand- but I can’t grok it yet)…

I convinced myself that I wasn’t doing things and that everyone else was lying. I didn’t want to think about having DID. I ran from it for years. The end result was it came crashing down. Those protective delusions are powerful.

This is a battle/war that comes and goes. Twenty years later and at times this still comes up. Less frightening these days though. Thank you.

It’s been incredibly hard and utterly invalidating being told my whole life that nothing happened to me and therefore I am the problem, when in reality my mother is in denial about the trauma and neglect that my brother and I endured at the hands of her and my father. I have seen her forget distressing events that we both witnessed as adults and have only just become to realise she likely has did. While I have empathy for her and her horrible childhood , denial has been the indestructible wall that stands between us and it has divided the family , because to them I am and always will be the problem. It’s easier to believe a lie , and the truth hurts.

I have a part whose job it is to be convinced that there isn't any problem, that it is not that bad anyway, and that everything is her own fault/responsibility because she is just wrong, bad and lazy. I am starting to see why we needed that part to survive and to get things done. I'll ask my therapist to suggest to her to watch this video, in the hope that one day she will be able to acknowledge that I and the other parts exist. I so wish we could communicate directly...

Thanks this was helpful. Some days I remember everything. Other days it's like nothing ever happened. It's tough. Thanks for your videos

I'm in the "yeah something happened but it's not that bad" place currently ... I know logically that makes no sense.. but DID just seems like a giant over-reaction to what happened to me it "wasn't bad enough" .. or whatever .. so annoying I hate knowing one thing but then activley thinking the other

It can take a degree of financial independence and confidence as an independent adult to be able to see the level of childhood trauma you experienced. At 18, I could never have been able to tolerate knowing what I know now. Once I had a career and confidence that I could survive as an adult, separate from my family, I was able to recall and see the horror. Not before. My mind protected me.

Denial is so exhausting. It does get better, and seems to have an ebb and flow to it. It's horrible when you first get diagnosed and the system goes into over-drive. I drove my family crazy with "What if I'm faking, but forgot I'm faking?" It's esp hard when you don't have a single full memory of abuse, just bits and pieces. A clever thing I was asked by a family member really helped. He said "when the denial gets really bad, ask yourself if nothing bad happened, then what's there to deny?" True. Great video, as always.

Oh yes. Denial is a very strong wall to break. I prefer thinking that I'm psychotic than accepting I have DID and my parents were horrible. Despite two did diagnosis, denial and self blame are still strong. Hope the therapy will help

30 years ago, my therapist told me my memories were false. I had to "learn" how to understand that. But the feeling of "something is not right" has been strong and I've built an even harder wall of denial. Now I'm exhausted and perhaps a little bitter also, about that. I have lived a life that was never my life, until now when I dig into these dissociative experiences of mine. I'm glad to recognize I have did, it explains a lot. But I'm sad about all theese years of oppression of my self. Sort of.

Exactly. Self-blame and shame 😩💔🥲

I find for me it is better to explore my own life by myself because therapists have suggested heavily that bad things have happened to me which in itself is very hurtful when I have zero memories. I have to make sense of my chaotic life on my own because I know I'll be safe and I'll know when it's too much. Denial can be a good thing and shouldn't be messed with. I want to make it out of this life wanting to live and being safe with my needs met. No therapist is going to do that for me or be there when everything is falling apart. I have to survive

Always send people (plural and otherwise) to your site Dr. Lloyd, for authentic, easy to understand, experienced, expert, safe care. Denial remains long after diagnosis - formidable and dysregulating but a 'part' of the overall structure of many systems. Thanks as always and "take great care" - g (seans)

We don’t dissociate for no good reason - yup - so wish was “normal” - it stinks. God Almighry please let it come out 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

"I don't remember ", "I apologize" are phrases I use constantly..."I am sorry I don't remember "..."you are right, I am wrong, I'm sorry"...I dont deny anything anymore, I did it, I said it or my fault is my reply. Even if I don't remember, it doesn't matter ...my body, my fault...the worse part of my life with DID, is apologizing for things I don't remember just to avoid more trauma...

There is a pain — so utter — It swallows substance up — Then covers the Abyss with Trance — So Memory can step Around — across — upon it — As one within a Swoon — Goes safely — where an open eye — Would drop Him — Bone by Bone -- -Emily Dickinson

I’m the host of an OSDD system. I was just having a heavy denial episode when this popped up in my recommended. I’m both happy it did because it helped but also terrified because is YouTube now living in my head????

I know this is a video I needed to see because I had the same feeling of being called out (gently, in a helpful way—nothing bad) that I get in therapy. I feel seen. I don’t like it, lol. Denial is such a battle sometimes, and it’s one that requires such a careful approach to not make it worse. What’s been helpful for me recently is leaning in to the maybes. Maybe the years of missing memory, intense physical responses to mundane things, and all the “I have no memory of that, but I see the evidence and I believe you”s mean something. Maybe even if I don’t have certain memories or I lack emotions from what memories I do have, they were still powerful then and affected me on a deeper level. Maybe I’m not broken, hard things happened, I don’t have all the answers (nor do I have to), and I can still move toward a better life despite that. It feels silly to see the evidence and just say maybe, but the maybes allow for the maybe nots. It makes space to consider a different narrative without shutting down the protective existing one. Denial is powerful and challenging, and I’m grateful for this video for deepening my understanding of the process and myself. Thank you as always!