How Art Stole My Best Years

The great irony is that I ended up overworking myself for this one, more than any of my others. A combination of school and getting a job, also this is the hardest I've gone emotionally. This one's left me absolutely spent, so I'm gonna take my time and give the next one the time it needs to cook. I want to get it out by the end of the year, but I better practice what I preach and strike a better balance going forward.

"I don't want money; I just don't want to think about money." I feel this so much. Beautiful essay.

If you think losing years of your life practicing a skill is bad, wait until you hear about wasting years of your life without even ending up with a monetizable skill at the end of it!

art is the exploration of life and death. it is not a proper substitute for either

Y’know, I think people forget that life is art. Living your life, actually living it, can give you the feelings art gives you in immense amounts.

When I was 6 years old, it dawned on me that I was in a bad place - my parents, who hated each other, saw me as a burden and we lived in terrible poverty, mainly due to my birth. In order to not lose hope, I said to myself that I wasn't allowed to die until I created a masterpiece. I had the feeling that I had just made a pact with a mythical being, like the two of us would use this pact to keep me alive as long as I worked towards this goal. I'm 39 now. I have yet to create my masterpiece but there have been many attempts, with my current one hopefully being the thing that satisfies this pact. The promise to keep living until my masterpiece is complete has kept me alive through assault, homelessness, wage slavery, many many health scares, a severe breakdown that spanned years, but here I am. Still alive and still creating. Its been my strongest and sometimes only lifeline, and i have nothing but gratitude,

Watching a creator gain traction in real time is something else. It's like we're on the journey with you, wherever we're going, as you show us what your soul holds

I did make art my reason for living. The manga you used perfectly explained how i felt. I was severely depressed, so i fought it by intensely loving art. It was my reason to get up. I engaged in it all day. I produced work that i was proud of. It became my world. Upon creating so much, i started healing. Creating made me so happy in my core, that i ended up processing trauma, and improving mentally more than i ever thought i would. I started getting my life together and feeling more confident in myself. As i started healing, i started creating less. I didnt have the same free time, concentration or will to create. Not the way i used to. I cant tap into creativity and paint for 12 hours without eating, sleeping or acknowledging reality anymore. My nemesis, depression, isnt here anymore. Im not fighting to be here anymore. My relationship to art was inherently linked to fighting my depression, fighting my head. Realising that was like grieving for a loved one. (Worse). It took me a while but i realised that art hasnt gone away. I dont love it any less and its not any less there for me, its just that now i dont need to depend on it. The relationship changed. Now it's going to be a new learning curve figuring out where it fits in, but that takes time. Also creative burnout is real, we arent machines, even though wed like to be. So we are going to have our off seasons, where we dont feel connected to art at all. That's okay and it's normal and its very common. Sometimes you need to take a break so that you can experience more life and gather new inspiration. Or to grow as a person and as an artist.

I have a major problem with doing things in moderation. Im either like a freight train, with a totally one track mind, focused on my project and forgetting everything else. Or im like a bumper car, in between projects, aimlessly bumping around until i stop being burnt out and a new project sparks my interest 😑

As someone who sort of fell out of my “art has a strangle hold on my every action” era I have come to realize that I was the most depressed during those years and as my life improved my art became secondary then almost irrelevant. It pains me in both my identity as an “artist” and my motivations in creating art. I would stay up for hours on end, slightly adjusting paintings just to feel like they are finished and sit in the corner of my room. I wouldn’t sleep, eat, drink all I could do was make art or I felt like I would die. Then I got better but I miss my artistic mindset

Speaking as a fellow artist I just wanted to offer you might be drawing a false dichotomy in this video. I've written two plays and directed one this year as well as drawing and painting on my own time, none of this has cost me my relationship with my partner of two years and in fact I couldn't have done what I do without her love and support. Most working artists I know (and I know a lot) are able to have thriving careers and are also in relationships, my stepmother is an internationally syndicated cartoonist, and she and my mother have had an incredibly healthy relationship for 15 years. There are so many ways to be an artist and in my experience, relationships only enhance your art-making, stay strong and take care of yourself.

And here I was thinking I'm a bit too dramatic and existential about art. Don't stress yourself into an early grave because you aren't successful with your art or because people around you don't seem to understand. If I'm not mistaken you said you're 21 or you just turned 21 years old. You have the most valuable thing in the world which is TIME. You have decades to explore the world, learn about life, create things, and find meaning in the endeavors that bring you fulfillment. So don't throw away your twenties stressing and worrying about your legacy as an artist or whatever is giving you grey hairs just believe in the process of whatever artistic field you've decided to embark on and have fun producing art instead of torturing yourself like a romantic poet who feels sorry for himself. Also find your people because you need like minded people who share your enthusiasm for art and who can bounce feedback and ideas back to you. Just because you're an introvert doesn't mean you deserve to die alone.

As someone who got her best years stolen by medicine - somethings gotta give. Here is what I did, do with it what you will 1. Changed prestigious draining employment for hr, i am good at IT and I can leave work at work 2. Got myself a nice husband. Yeah, really. Its easier to pursue your dreams when there's two of you. The life is better. You share responsibilities and money and you have more time. 3. Got a dog. A chihuahua. Just to go out more. 4. Got of my high horse. I'm just an ordinary person and that's okay. A step backward is sometimes the best step you can take.

I think that art is kind of a supplement like those vitamins you take. Vitamin C prevents scurvy while art prevents shriveling into the void. But you can overdose on vitamin c. And it's not pretty. Even if you give the whole rant of "I need to update my comic weekly" speech, no you don't. I have literally waited seven years for Noragami a mid tier anime to come back. People will wait ten years for the next spiderverse movie. If its good people will come back and your absence can allow for other creators to shine not take your spotlight.

This is insane. You are insane. I am actively losing my mind. But I am also endlessly inspired by you and your work. Thank you so much, please take care of yourself but keep making art.

Hey :) This video made me want to say something... Not sure what, but let's give it a shot: I'm in my late 30s and I'm a professional artist. I have a comfy job in the games industry and enough free time to pursue personal art projects of various sorts. I also spend a lot of time with friends, playing boardgames, watching movies... My art is not popular, I don't really have fans, a large social media following or anything of the sort. I got some professional recognition, like I have some confirmation I'm actually "good at art" :D And my greatest artistic achievement is ridding myself of a lot of expectations for what kind of art I should be making, and thus I occasionally make pieces I'm actually happy with. Of course I want more. I want to get more noticed, to make some great art thingie that will touch millions etc. But that might or might not happen for me in the future. Still, I love that I get to make art. I guess what I wanted to say is - you can live as an artist and still do other things. Have a (related or unrelated) job, a family, even other priorities, and still be an artist. Even a great artist. You can sacrifice everything to achieve great things - but it might as well happen that you sacrifice everything and you miss your shot, figuratively speaking. Not all sacrifices are worth it, but stories mostly focus on those that do make it, so there is a huge bias there. So yeah, take from this what you will. I wish you good luck on your journey!

I think its very significant that Bleach continually posits the sharpness of the blade against the warmth of life until Ichigo eventually, in a full understanding of the meaning of existence, realizes HE IS THE BLADE. The blade is him. Its me and its you. To live and reason and postulate is to kill and be killed as well. Prey is predator, the sun raises new buds and burns old growth. We are carbon wretches. And this is not an endorsement of carnage or violence. Its a plea for softness and vulnerability. This is a lovely video, be discouraged but do not give up. Having energy to share what is in your soul under capitalism is already very serious. And I loved your Fran Leb note, I am certain her ass does not remember all the interviews she's been in. Writers block my ass the woman doesnt want to commit thoughts to print

Randomly decided to watch this video and not only was it amazing (and verbalized a lot of my current feelings towards creating) but I was pleasantly surprised to find out you're Jamaican (same same here), so obviously I'm subscribing and cheering for your passions to keep you going and for success to come your way!

This really is the existential artist essay that may keep me up at night(maybe not in the worst way though) As someone who got into art at a very young age solely for the attention I saw others receive, this definitely struck a few chords. I wouldn't bother exposition-dumping around 10+ years of my life in a YT comment of all places, but I definitely feel your words on a deep level. As I am now, at 27, I still remain an artist. Granted, I just create for me at this point. There will be things people may never see for me, and I will definitely die before crafting magnum opus after magnum opus, but I'm okay with that. Call it diving into the deep end of escapism, but I simply want to create for the joy of it. There is no one alive or who has passed that can truly create for me. There is no one alive or who has passed that can live for me. They are one in the same. It's something I do for the sake of wanting it to have been done. The notoriety or permanence through time is a worthless venture for me. If by my sheer passion for the craft alone someone was inspired, that's great, but I find it hard to create anything with that being my goal anymore. There is no goal other than to embrace and create, much like how there is no goal of life -- Embrace it and live it. Death is always the endpoint, so you might as well make sure your canvas has color on it rather than leave it blank. Better to have died doing that than having died for it. Keep up the excellent work.

i was so shocked to see someone that feels the same. and its so much more painful when you realise that you didnt even achieve the things you wanted in art