If He GHOSTED Or LIED To You, Watch This! | Matthew Hussey
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Published 2021-09-08
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How many times have you come across that person that really sparks your interest and makes you want to get serious? What about that moment when you find out they’re not ready for a serious relationship, they just want to have fun, or go with the flow and see where things go. If you’re honest, how many mental gymnastics have you gone through to continue pursuing a relationship like that? You know they don’t want the same level of commitment, but you just feel like, ‘if only I hang in there long enough…’ Matthew Hussey is no stranger to Women of Impact and in this episode he’s addressing everything you need to know about commitment and why trying to commit and stick it out with someone who’s already told you they aren’t ready is not only foolish, but it’s high stakes and a total waste of your time. Matthew is the relationship expert many of you already know and love, but get ready because in this episode he’s going off to let you know how serious he is about the time you’re wasting on people that just don’t want a relationship. It’s hard truth ladies, but it’s a powerful dose of medicine you may need right now.
Make sure to check out this FREE 30 Day Challenge from Matthew Hussey to build confidence:
www.howtogettheguy.com/challenge/
SHOW NOTES:
Committing | How dating apps and social media has made fear of commitment worse [0:59]
Giving Yourself | Why it’s only painful in the wrong hands and choosing who to give to [6:36]
Conditional Love | The costs involved with committing and how to assess what’s worthy [10:04]
Energy Management | Protecting yourself from dating burnout from misplaced energy [13:50]
Dating History | When a person’s character is questionable from their relationship history [19:00]
Trust Yourself | Trust your gut and rely on people around you to make accurate decisions [24:16]
Validation | Engineering answers you want to hear and not being honest about yourself [29:16]
Communication | The purpose is making progress through the friction to get closer [32:39]
Timing | Staying with someone not ready stunts their growth and wastes your time [41:00]
Not Ready | When someone says they’re not ready what’s the best way to proceed [47:11
High Stakes | Why it’s arrogant to think you can change someone to want a relationship [50:15]
QUOTES:
“When we're away from someone and we're investing in them through our thoughts. Even if it's not visible to them, we're investing psychologically in the situation.” [3:10]
“Take the beauty in what you gave, and know that in the right hands, that remains a beautiful thing.” [7:49]
“The danger is if we say giving equals pain. No, giving doesn't equal pain. Ignoring things, ignoring the fact that I'm giving to the wrong person equals pain.” [8:29]
“Romantic relationships are conditional, because who would want to be in a relationship long term with someone who never gave back?” [9:56]
“Your game is not to worry about someone else. Your game is energy management for yourself.” [13:50]
“I have a limited amount of energy. Not everyone can have it. And my heart isn't something I give. It's a house that I invite people into.” [14:36]
“Character is something that you see in people's actions every day. It's not in a grand gesture. It's what behavior Am I seeing from this person every day” [20:40]
“On a first date, your job is not to be a human lie detector. Your job is to see if what they're saying aligns with the kind of person you're seeing in front of you.” [24:19]
“Every time we're hung up on a mistake we've made or something someone else has done, or whatever we're not, we're not living in the moment of what can be made beautiful now.” [40:16]
“The fallacy is that, because I've invested this much time and energy, I now have to make it work. That is the easiest way to throw away your life.” [43:02]
“Assuming that the relationship that evolves is going to fit the template that you want for somebody else, that's fantasy” [52:40]
“You have all this pain staying here anyway. So at least have the pain that's a question mark. This pain is a period, it's not a question mark. At least leaving means possibility.” [56:34]
Follow Matthew Hussey:
YouTube: youtube.com/user/gettheguyteam
Instagram: www.instagram.com/thematthewhussey/
Facebook: www.facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey/
Website: www.howtogettheguy.com/
All Comments (21)
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54:44 those 30 seconds were powerful. Matthew just laying down the FACTS.
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It's not the ones that say they aren't ready for commitment that mess you up. It's the ones who say they are, get close, engaged even and then ghost you.
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Before I met my current partner, I would date people like this who really didn’t truly value me and all that I have to offer. But I met current partner while working at target, and my god he really is the real deal. Be patient ladies. The person who is meant to love, care and treasure you is around, I truly believe that, just be patient.
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I love this. "I have a limited amount of energy and I can't give it to just anybody. My heart isn't something I can give it's a home that I invite people into"
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If someone is mistreating you and tells you they haven’t done anything “wrong”, listen to them. They are telling you they are going to continue😔✨☘️🙏
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Old fashioned meeting someone and getting to slowly know them can still happen. I met my partner at 48yrs old and him 58yrs in a Cafe. We've been together 2+ years....its always been fun, easy and effortless, getting better and better. 👍🥰😊 hang in there, the right person shows up at the right time.
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Matthew is completley right. Be honest with yourself and look after yourself and wellbeing. I was in a abusive and toxic relationship for 3 years and finally got the mindset and courage to leave him. My wake up moment was me sitting at a work function with an empty seat next to me. My bf cancelled on me at last minute so I went on my own. When he left for work the next morning I packed my stuff and walked out the door. He promised he would change blah blah ... 3 months later I left the country on my OE and was not in another serious relationship for 6 years. Needed that time to get back to my old self, enjoy life and be happy. I now knew all the red flags to look for and knew exactly what I didn't want in a partner and relationship which is important. Finally meet a lovely guy and still happy together 18 years now. Have a lovely child too. Hang in there ladies, just get rid of all the bad apples and time wasters.
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Finding a man who wants a relationship… like panning for gold in a trash heap.
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This video saved my life. I have been in limbo with a non-committal guy too long. I told him I am leaving, he initially did not believe me. I have been miserable for over a year. This video gave me strength to finally walk out. Thank you Matthew Hussey for your honesty, compassion, and truth. You have saved my life.
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A Successful Relationship IS one where BOTH people are mature and wanting to BE committed. 💯💓
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What he says about when someone says they are not ready/interested in a relationship...straight facts. In my 35 years of life I have learned when someone shows you who they are...believe them.
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What Mathew once said, you have to just trust, because nobody can guarantee you that they will never hurt you. You just have to know you will be strong enough to overcome any hurt. This was mind blowing for me..
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It’s crazy to me because I’ve been in the exact soul crushing situation of wanting someone who wasn’t ready. I constantly blamed myself for not being good enough to change his mind, I left and doubted myself for so long. I’m happy he’s explaining the seriousness of losing yourself because of someone who can’t even see you! Don’t lose your life because of someone else.
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51:10 Love isn't enough, compatibility is crucial. 💥
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For me at 42, one short marriage and 6 engagements since I was 22. The best thing I have learned from these relationships has been to listen to what the person in front of you is saying, they will always tell you who they are and you must heed that. No matter how charming they are, how hot they are, etc.
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Love this! Stop lying to yourself. Yes leaving will be difficult, but sometimes, when we're in the wrong relationship, staying is even harder and more painful.
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"Love isn't enough, compatibility is crucial" Matthew Hussey Love this whole interview. It was so eye opening.:) Wish I listened to this years ago.
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The relationship that I was in for 9 years just ended a month ago. I definitely needed to hear this. I kept hanging on, trying to change him because I had changed. So much fighting could have been avoided if I had come to terms with the fact that our time together was over years ago.
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Thank you very much for the last few minutes. I walked away from my ex boyfriend after 3 years of waiting, hoping and lying to myself, that he will commit. I walked away with depression, diabetes and being certain I'm not worth to be loved, seen, understood and even spoken to, that I'm not worth to get help of any kind etc. Now, for me, being single at 36 is not easy. But at least I live in peace. I'm not crying, not sad, not lacking of energy. My depression just gone 2-3 weeks after a breakup. When I was in a relationship, I had terrible headaches. Now nothing hurts me... I'm still alone, but at least with a question mark. At least calm, living my ordinary life, getting healthier just because the stress is over. This is a winning, my winning.
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Matthew is really having a positive impact on so many people's life. And Lisa is allowing him to do so by being a great interviewer. A great interviewer's main goal isn't to make themselves appear more interesting by talking as much as possible. They give space to the people being interviewed. I think she does an amazing job by engaging us through personal stories and not only making her guests talk but also letting them talk.
