SIGNS YOU ARE TRAUMA MASKING: LIVING IN A TRANCE OF TRAUMA

This is how I felt for most of my younger pre trauma therapy life. I lived in a constant state of anxiety perfectionism worry fear and insecurity. 💯 hyper vigilant. I had no idea I was trauma bonded and abused until recently. Totally had the same experience with my mother. I had no voice either and never expressed my feelings before. It’s like I just woke up and don’t know where I am or who I am. I feel so bad for my younger self just trying to survive, but also proud of her for all she did regardless of the trauma she experienced. Hard truths to see for sure. Focusing on my life and my identity now with self compassion and rescuing myself. Grateful for my therapy and safe supports. ❤

I remember being surprised in grade school when I visited friends and saw how peaceful and loving their families were. I seldom asked anyone to visit our home. Indiscriminately accepting people and jobs that came my way was an issue in early adulthood, and willingness to engage in conflict was a struggle though my forties. I try now to be wise about people, giving relationships a long time to evolve, but I also try to nurture my innocence, my beginner’s mind, because it is the source of my creativity - a part of who I am that connects me to others and brings me joy.

I feel like I’ve been in a trance most of my life, you hit the nail on the head for me thank you

Thank you for your sincere informative videos, they now make sense to me 100%. I'm in my mid sixties and I finally left an abusive unhealthy marriage after 3 plus decades. I had the perfect house, car, flower garden, bank account, career, etc. etc. and I did whatever it took to maintain that "fake image" at the cost of literally having my life force sucked out of me daily. I blamed my ex for my misery, it had to be him because I was the responsible adult (or thought I was) who had chosen him. It finally dawned on me that since the day I was born the I was being programmed to make the choice to marry a narcissist like my late father. My late Mom was afraid of him also and turned a blind eye to his rages, spankings and abuse to myself and my other siblings (and then Mom would go and cook up a delicious meal for us all to share as a diversion). I remember as a 5 year old if I was crying he would bark at me to "Quit that crying or I'll really give you something to cry about!" My Dad wasn't all bad all of the time, he did have his good points, but that's what really through my child's brain off balance. My parents were unsafe, plain and simple, reality does bite. I have been finally healing and working on my long overdue self love and self care, I have learnt my lesson and no longer live in the magical thinking, delusional world of Barbie or am I still a people pleaser. I treat my kids totally different than I was treated. I am enjoying living on my own as I would rather be single than in a relationship and miserable, and it's not too late. Hope this helps anyone reading, please choose wisely. Enjoy your day!

Dr. Sage, Are you saying that we stay children because we are trying to be taken care of now in the way we should have been as children? We are still trying to get that very basic need met of being parented. That makes sense. It explains a lot.

Oh yes, 'forced to become an expert'! I am totally self -taught and greatly feel the pressure always having to figure everything out.

This is my whole life. A month ago I was not aware of it. It spontaneously opened up. Now I am seeking therapy for C-PTSD and narcissistic abuse. I even woke up in the middle of the night with a random memory of my mother "volunteering" me to do chores in front of her dinner guests, and the look of rage on her face if I tried to decline. I was just a tool to make her look good. I wasn't a child. I was a thing.

This is my story. You actually made me cry because I am literally uncovering these patterns in me. It took a toll on me when it came to self care, money relationships, and over giving in relationships to compensate for the lack of worth I didn't even know I had. It took a spiritual awakening to get me here. I could not be constant in things I enjoyed doing because in my childhood the idea of loving came with the need to do something in order to deserve to be cared for and we never had enough. It is scary to see how I neglected myself based on the neglect I experienced in childhood. I saw the victimisation mindset it created and the fear and anxiety to change. I don't even know how to change it. Where to start. It is scary.

A huge problem with living in a trance state, is being given drugs to deal with trauma. The trauma remains unresolved and even when our subconscious finally processes the events, we remain in a trance because these medications are so difficult to come off and leave the brain injured. I know this isn't the point of the presentation but it does have an impact on recovery when GPs are prescribing meds instead of giving a voice to the patient.

Me too! I stayed in a trauma bond with my mother for 49 years. Ive been so embarrassed about that, that it took me so long to walk away. Its been almost 2 years since ive spoken to my parents. Your story and mine are SO similar.

I and many others are so endlessly grateful for your work. Since learning more about dysregulation and trauma, I have been able to hold so much more compassion for my parents' experience and my own experience. Your videos have helped me to recognize that I can honor my own pain while also recognizing that my parents are not to blame, but rather to understand and hold accountable for change and growth. Please do not doubt the impact you have online, you are reaching people that really really need to hear about these topics. I'm so grateful to be learning about this in my early 20s rather that later in life; you are helping not only people like my parents but also young people who are living in dysfunction. Learning about it while living it has allowed me to grow so much in forgiveness toward myself and my parents. Thank you thank you thank you.

Thank you so much. The brutal honesty you show is touching. I grew up in and absent parent house-(both parents) And I carried that lost, non oriented, searching; feeling out of place, unwanted, unloved, with me into my late 50's-when divorce forced me to Psychiatry and Therapy.

Thank you so much for this incredible insight into my own childhood trauma. I’m approaching the age of 70 in a few months and I’m still just that little girl wanting to be taken care of and to feel secure.

Everything you say resonates, and the wounded child in a healed adult costume..wow. I feel I am waking up to so much and a big part of that is due to your content 🙏 Have an amazing time at the concert!🎉❤

I've had an abandonment wound since i was given away through adoption at birth. Two older dysfunctional people decided to be parents. I struggled on so many fronts, never feeling like I fit in, attaching too quickly or not at all, choosing to allow or invite people into my life who actually didn't deserve me. People with drug or alcohol or psychological issues, unavailable, spending time with me as if it was a burden... I haven't dated in 12 years. I haven't met anyone who remotely interests me now that I'm figuring out what I don't want or do need. Happier than I've ever been.

I spent years keeping a wall around my childhood not wanting to acknowledge how it affected my adult life. It wasn't until last year that I started working through it.

This completely resonated with me!🤗🤗🤗 Yes I feel I have been a child my whole life ! Very naive. I just couldn’t see that people could be that mean especially my mother. Honestly I believe it’s because I couldn’t even imagine being that way myself. It really hurts now to make myself see the ugly truth in others. I hate seeing it. It makes me feel awful. I can’t understand these selfish evil hearts. Now I truly see my mother and the word that keeps coming up is evil. I know that sounds harsh but I have written down everything and it is appalling I often say, “ To be a child again” so I can pretend my family loves me and everything’s ok. I had quite the imagination as a child and honestly still do. I escape this way because reality is so ugly. For the first time I finally understand why people drink or take drugs/ these kids must see reality with their situation. I never used alcohol or drugs to escape though. Thankful for my vivid imagination.

Dr. Kim this video has been such a comfort to me. I’ve been in these exact places and have felt so much shame. Thank you for showing up, being real, and having so much compassion.

This is quite literally my whole life! I’m 68 and only in the last few years realising I’ve how much I’ve lived my life in trauma mode. A continuous cycle of anxiety and depression, so many poor decisions in my relationships and life choices all influenced by my childhood growing up with a controlling narcissistic mother who only recently passed away. Thankyou for this video Kim it’s given me a whole new clarity and perspective of what I’ve been living with these past 68 years! 🙏🏻

Lost my father at 19 ,he was 38 years old it was a car accident and then it feels like a constant storm hit. Now I’m 60 and feel like I could write a really good book.