Adult with Autism | Denying Late Autism Diagnosis | 60

“It’s hard to know where that mask starts and where the real you starts.” Exactly this - this has been the question since my diagnosis at 45. Thank you, Paul - I feel much less alone hearing that.

I’m so glad you mentioned not wanting to attend family events because you don’t get anything from them. I have always felt like I’ve had to force myself to spend time with my family and sit through excruciating small talk that lacks substance or connection. My family are more like familiar strangers to me, than family. It’s always felt that way, for as long as I can remember. I constantly wondered if I’d been secretly adopted, or abandoned by aliens, because I never had a sense of belonging in my family. Finally at age 40, I’ve stopped forcing myself.. I’ve learned to sit with the discomfort and guilt - that I was conditioned to feel - of knowing that they don’t understand why I’ve chosen to distance myself. My entire upbringing was one big act, like an actor on stage, performing, so everyone else will think I’m “normal”. I don’t want to keep acting anymore.

You're not broken, damaged, or disabled. Thank you for allowing us your strength, courage, and hope, Paul. Lots of love. Jess

" You thought autism was a brand of mint" 😂🤣🤣😂 😂😂😂🤣🤣 This is my new favorite catchphrase

I agree that it's better to be alone than to be with a wrong person!!!

I am 59 years old. I have watched many of your videos--it's all starting to make sense. I have been diagnosed: bipolar, CPTSD, Borderline, Major depression. I had an ex girlfriend tell me I was autistic and ADD. Now, after watching your videos--especially the one on 6 reasons you might be autistic or something like that, it all makes sense. My high-school girlfriend from decades ago told me recently I'm single because I'm scary--too smart and too honest. Now, what do I do? Thank you for your videos. I relate to everything you say.

absolutely. for us, recharge time is not free time. for neurotypicals they can be synonymous. but for a lot of us, recharge takes some energy as well.

"I don't need spoons!" 😂 "Forgot the name, the elephant one" 😂 Great to have you back Paul. Love your videos. They realy help me to make sense of things and balance me out. I had a problem with the glands and lymphs in my neck after covid too. They seem to be OK now so try not to worry. It's people that don't get these things checked out.. I'm getting a small lump on my leg removed in the next few months and I'm thinking the worst as always. I have had pretty negative experiences in the past when disclosing my diagnosis. But, recently I changed GP and it was the best move as she is so understanding and knows her stuff about Autism and adhd etc I went away feeling great. Thanks again, take care and hope to see you back again soon!

Thank you very much for this excellent video. ❤️ I love your honest, no shit, presentation style. I hit a wall last year, at age 62, discovered to my horror that I was Autistic 2 months ago. I was one of those prejudiced people who either never gave Autism a thought or believed they were all 'Arm Flapping Broccolis". A brand of breath mints works too😭 Raised to believe all birth defects should be euthanized so was very motivated to mask as a child. Have been struggling in the Mental Health services for 47 years with multiple diagnoses, dreaming on a cure. Not really sure what to do now. I have been actively shattering and crushing my personality my whole life with the assistance of well meaning psychiatrists. Not even sure how much of me is left. Some masks were easy to identify because I can no longer hold them but at present, I learn, try to recover from burnout and avoid everyone. Videos like yours are a gamechanger. Thank you.🌹🫶🌹 Hope you are feeling better soon. 🥰🥰🇨🇦

New subscriber - diagnosed yesterday at 41 - wasn't a shock but happy to find a truly honest person talking about ALL the aspects of late diagnosis, not just the "celebrated" social media angle - which again is like another pressure to fit in - I must be happy about it or else I'm letting the "side" down 🤦‍♀️

The part about not being able to do it anymore that really hit home. That went on for over a decade in my case before I finally had an answer. The answer was autism and the hope I felt post diagnosis slowly eroded as I disclosed my diagnosis and met with, either indifference or hostility in response. A few people understood and we’re supportive. Most were not. It’s like being C on a life raft after a horrible shipwreck a drift for years, and suddenly what appears to be rescue steams towards you only to turn away at the last minute and say you’re fine and head off on its way. Leaving a huge wake that threatens to swamp your little raft. Wow just wow….

I told my mother who is 87 and she reacted exactly the way you said - it is funny how predictable it can be. My family is in complete denial and apparently there is nothing wrong with me..well I knew that already, but apparently as you say, no parent wants that "terrible' label for their child, even though that label, made my life 1000000% better because I knew how to look after myself finally at age 51. Any person who denies you, yes, you are right, I can't mask for them anymore either, so they effectively wipe themselves out of my life because they cannot accept me and that's ok because it's not healthy to keep people like that in your life anyway. Thank you for the 'free time versus recharge time' that really hit me in a good way. Love your work and hope you feeling better soon.

Thank you so much for making this... You hit the nail on the head by describing how at 51 i was put on the NHS waiting list 6 months ago because i went to my GP and told her i dont know whyvi am here but.... I left with an anxiety and depression diagnosis and antidepressants.... A year later after no change i how i felt i went for my medication review with a different GP who passed me on to her colleague who had experience working with autustic people and after a chat about me, my past and my mother..... Well here i am on that list 😁

Thank you for making this video. I totally relate. It is hard to explain or for the neurotypical to understand the difference between recharge and free time.

Thank you for making this video. So powerful. It certainly 'spoke' to me and my experiences. I hope that your anxiety levels reduce soon.

This hit hard for me. I don't think any other content creator has approached this subject the way you do. The journey of how we got to seek a diagnosis, is so important. Thanks for another great video. Wishing you health and contentment. You are very much appreciated.❤ ❤❤

Me again, watched and listened again. You speak fiercely, passionately and eloquently. That is a gift. And in that gift is the help you want to give to those who deeply need it. Like me. 70-something and different as far back as I can remember. Didn't walk through a door. Read Temple Grandin, book on the "discard sale" library shelf, cover with a beautiful dog head, called Animals in Translation, rattled my bones with recognition. Then read many of her sources, parallel reactions, joy and sorrow. But still alive to have otbers explain me to me. It affects everything, doesn't it, past and present, and however long the future is when 70-some with serious health panic. I know there is not long enough left to process it all. I thank you deeply. I look forward to all the other videos--to have a companion spirit in this solitary journey within matters to me perhaps more than you can imagine, Paul.

Glad I found this. Was 40 for diagnosis. Autistic experience is my new special interest and it's been difficult to find community where the majority relate to a diagnosis at this late an age (and being this old at all, frankly). People lose interest in what I have to say when they realize I'm From The Time Before The Internet. It's been very alienating trying to belong somewhere even online. Also when I told my mother I thought I might be she denied it. When I got the diagnosis and she believed me she switched to asking what she might have done in utero for me to end up autistic or what she could have done differently in my childhood to expose me to more neurotypical role models and just blaming herself and asking my forgiveness. It was really impossible to respond to her like that.

Hi Paul Just recently at the age of 49 I felt like I had hit a wall, my mind was struggling to process anything which I feel made my depression worse. After trying extra hard to mask this especially at work, I felt completely exhausted almost as if I had run out of road and had nowhere left to go, I was prescribed sertraline 50 mg four weeks ago and I pray that these will eventually get me back to whatever my normal is. I felt like a weak person turning to antidepressants, but I suppose that for most of us of a certain age, we were told from childhood that if you full down you need to pick yourself up and brush yourself off and carry on, but now I except the fact that if we full down there is nothing wrong with someone helping us get back up. Nice to see you back again Paul.

Thank you Paul, i really need to hear this. I might send this video to the ONLY friend i worked up the nerve to say thought i was autistic to.... and they said i wasn't and laughed. I laughed too and agreed with them to brush it off. I havent told anyone since (pre or post diagnosis) outside of the autistic community. This was two years ago. His reaction has stopped me from telling the others. Its not worth the hurt, gossip and disbelief. You do have something to offer and your experience is valuable. Thank you for making this video and i hope you're on the mend from your health problems - keep smiling!