I Don’t Know What To Say – What To Do When Your Mind Goes Blank During Conversations
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Published 2015-01-22
First of, you need to realize that this happens to everyone and more importantly, you need to realize that it’s not your responsibility to fill in the gaps. Awkward pauses in conversations don’t necessarily need to be filled by you.
You’re not the only one involved in conversation and it takes at least two people to have a conversation (except when you’re talking to yourself). That other person also needs to actively participate and do his or her best to keep the conversation going.
Realizing this should help you feel more at ease during conversations because the pressure to prevent the pauses isn’t just on you anymore.
Why is this so important?
Well, I’ve found out that your mind goes blank during conversations for two reasons. One is that you’re not comfortable around people you’re talking to and the other one is that you simply don’t have anything to say. The good thing is that you can take care of both reasons pretty easily.
There are obviously many reasons how to calm yourself down and get more relaxed around other people.
You could practice a simple breathing technique that I’ve described pretty thoroughly in one of my episodes of Social Anxiety Advice podcast. You can listen to it here:
socialanxietyadvice.com/how-to-handle-holiday-anxi…
Another thing you could do to calm down is practice a special EFT technique during the moment of anxiety. It will help you relax almost instantly. It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes to lower the level of anxiety.
Again, you can find out more about this technique by following the link above.
Please understand that practicing these techniques won’t instantly turn you into a super confident person with great social skills.
These techniques are only meant to help you calm down so your brain can start working properly again and you can get the conversation going again.
For long-term results you will have to dig deeper and find out the reasons why you feel uncomfortable around other people in the first place. Then you’ll have to work on eliminating these reasons.
Now, let’s move on to the next reason why your mind goes blank.
It’s hard to be sociable when you have social phobia. It keeps you away from situations that could help you develop your social skills. It keeps you away from living your life fully because it wants to protect you from getting yourself hurt and embarrassed.
Obviously this doesn’t help when you need to talk with other people.
When you have no life it’s hard to be sociable because you have nothing interesting to say. It’s hard to be the life of the party if you’ve got nothing interesting going on in your life.
The solution lies in living a more interesting life.
Find yourself some fascinating or impressive hobbies. This will give you something to talk about.
And more importantly, become interested in other people. Become interested in what they have to say. This way you will eventually develop your social skills and you won’t have to deal with awkward pauses anymore.
If you have any questions about this topic you can leave them in the comments’ section here:
socialanxietyadvice.com/i-dont-know-what-to-say/
If you would like to know more about overcoming social anxiety disorder and building social skills, feel free to visit my website here:
socialanxietyadvice.com/
Last but not least, you might want to subscribe to my YouTube channel here and watch more videos I made on how to deal with social anxiety.
/ @andresossi
All Comments (21)
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I could listen to two people having a nice flowing conversation and think damn I wouldn’t have thought to say that
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I hate when I actually start a conversation and then after one response back my mind goes blank. The people I try talking to probably think I'm dumb.
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When I talk to people, I feel that my brain has stopped thinking. What I say is always very simple. I always practice what I want to say in my head several times before I speak. I always feel like everyone else is Watching me
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tbh I don't know what to talk about half the time
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like when i’m at my house with my family I am completely myself, but when i’m in public i have no idea who i am.
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He described my whole life.
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someone talking to me: me, nodding: yeah
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What happens if my social anxiety has been reduced over time but I still don't like making conversations because I feel like I cannot hold up a conversation?
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I think most of my problem is I've always thought, growing up listening to people talk, and later into adulthood, that 95% of what "normal" people talk about, isn't worth talking about to begin with... so it makes it hard know what is socially acceptable to these types.
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Most of my life I have never known what to say, even if I'm not in a social situation. People talk normally about other people or social situations that I have no opinion on. I just have never had ideas what to say to people, unfortunately most advice is how to speak not what to say.
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I feel stupid when socializing I fear to screw it up when trying to speak bcause I do not have anything interesting to say and I don't know what people are interested in. It really depresses me and I think that there is no way to change that.
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This never helps deadset, every single person just basically says, “ya just gotta get rid of your filter” it’s not that easy, I feel like I need to go to a school specifically for this problem for months straight to fix this bullshit. I work in customer service, I have to talk to people every single day and it just doesn’t get better. Yes some days I’ll be great but 95% of the time it’s just painful
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I remember when i use to write what i will say on a phone convorsation.
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See, the thing is: I don‘t care if I embarrass myself or if I say anything weird, etc. Apparently I am just not much of a talker, there‘s nothing that comes into my mind. 🤷🏼♀️ Telling myself not to worry over mistakes is not helpful since I don’t care whether I am going to embarrass myself or not..
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it may sound obvious, but a good trick is to listen out for keywords and then expand on it. eg. "This happened at school with ___" then the next thing you say is either about school or the person they're talking about, and then again and again. hope this helps someone out there
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2 Main Focal Points 1. Blurt out whats on your mind. (Express how you feel) Dont be afraid to disagree with someone this keeps a convo going. If you feel like your saying something irrelevant or weird than note not to repeat the mistake. This will slowly increase your charismatic skills. Put yourself out there, laugh have fun, and you will learn and grow as a speaker. 2. If you dont know what to say flip the switch. Make the other person talk. How? Ask then questions. Whats their interests? Goals? Have they ever tried (activities)? How are they feeling? Hows there day going? This is where your ears come into play. Actively listen, Face them you can move your eyes, and nod but try not to move your head. By listening your relationship will build with that person. And by listening you will most likely learn a thing or two. Hope this helped.
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"The inability of making a conversation " this is literally my definition
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Maaan this guy is good. I've been dissecting my social anxiety from its roots working to break down and tackle my fears, confusions, misconceptions in social situations and I ran into the issue of my mind going blank. I did a search on youtube and found this and it gave me an essential piece of the puzzle to overcoming my social anxiety. Thank you for you deep understanding of social anxiety. Its thorough knowledge like this that is essential to growing out of social anxiety.
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Peopel thinks I’m shy but actually I’m not. I just don’t know what to say
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I think the key is trying to enjoy the conversation, and learning is key, memory exercises also help with remembering knowledge and utilising it in conversation, and finding the humour in everything
