Secret Service Agent: How to Find Your Voice, SPEAK UP, & Communicate Well | Evy Poumpouras
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Published 2021-10-17
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On Today's Episode:
Check out Evy’s Book: Becoming Bulletproof here: amzn.to/3vOnPAQ
This episode is brought to you by Evy's new course Becoming Bulletproof: How To Read People And Detect Deception. Go to bit.ly/3bK0buu to learn more.
Though we all know how important communication is for literally every relationship you have, very few have taken the time to learn how to do it well. When communication is not done well, relationships suffer, individuals suffer and the consequences can be high stakes.
If there’s any chance of your communication needing improvement, you’re in the right place. Grab and pen and paper, you’ll want to take notes and add this to your favorite playlist to listen to again. Evy Poumpouras is a former secret service agent and an Unstoppable Badass, here to lay out everything you need to know about communication alongside Unstoppable Badass, Lisa Bilyeu. Spoiler Alert! This is about you, and the tactics you can learn and practice to improve your communication skills to build rapport. It’s not about what the other person should do.
Unstoppable Women of Impact Tips:
Build rapport
Tell the other person exactly what you’re looking for
Evy’s Strategies for Building Rapport
Acceptance: recognize what is being said without trying to change or protest it.
Adaptability: able to adjust to new conditions or circumstances.
Autonomy: having the capacity to make informed and un coerced decisions.
Empathy: ability to see from the other person’s perspective
Unstoppable Communication Questions to Ask:
Who are you speaking to?
Who is that person?
How do I speak to this person?
What is your goal and what is the best way for you to achieve that goal?
Unstoppable Key Terms:
Rapport: The ability to understand and communicate with people
Mirroring: When one person imitates how the person across moves, talks or acts
Identify Based Motivation: Where perception of self motivates you to take action toward a goal
Instrumental Based Motivation: The end state is what’s motivating the person to take action
Relational Motivation: The way that two or more people are connected
Order Evy Poumpouras’ book, Becoming Bulletproof: amzn.to/3hDQ4e4
SHOW NOTES:
Build Rapport | Eva on why established rapport is a ping pong match for communication [0:45]
Strategies | 4 ways to build rapport and keep people talking and communicating [1:41]
Using Strategies | Example for using these strategies with close relationships & situations [8:07]
Building Blocks | How building rapport establishes connection, trust and faith [10:23]
Close Relationships | Handling rapport and these strategies with close family & friends [13:28]
Being Adaptable | Not being so rigid, allowing people the space y build rapport [16:15]
Lisa’s Rapport | Lisa shares behind the scenes ways that she builds rapport with guests [17:51]
Get In Synch | Identity motivation vs instrumental motivation & getting to cooperation [19:26]
Cooperative Zone | When you find a way to move the conversation forward together [26:53]
Motivation | Eva explains how to use base motivations to get in synch and adapt [33:20]
Identity Vs. Instrumental | Lisa and Eva showing you how it’s done [34:03]
Choose Your Words Thoughtfully | Define words that you use, comply vs. resist [35:40]
‘No’ | Improving ways that you say no with compassion and without being harsh [41:38]
‘Sorry’ | Ways that language diminishes you when you apologize for everything [43:13]
Word Play | How words land with people: powerful, shut people down, provoke reaction [46:25]
Word Challenge | Lisa & Eva share how different words make them feel [47:13]
QUOTES:
“When it comes to communication, rapport is king. When you have rapport you have trust. When you have trust you have cooperation.” Evy Poumpouras [0:48]
“I have someone who’s giving me no trust, and I want to move that relationship forward, I do it through rapport.” Evy Poumpouras [8:00]
“People don’t remember what you say to them, what people remember is how you make them feel.” Evy Poumpouras [26:23]
“Rather than me trying to change you, I’m going to adapt to you.” Evy Poumpouras [29:23]
“Language can also diminish you and there are some people who their language is littered with, ‘I’m sorry’ and I think when you use that language when it lands on that person, it lands in a negative way for you.” Evy Poumpouras [43:39]
Follow Evy Poumpouras:
Website: www.evypoumpouras.com/
Twitter: twitter.com/evypoumpouras
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/evypoumpouras/
Facebook: www.facebook.com/evypoumpouras/
Instagram: www.instagram.com/evypoumpouras/
All Comments (21)
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Drop in the comments who you would like to be able to communicate more effectively with. Also join Lisa and Evy in the LIVE chat during the premiere October 17th 9AM Pacific!
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Evy and Lisa are an unstoppable duo
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This is how I've got hurt, when I didn't said NO at the right time, to the wrong people. Narcissists will feel like their ego was attacked no matter how gentle you are when you speak. They think that they're entitled to get anything they want.
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Rapport Strategies: 15:08 1. Acceptance 2. Adaptability 3. Autonomy 4. Empathy 1. Beware of your ego. Remember that although you may not agree with someones POV, identity, their opinion, their decision, their feelings, etc, what will move you forward is accepting it. Not as your own pov, identity, opinion, decision, etc, but that THAT is their reality/experience. 2. Beware of the ego, its a conversation, a ping pong, not a checklist of saying what you need to say or getting info. Know what your goal is for the conversation but adapt to change in topic, let them take you on a ride, be considerate, then when the moment comes, you can bring it back to your intention. Rigidity will make you unhappy easily. Adapt to the waves, dont try and control the ocean. 3. Give others the dignity of decision 4. Seek first to understand, then be understood. Understand their point of view, their experience, feelings, motives.
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I love this so much. This is why I have resistance to sayings like, "The truth hurts," and be "brutally honest." The truth doesn't have to be painful in order to land, and if one can't control whether or not they hurt someone with their words, then they haven't learned how to properly communicate.
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There’s some people where you intuitively know that they don’t receive some things very well, so I’ll attempt to deliver the softer version of a message, but… they’re also the same people who don’t listen properly or WANT to hear anything which isn’t aligning with what they want… so then I have to be blunt and at that point they explode in rage, or accuse me of hurting them and being a terrible person. There are some people who make it impossible to communicate with them.
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Absolutely LOVE these videos with Lisa and Evy - so freaking inspiring and applicable to so many situations! More please!!
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Saying 'NO' indirectly may cause the other person think that you actually say 'MAYBE' so it may give them hope that you may change your mind about something. Maybe it's better to politely say NO and then explain why? The worst truth is better than the best lie❤
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This will ABSOLUTELY be listened to more than once! Words, and their delivery are SO IMPORTANT, and I think few people stop to really think about the power of words- which is tremendous.
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"Read the face" - Lisa is so authentic - her ambition /eagerness to learn & teach and how she goes about it makes her a SUPERHERO!
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5 mins in and Evy’s method of “softening” a no is the thing I abhor most. Being vague is manipulative and disrespectful. If someone can’t handle a no, and they take your honest truth personally and make that about their identity, that’s a boundary break and NOT your responsibility. People feel when you respect them even if declining the thing they want. I simply cannot understand why we would want to coddle and perpetuate this all too common selfish mindset that comes from a lack of healthy boundaries. Softening makes everything worse. It disrespects yourself and them. Pain is not a bad thing, it helps us learn and grow. If someone needs to experience enough hurt to get to the point they seek out and learn healthy interactions, wouldn’t that be ideal for them/you/society/their future generations? Time to evolve. With full compassion for all of us and the world we are currently creating for the generations after us, can we not harbor and thusly condone dysfunctional ways anymore please? This is genuinely a “survival of the fittest” issue. If a family line doesn’t learn and pass down healthy behaviors, the family line won’t continue for long. That’s how it’s supposed to be. This type of manipulation will leave others confused, feeling like there’s no ground to stand on with you, and they’ll lose respect and not want to interact with you. And when that gets passed down, it will work less and less so that it isolates to extinction. Just tell your truth, clearly, with kindness and respect.
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Hey YOU, incredible person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️
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Language is the most important tool for empowering yourself and others. Thank you, Evy, for your terrific book!
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Why doesn’t anyone talk about siblings ? It’s always a parent or a friend or romantic partner. It is SO RARE to hear “or a sibling” on any video that I watch for help.
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I would love to be able to communicate more effectively with my 11 year old son. Speaking with your child in an understandable and effective way feels like it can change daily!
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What do you do if a person just cannot communicate and it's frustrating you because you have tried everything with them? At that point, I feel like they are hiding something. I stopped using "I'm sorry" about 3 years ago and it's made people realize that I mean business . Y'all need a tv show, tour, a bus, everything and take this global! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Evy and Lisa...partners in Prime! Love you guys thank you for everything you do to share with us ...Im empowered more with every word ...
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I’m halfway through Becoming Bulletproof and this information really helps to cement the concepts of the book. Also, love the editing and the vignettes!
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I can't wait. I love Evy and Lisa.
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I have a friend who seems to trash me/insults me every chance I see her, but because she’s a “Jersey girl” all of us friends make excuses for her Lack of restraint. I don’t let that stuff in anymore but it affects others.
