DOES THIS TRANS TIKTOKER "DESERVE" TO BE MISGENDERED? | FTM REACTS

So this is my perspective as a trans guy. I've been misgendered countless times, and it sucks. I've had numerous people come into my work and refer to me as a lady or "ma'am" or similar variants, despite me presenting like a guy and doing everything I can to pass. It's a horrible feeling, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, however.. it's unfortunately just the way it is for a lot of us trans people. There are things about us that immediately "clock" us, especially when we're pre transition/just starting to transition. I know from my own experience that I pass 90% of the time, until I open my mouth and start speaking. I think it's similar for the woman in the video. She very obviously is fem presenting and looks like a girl, but her voice does sound like a guy's. That's not inherently a bad thing, but it makes sense why she's being misgendered. I think that it's reasonable why she's upset, but at the same time, you have to realize that most people who hear that kind of voice will immediately default to "man." It's the same reason why I get misgendered despite being on testosterone.. my voice doesn't sound like a guy's yet. It's really unfortunate and it sucks, but it is something that most people who are trans just kinda have to go through. I don't think recording these kinds of interactions and lamenting on them is helpful. Just simply correcting someone and then going about your day is fine. Recording every interaction you have being misgendered and then feeling the need to speak to the manager about it is just unnecessary, in my opinion. TL;DR: Misgendering sucks, but videoing every interaction you have with people where you're misgendered is really unnecessary

It's not fun to get misgendered. That being said humans are hard wired to detect gender/sex. The brain is constantly subconsciously assessing in milliseconds who's who. Mistaking a pronoun while respectfully saying 'sir' a word generally used when you are trying to be especially kind, is not disregarding anyone's feelings. Imo this lady has made a career off of this.

The problem is that even after they apologize she still insists on talking to the manager….. like what do you want them to do with that info??🙄🙄🙄

It's not remotely transphobia to call someone who looks like a sir a sir. The convention has always been to make an assumption about someones sex (not gender) and then call them the words used to describe someone who is that sex (not gender). There is no negative judgement made towards the trans person when calling them sir, it's not remotely transphobic. Clearly they aren't scared of the trans person and there is nothing wrong with being a Sir. The dysphoria is why trans people have an issue with their sex being identified. Why do people hate one sex so much that they have a problem with being identified as it? This person isn't being misgendered, these terms are used to relate to sex WHICH IS WHAT THE WHOLE VIDEO IS EVIDENCE OF. Despite the attempts to appear feminine people can see that this person is male and then they refer to them as such. Them having an issue with this is a delusional meglomania, believing that there is something superior about being female then demanding others pretend they are so so that they feel more powerful and higher status. It's really no surprise that this happens these days after recent times of female empowerment leading people to pedestal female people for simply being female, of course people would start believing it to be a superior way of being

These people are working in a damn restaurant. They don't care about your pronouns, they care if they'll get enough tips to put gas in them car to get back to work and buy a few groceries. Stop using these people to validate your life !!

For me, i couldnt be so confident to do this, but absolutely understand why she would. the only thing i question, but i’m not sure if she did this, was complaining to the manager after someone did it by mistake. if it was on purpose absolutely, but if it was a genuine mistake by the waiter and you tell their manager, that can get someone fired. Although you did say that she called ahead, so if the business passes this information on the wait staff then theres no excuse

when "we just want to be excepted" to "call me my pronouns or else" the latter is the problem. Stick and stones my break my bones BUT words can NEVER hurt me! Learn it kids

Hi! Transman here. Also from TX. Love your content. I think the dislike has to do with the Karen attitude. Demanding to speak with the manager. Being super dramatic and telling people it’s like a knife through her heart. It seems like most of those circumstances were innocent mistakes and her reaction seems over the top. Intentional bigotry, sure - go off on them. Unintentional misgendering? Why not make it a teaching moment instead of trying to make the staff feel as bad as you do. 🤷🏻‍♂️ People are just people.

Multiple times she says "not sir, ma'am" and the server replies right back, "sir", only for her to reply again immediately, "ma'am". Those are examples of people blatantly trying to get a rise out of her. This used to happen to me as a kid all the time. Some examples are more dangerous than others, none are acceptable when she's already asked to be called ma'am. Even just an apology no matter how fake is more professional especially in a business setting. When this sort of thing happened to me as a kid, I usually never corrected people bc no matter how nice we are back, it all too often leads to bullying or worse, assault. Even when you don't correct someone. We're working together to make bullying trans people not accepted socially in any form. That's going to take as many people as possible working with empathy, competence and respect. When I was a kid, a group of kids would stalk me following me home on my walk back from school calling me "she-man". Finally, a few years of this on and off, they actually chased me and attempted to beat on me together. I was able to defend myself and escaped unscathed. After that, I ended up changing schools. So many of these people like to make excuses and explain it away, but behavior like that predicates more serious bullying and assault. Thank you for sharing this Dakota and having the courage and bravery needed to talk about this in both your video and comments. I'm proud to have you as a member of our trans community! You inspire me!

Also: My wife is tomboy, she just likes to wear men's clothes and she has short hair ect. She is gay. She gets misgendered all the time but she understands why. Is someone supposed to ASSUME she's they/them, non binary, or even a trans man using he/him pronouns? That's just as bigoted as someone misgendering a person, if not more considering it's usually a good faith mistake.

man idk how u deal with all this transphobia, i just went through all these comments and they’re wack. i hate my job and want be a youtuber so bad but i don’t think i could deal with this stuff. you’re a real one dakota

Jeffrey Starr is feminine. Wearing women's clothes and makeup doesn't mean you should assume they will use she/her. Especially with the Gen Z generation. The young men are very feminine. Nothing wrong with men who espouse feminine style, but there is no guessing at what a person's preferred pronouns are.

i don't think it's the fact that they want to be called a woman it's the fact that they are going to these places, confronting people, the people then apologize and they proceed to get a manager involved. Which can get people fired. they are potentially taking away someone's livelihood. that is never okay.

The fact that Lillitino is repeatedly doing it in front of the camera and asking to speak to the manager says more about her than the staff. I don't really think all those staff are deliberately missgendering. First point, Lillitino has a deep voice and sounds like a guy even if she dresses as a woman. Secondly, how the hell in this day and age, with so many genders/neopronouns to choose, would a waiter on minimum wage know what pronoun to pick?

I definitely don’t think anyone “deserves” to be misgendered and I do understand the sadness and discomfort one feels when it happens but I will say that sometimes having a constructive conversation instead of constantly creating a negative narrative is where we create change. Let’s show someone accidentally getting it wrong, but fixing it after being allowed patience and compassion. We are, after all, changing the language as everyone knows it. What a gift these generations get to be a part of.. Instead of being on the defense, giving ammo to the transphobic folks, let’s try to find common ground. Of course, with that said, there are people that don’t want to hear it.. but I think there are a lot of misinformed, good people out there. Kindness almost always wins.

Not related, but: I'd really really like to know what the song/artist or music genre is at the end. Could someone help?

dakotaaaa you seem so comfortable infront of the camera sharing your thoughts and feelings, loving the way u vibe w the microphone in your hand. this is a successful video forsure, u with a microphone makes me wanna listen! u fine as well but we already know that. ok im done now 🙏💟

and it’s the way that lilli is so clearly feminine presenting. for some trans people, constantly going out of your way to adhere to traditional gender norms can be kind of exhausting. sometimes I make sacrifices to seem more masculine, not necessarily cause it makes me feel good but rather just in hopes that people won’t be able to say I’m not trying. but no matter how hard you try to pass, they’ll say “if you didn’t want to be misgendered than you should try a little harder to pass” while simultaneously voting for people that restrict trans healthcare and make it harder to pass uuuuggghhhhhhh I hate cisnormativity

If these are the things concerning this lilly person, then they may have a hard time handling major life issues. Restaurant workers could care less what they identify as, they work for hours on end to make an income. Sorry ...

I am learning not to use gender terms as much but it is really clear I am used to making assumptions. My son is being patient with me knowing I lapse because of 29 years of different speech. I do think Lilli handles the subject fairly. These debates create learning opportunities.