Adult with Autism | Dark Side of Autism | Late Autism Diagnosis

I am 38 and have just gotten a late diagnosis of Autism. I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety as a teenager but nothing ever helped it and it has only gotten worse with age. Only now do I understand how my anxiety is linked to my masking and while it is a relief to understand myself better I don't really know how to "unmask" yet. I've been playing the part for so long I'm not sure if I even know who I am. While I do not like phone calls or live conversations I do enjoy communicating through the written word. It is the only way I have ever been able to truly communicate and connect with anyone. If anyone here can relate to that I wouldn't mind having a few penpals that can relate to my situation.

"I've been fake forever for your benefit. Now I just wanna be me." - I feel that.

I always say, having supportive people in younger years makes all the difference. I didn't. I was diagnosed at 45. I am 56 now and lonely. Always been alone.

“I need more hours in a day to think than there are actually hours (in a day)” Man that hits close to home hahaha

I am 70 years old and have only had a gradual realisation of this explanation of my life during the last 5 years. I'm glad that young people now have more understanding and help.

I'm 50 and was diagnosed last year. Nothing has changed. My work's HR is useless, my family says I'm fine and labels are meaningless, and I don't even know who I am without the role I play. I'm glad that it's official but I'm still stressed and still tired. sigh Thank you for sharing your perspective.

“I’ve been fake forever for your benefit” so real bro I could basically be an actor rn

Neurotypical people don't get that what brings us to a diagnostics as adults is precisely that it gets harder to deal with all this, and we are suffering more than before. Keep it up, man.. it's nice to hear a working class down-to-earth voice speaking about these issues.

I hear you. When I was a kid, autism wasn’t a thing, then only boys had it, then I was too old to be diagnosed or considered. I got diagnosed at 52. I’d grown up, had a terrible time with work, gotten married, had a terrible divorce, wasn’t able to bond properly with my kids, so much! So much pain could have been avoided if I had known. So many paths unwalked because I didn’t know. At first it was a relief to find out, so many questions answered. Now it’s just depressing.

"The older I get, the easier it is to break through my resilience wall" Freaking a... this is like the exact wording I've been needing to use that I couldn't think of on my own. Always told I'm so resilient, and realizing lately - especially in work - that I am unable to handle less bullshit and stress than before. That I've been living "fake it till you make it" all my life and faking it is just becoming too heavy a burden nowadays.

I thought to make you smile – my diagnosis came only three weeks ago. I am 85 years old and suddenly all the heaviness of decades of puzzlement and negative experience dropped off. In my opinion, to have a diagnosis is marvellous. And I am rejoicing, however late in the day.

I'm 52. I have SO MANY memories growing up as a kid and into my teens of being socially awkward. Watching other kids have 'fun'. Sitting at the back of the bus and watch the noisy kids blabber out loud and stare at each other. I don't have an official diagnosis of anything but I know I'm wired differently. I perform my job very well. But avoid company parties. Social anxiety is practically painful while I try to absorb and digest all the noisy information around me.

This is the most meaningful video about autism I've watched, and I've watched hours of them. I've tried to tell the few friends/family I had and they either pushed back angrily or disappeared. The downside of being (relatively) good at masking. I don't know what the new landscape will hold, but at least I am coming to understand who I am instead of trying to figure out how others want me to be.

I was a nurse who became a stay at home mom when my children were young. Even as a trained nurse, I totally missed that my children and I are on the autism spectrum. And my mother and father, siblings, ex husbands. My whole world was full of autistic people and I just put it off that we were all a bit quirky. Thank God above that autism awareness and education are opening our eyes and hopefully our hearts.

“Missed opportunities” This is a major one that really does my mind in if I think about it too long. Recently diagnosed at 39 and I look back on a life of masking and confusion .. a diagnosis answers a few questions but raises a few more. But yes, the things that I’ve missed out on are enormous .. I’m honestly not even sure what a “good and balanced” life looks like for someone with autism …? I spend so much time and energy recharging that I barely have energy left to do much else

I'm 63, and can say it's pretty much ruined many aspects of my life. Not the autism itself, but the lack of support, and the not knowing what the hell was wrong with me, the inability to fit in, and the lifelong difficulty with employment. I'm with you on the fear of parking, and the fear of being late (and a whole lot of other things!)

Omg you are literally describing my reality!! Down to the emergency exits, parking, everything. You have captured this so perfectly. I'm 35 and its EXHAUSTING.

True about communities. They aren’t immune to hierarchies and in-crowd out-crowd clique crap which alienates me instantly.

I understand this wholeheartedly and it really isn't pleasant to admit that. I have never really connected with autistic groups. I was even pretty wary of the group my psychologist formed of her adult-diagnosed autistic clients for the longest time. It took a while but eventually I did start to attend the group meets and it did change my opinion finding that they were all of that similar mindset. That we don't fit in with the early-diagnostic crowd and it gets incredibly lonely trying to find neurotypical people to indulge in our interests on our terms with. Even in this group with something like 12 active members most of us don't share similar interests, but it at least allows us a space where we can discuss topics we find interesting during the groups, and we've started arranging hikes and other outings together. The focus being so often on young people and early detection is good in the long run but it also has the unfortunate side effect of making anyone diagnosed as an adult feel like they're just damaged goods. "Oops, we missed that one, ah well, it'll sort itself out."

Really glad to hear you address the issue of resilience. I'm 68 and the diagnosis is in process. But oh my yes, so many things I have pushed myself through in this long life of coping with trying to be like everyone else and forcing myself to do things because that's what 'normal' people do. The cost to my psyche has been enormous! People talk about strength and resilience as though they are infinite and they bloody well are not!