How to Apologize the Right way

Apologies are soooo meaningful to me because my dad NEVER could apologize. It means so much when someone hears me out. I speak my part as gently as I can instead of getting defensive because I know it’s been a trigger for me but I've learned to assume they meant no harm to start with. My ultimate goal is openness, understanding and PEACE.

Canadian here married to a Brit, both with C-PTSD - we take apologising to a whole 'nuther level. 😊 ❤

You are so good at explaining these concepts so clearly and briefly and accurately and empathically. It's a talent for sure, but I know from experience it also takes a lot of effort. I truly appreciate you sharing all of that with us, thank you.

“I’m sorry” becomes “you’re complaining. I hear you. Now be quiet”. My response to it now is “don’t be sorry, be better”

thank you for this. My X apoligicedto me right away before I had finished explaining to him why I felt hurt me by something he did/said, he would repeat "Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry" and hug me intil I stoped talking and I felt he wasent really sorry but that he only wanted to silence me. Im so glad I managed to break up with him when the pandemic hit.

This means so much to me. I always apoligized so quickly it led to strife with the girl I was talking to. I wish I'm glad I found your videos while I'm still young. Thank you so so much.

I have used heart talk projects for decades for my students.....and clients.....it helps people learn to give total attention, and to move through an issue, equally. In small students, we would ask them to sit on a chair, or hold on to a fence post outside and talk until they are sure they understand and are ready to move forward. This has a great benefit of teaching kids to communicate openly and honestly, as well as to be empowered to stand up for themselves, not play sic the teacher or parent on the other kid. An added benefit is that the real bullies are out of service for hours as they have scheduled talks with many other students. Their parents are often required to sit and not say a word, today I would have them watch video.....and see how their child REALLY acts. Many a time teachers, in the interest of getting back on schedule rush an apology, parent do the same! We can all learn better communication skills. Parents can and do learn how to lead a heart talk and facilitate for teens to learn to lead them for smaller children.

I can say yes, it is hard to stand there and take it when the one you love is lashing out at you over what seems to you to be a miss. On the other hand, sometimes, we hurt someone without thinking. Imagine the example of dancing with your partner. If you step on her toes, she will say ouch because it hurts. Telling her that you didn't mean to do so doesn't take away that hurt. On the other hand, if, instead of saying ouch, she says, "Are you trying to kill me?" and not in a teasing manner, I.E. it's an attack, it's hard to stand there and take it. There is work on both sides for this. If you step on someone, intended or otherwise, it hurts. Acknowledge the hurt and accept they are hurt. Telling them you didn't mean to do it, or that they shouldn't feel hurt isn't going to fix things. If you are the one who is hurt, don't assume they did it on purpose. Accidents happen. Misses happen where you each just see things differently.

Wow ! He said yes it’s hard but it doesn’t make it less necessary. I struggle with being passive about everything but im going to work on it

"Thank you" so much. All your videos on narcissists were both entertaining/funny on & also "seriously informative" to help me leave someone alone that was not good for me. It brought the **clarity to my mind needed !!

Yes, this will be hard for me to do because when I'm wrong, I apologize pretty quickly. I admit i was wrong. I have to listen to this video again to get a better understanding. Ok.. I get it. Hopefully, the person you are apologizing to will be open to your sincere apology. If not, atleast The person apologizing has done their part. And can move on from it. ❤

You are so above and beyond on this topic. I see so many "very educated" people that are "bouncing around",about what is really going on.... you are a true professional... you brought honesty which was truly missing... yeah it can trigger people but there's no way around it... we either corect it or forget about it, and do the same mistakes over and over.... I am so happy and proud of you. Proud that you had the courage to embark on this journey. I wish to you, LOTS OF SUCCESS!

This was a beautiful explanation..

When i would accuse my last boyfriend of things he had actually done, he would always say: Oh nice one. Which understandably made me feel more angry and frustrated. What he should've said was: Yes i did do that and I'm sorry and i won't do it again, and really mean all of that, then we could've made up and felt closer emotionally instead of further apart. I couldn't get anywhere with him always saying: Oh nice one. Extremely frustrating for me !!!!! He did so many things that were terrible. The way he treated me was so bad, I'm not going to put up with that again. I'm so glad he's gone from my life. I deserve so much better than him !!!!

Wonderful video! It's amazing and sad how something like an apology can become a toxic thing. Genuine care involves more forethought than many people seem capable of, lol.

What do you do when they frequently blame you for being defensive when you’re really just trying to seek to understand how they are feeling?? 🤔

So like you do something, you ask them what made you feel like that and what did you wish i had done instead, and then say i'm sorry?

exactly .. ot's the narcissits way to apologize too quicky to end the discussion

Your content is amazing brother, thank you : )

I think i never had a real apology. 😢 Giving me so called apologetic hugs, felt more like physical control and there was never an understanding or a care about what upset me. Flowers and chocalates and other expensive gifts is also mot a real apology😢