How to Piss Off the Dutch (if you ain't Dutch, you don't mean much)

Dear Ugly Tourists, don't worry: there are plenty of Dutch people that do these too and we get angry at them as well.

I woke up today wondering how I can upset the Dutch. Wonderfully, Mark has stepped in with a how-to guide! Thank you — now I’m ready!

How to upset the locals more than by claiming Holland is the Netherlands: claim Holland is 80-90% of the Netherlands.

Haha as a Dutch person I agree with most of what you’re saying. Good job on highlighting that the dutch culture isn’t the same as the tourist culture in Amsterdam. I do think that the Dutch switching to English isn’t because they’re annoyed, it’s because they’re trying to accommodate the other person. Maybe the annoyance thing can be led back to Dutch people being very direct and honest, meaning that it can be misinterpreted as being annoyed. We historically are a trade country so we just are very used to switching languages!

As a Dutch myself we don't get annoyed by someone trying to speak Dutch, we actually enjoy it . That someone is actually trying , we get really More annoyed by the Germans and French people who visit and don't even try our language they expect us to speak and understand German or French, wich really makes many of our elders get angry. Anyway we speak English and we're happy to teach you Dutch even we sometimes make fun at your mistakes when you're trying 😉

The speaking Dutch thing, I actually it depends a bit on the setting. In my workplace I have a lot of international colleagues so yes, we automatically switch to English. And in important conversations where speed is of the essence, we stick to English and indeed wouldn't appreciate it if someone is bumbling along trying to speak Dutch. However, when having a more social, relaxed conversation with that same colleague we are happy to let them try in Dutch and help them find the correct words if needed or with pronounciation. I'm not from Amsterdam, but if you are visiting Amsterdam all I can say is try to remember that people actually have to live there and the loud, drunk and high tourists partying all night are making the city pretty unliveable. So try to think how you would feel if some drunk person was screaming outside of your window all night long. I'm sure it would upset you too. Finally, I can't speak for all Dutch people but I agree that it would upset me if someone is late for an appointment or shows up unanounced. To give an example, my former sister-in-law (also from the Netherlands by the way, so we aren't all the same) has made it a habit to visit me on my birthday with the children. Sounds fine you might think. Thing is that my birthday falls in the summer holidays. As she is a teacher, she has those days off. I don't. I could be working from home, in a Zoom meeting with colleagues or whatever and she's suddenly standing there with the children. I feel bad about having to send them away because it isn't the children's fault and they are excited to bring me their gifts. All of this could be avoided by a single phone call or text message asking when I actually celebrate my birthday.

I think I was from the Netherlands in a former life because I like everything you said about them 😂

The misunderstanding of us immediately switching to English and not appreciating people speaking Dutch, probably has more to do with our wish for efficiency than a distaste for people wanting to learn Dutch. Most tourists will interact with locals as a customer, often in a busy shop/museum/restaurant. Not only do we prefer to speedily help the customer so that we can help others, but we also would want to avoid misunderstandings. In a more relaxed environment, I am sure we appreciate people learning the local language just as much as any other culture, especially from people who are planning to stay here for months or more.

An important thing to mention in this social media era is that the Dutch do not appreciate you filming people in public spaces, especially inside shops. I've seen a hotly debated video of an American streamer doing a live stream while at a Dutch market. The stall owner told him not to film and the influencer guy gave lip back. The discussion turned heated real quick and the stall owner ended up chasing after the guy wanting to fight him. The American audience sided with the influencer saying that he did nothing wrong and it was his right to film the market stall. But let me tell you, we Dutch are allergic self-important people. So be considerate of others and know that they do not want to be filmed or filming in their shops. Stores in Amsterdam have a No Photo sign at the entrance; this applies to everywhere else in the Netherlands.

Absolutely spot on! I worked with Dutch military in Afghanistan, and they are very direct and will in no uncertain terms let you know when you’ve offended them! On a domestic flight in the US, I mistook a Dutch lady for being German. That did not go over well.

Another thing to realize is that when people from different European countries (Lets say for example: a Dutch person, a French person, and a Swedish person) come together, they will speak English. Even if no English or Americans are in the group. A Dutch person doesn't expect the French and Swede to know their language, so English is just the language that all of them know at least enough to get by. It's not only something they do to accommodate American tourists in their country, it's something Dutch people do when on vacation in Spain or Italy or Morocco. If they travel to the same country regularly they might learn some of that language but they aren't likely to be fluent in Arabic for a weekend trip to Morocco, and they know the locals will not speak Dutch, so they speak English.

I've never been in such a situation since i live in a small town but if a tourist tried to speak Dutch i would definitely try to help them in Dutch. Whenever i go to a different country i always try to learn some basis phrases as a sign of respect and effort, so i would love it when someone tried that with me.

As a good Canadian, I feel obligated to learn to say 'please' and 'thank you' in the native language. But I will never try to go beyond that because I know I'll mess it up.

I think the thing about switching to English when a tourist is trying to speak Dutch, really depends on the situation. If noone in the situation is in a hurry and you are in a relaxed setting, sure go for it! We’ll even try to teach you quite happily 🤗 But please, don’t attempt it when at the cash register or placing an order with a queue behind you. We just want to quickly move to the next customer instead of wasting time trying to decipher what it is exactly that you want or what you are trying to say. In those situations just knowing «thank you» and «good day» is good enough and will make us smile too ☺️

One other way is to go into the flower field when told not too . They are working farms and the tourists are stepping on their merchandise

You should visit the southern part more! We're a bit more relaxed here. I mean, I'm from the Noord-Brabant province, and we're so often late that it is known as a "Brabants kwartiertje". Basically, up to 15 minutes late is acceptable. Don't say Holland though, that's another country, across the rivers. And never say Heineken is any good. It's terrible yet we managed to sell it to the entire world...

7:30 its not just Dutch thing, I am a Czech and its endearing and sorta nice when tourists try to order usually beer in Czech or use Czech please and thank you phrases but I must admit, while I applaud their effort and all that sort of things, I much prefer them to speak English in shops and pubs and if they need to ask something, it saves everyones time and is much more easy and less nerve-wracking to decipher what they want or need than trying to guess what they are trying to say and physically cannot pronounce or even hear the difference between that noise they're making and the actual Czech word for it( no shade, Czech pronunciation can be really hard, depending on ones native language, and if youre genuinely trying to learn Czech then go for it and practice, practice, practice, but for like one time visitor, specially from county with totally incompatible language, id say stick with English).  I think the perception is different in small towns where any foreign visitor is rarity but in Prague and other tourist destinations with millions of tourists a year it gets old pretty quickly.

Mark, you are pretty spot on regarding the things which annoy the Dutch. Nearly 50 years ago. I married into a Dutch Family here in Western Australia. One thing that always amused me and my mainly Australian wife she was born in Rotterdam but came to Australia when she was only two with her parents is that if my wife and I said we are going out in two days time so I can’t meet you my mother-in-law would put us through 20 questions. Where are you going, who are you going to see, what are you going to be doing etc It was a bit annoying to start with, but we got to Understand why she was asking those questions. It was not as though she was being nosy. She was just being curious. Another thing is, when they invite friends to their house, the very first thing they do is offer the guest coffee and probably cake. In Australia, where I am, The first thing that an Aussie would do for a guest is, do you want a beer or a glass of wine. The last thing that happens at an Australian party or dinner is that the guests are offered coffee. The hidden meaning behind doing that is that “hey guest, it’s time to go”!

We were in Amsterdam this year for the 1st time and absolutely loved it. We found the people to be friendly and helpful. It takes some getting used to with all the bicycle lanes. Public transportation is easily accessible and affordable. Your videos helped us with our trip through Europe this year. Thank you!

The Dutch are very honest people which I highly respect