Core Stories: The Most Underrated Way to Change Your Life (Identity Shifting)
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Published 2024-07-08
The Best of Series | 10-years In The Making: • THE BEST OF - Clark Kegley | Top Vide...
There's a saying, 'It's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing.' Have you ever noticed that in your life, it's not that you procrastinate, but rather the fear of it going wrong causes you to put things off? It's not that you're scared of relationships, but you're scared to get your heart ripped out. We call that 'the thing behind the thing,' and in this video, we're diving deep into the stories you tell yourself.
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Hey there, I’m Clark Kegley, a former pro drummer turned self-improvement advocate. Here on YouTube, I provide guidance to help you transform into your 2.0 version.
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Video of Neurons Connecting courtesy of Dr Lila Landowski:
© Lila Maree Landowski [originally published online 14/11/2019; video generated in 2010]
VIDEO PREVIEW
I can't emphasize enough how important this subject is. Once you see how it's affecting you, we'll discuss a 'film strip' of your life. We're also going to explore core stories and where they come from. Most people are running on three or four core stories, and that's it. These stories are literally controlling your entire life. I'll even pose a question or two on how you can address these issues.
We often hear about the need to fix your limiting beliefs. It's all a mindset game, right? Here's why that perspective is flawed: you work in three layers—your thoughts, emotions, and core stories. Thoughts are on the outside, what we'll call beliefs. If you believe in yourself enough, you might take actions to build your business. If you have better thoughts, then you might feel successful or content. But it's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing. What's behind thoughts? Emotions.
Take driving, for example. When you're in a bad emotional state, your thoughts and actions change based on that emotion. Your thoughts are like files on a computer, and your emotions are the folders they're stored in. Change your emotion, and you'll notice your thinking changes as well.
But there's one more layer, and that's what this whole video is about. What do you think this first layer is? It's your core story, also known as your identity or self-image. This is the most crucial element. Why does rewiring limiting beliefs often feel ineffective? Why does positive thinking feel so hard when we're in a low vibe? It's because most people try to change from the outside in, from layers three to one. But the fastest way you can change your entire identity and your life is to go from the inside out, from level one to three. When you change your story, your emotions and thoughts change too.
Before we dive deeper into these concepts, let's briefly touch on what I mean by 'stories.' Since the dawn of humanity, information has been passed down through stories. This is literally how our brains evolved to store information—not with just ones and zeros like a computer, not with just linear thinking or absolute fact and logic. These are all tools, but we developed through passing down stories orally before written language. It was passed down around a campfire. Think of the last movie you watched. You probably can't recount every factual event that happened, but you can summarize the plot because that's what genuinely happens.
In your life, have you ever questioned the story you're telling yourself about you? Let's continue exploring how your brain works because this is very important. Are you getting this? I hope this is making sense. You're essentially right
All Comments (21)
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There's a saying, 'It's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing.' Have you ever noticed that in your life, it's not that you procrastinate, but rather the fear of it going wrong causes you to put things off? It's not that you're scared of relationships, but you're scared to get your heart ripped out. We call that 'the thing behind the thing,' and in this video, we're diving deep into the stories you tell yourself. Here's the free "coffee shop" questions guide I mention in the vid: www.clarkkegley.com/free-questions The Best of Series | 10-years In The Making: youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2LyGQJuIOzBPhuyGXx8CnS… MY FAVORITE TOOLS 🟣 Book List - read if you want to grow - kit.co/clarkkegley/best-books-2024 🔴 YouTube Gear - how I film my videos - kit.co/clarkkegley/youtube-gear 🔴 Studio Gear - make filming easier - kit.co/clarkkegley/studio-gear 🟡 Shortform - my fav book summaries - shortform.com/clark ⚫ Notion - my digital "second brai
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I am a doctor of clinical psychology. This teaching from Clark is pure psychological gold. I could not have explained it better.
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Tony Robbins wrote that the only thing holding you back from what you want is your story about why you can’t have it.
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Amazing! Thanks a bunch! My mom abandoned me and my brother at a sitter when I was 7 years old. I have thought that I was unlovable my whole life. I realized that my mom was fleeing her life. Not me. I am amazing and lovable.
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I just realized I’ve been on the planet 52 years, believing and perpetuating ideas about who I am, conceived by my mother’s abusive Borderline Personality Disorder. I know she was sick, yet I’ve held her distorted ideas about my worth all these years
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your story about math trauma is making me question my entire "dyscalculia" diagnosis. i KNOW i can do math when i’m not afraid of it. thank you for sharing, i'd never heard that term til now. keep it up ♡
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As a 9/11 survivor, I greatly appreciate this information. It took me 20 hrs to finally do something about my story and I was able to in 90 days.
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"It is not what happens to you, it's what you do with it"
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I've read multiple books and watched a hundred videos on identity and self-help, but this one really hit it out of the park! After this comment I'm going to walk into the city, get myself a dedicated journal and start asking myself "I can't, because... ?" Instant sub, excited to watch more of your vids (after the walk)
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I am "better" than loads of people at lots of things. There is no value in that. There will always be SOMEONE better at SOMETHING than I am. The true value lies in ME being better than I was YESTERDAY.
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This is an appealing way to think about self-improvement. I like stories and have successfully communicated with others through stories, but communicating with myself? That's new. So, what's my story? I left home at the age of 13 because I didn't like being beaten (...and don't worry, I had a safe place to go.) That has been my core story for 50 years and it's kind of a sad story, a victim's story, poor me, if things don't go right what do you expect? HOWEVER another way to tell the story is "I did not like being beaten, so I figured out how to make the changes necessary to make it better" ... covers the same facts, but doesn't it feel stronger? My story means that when something doesn't seem right, I figure out a way to fix it. If it works, yay me, if it doesn't work, oh well, there's always another problem to solve tomorrow. It's a good way to live - I just needed help seeing that. Thanks for giving me the idea of telling myself a better story.
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I am a certified NLP and Hypnotherapist and man your videos are the best. I hardly watch long videos but yours are pure learning. Awesomeness packed
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Damn..I learned so much through this breakdown. I have been doing a lot of self-development the last seven years and never seen it broke down like this. You have an amazing way of being to articulate and breakdown to help anyone and their journey of healing. Thank you sooooo much for this! I’m saving this baby!
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“ has she really avoided pain or has she made her life more painful?” wow
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It's pretty nice having someone lay out inner work in such a clean and concise manner.
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My takeaways - Change your story and it will change your emotions that will change your thought. - Give me a boy tull age of 7 and i will show you the man - Story we tell to ourself is either contamination or commitment. Most people is first one. Thanks Clark for sharing good content.
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What I got out of this was the following: I always believed, or must have learned or head somewhere, that Thoughts come first and are the driving force behind emotions, which then leads to the story we tell ourselves, This is a very interesting re examination of that structure, Thanks man, much appreciated. WIll try to put into practice ~
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Our stories have shaped us precisely into who we are, today, in this very moment. And those stories serve us... for a time. They protect us and help us cope. Inevitably there comes a point along our personal growth adventure where we have to change our story (therefore our identity) if we're no longer enjoying and benefitting from the patterns and manifestations appearing in front of us, which we then call our life. Not easy to do, but it's possible if you're determined to really turn things around for yourself. 🙌 (Also, the karate photo from when you were a kid, lol. Classic.)
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Wow. I've been believing in a contamination story for the last 16 years...I have been trying to reframe it, and I think you just helped me give it a better meaning. Love your videos Clark, thank you for all you do on this channel!
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“I can’t because,” is hard because most motivational speakers, life coaches etc, are constantly telling us NOT to say or believe “I can’t,” but all that does is push our “I can’ts” into the shadow… we are always told NOT to say I can’t and not to look at why we feel we can’t… we don’t realize we have a core belief of “I can’t” because on their surface we are parroting back that we know we can.
