VENDING MACHINE OF LOVE | The Theme from OnlyCans

OnlyCans: Thirst Date is now availavle for FREE on Steam! store.steampowered.com/app/417360/ #gaming_news LYRICS: VERSE 1 Hey guys, are your lips dry? Any desiccated ladies trying to get by? I know the best way for the girls and the boys to Come together and enjoy a little moisture So you’re waiting on the mate that’s one-a-million? And carbonation ain’t the way that you envisioned You say it’s strange but baby shed your inhibitions And let your date slip into something aluminium She’s elegant and eloquent and so effervescent Subtle bubbles in my stubble feeling ever so pleasant Never thought I’d find a girl with such a delicate essence Free with the meal deal at the delicatessen Saw you sittin’ in the fridge with a twinkle Are you a multipack can or are you single? A little of sipping and a spritz isn’t sinful I’m just finna get my finger in your ring pull CHORUS So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love And pick that fizzy little minx that you’ve been dreaming of If you’re cursed with the thirst of a lonely man You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans Every glamorous can has a heart to fill So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil Get lost in the froth as the foam expands Get your lovin’ whilst you’re gluggin’ on some OnlyCans VERSE 2 Now you’ve seen other paysite galleries But none of those girls taste like raspberries So if you think we’re just some obscene cannery All our cans are over eighteen calories So, give a spray for some flirtatious behaviour That come-hither hiss is what you came for We’ve been brewing up a plethora of flavours Say we’re crude, you can never say we’re tasteless So if you drink it straight or with a mixer Bring a mister or a missus home for dinner Everybody’s got a different fizzle in their spritzer What’s it matter what ingredients are on your sticker? I haven’t met you all, but it’s contextual You’re all impeccable if it’s consensual If you’re ace, demi, pan, flexible End of the day we are all can-sexual CHORUS So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love And pick that fizzy little minx that you’ve been dreaming of If you’re cursed with the thirst of a lonely man You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans Every glamorous can has a heart to fill So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil We can semi-guarantee that we won’t be banned Get your lovin’ whilst you’re gluggin’ on some OnlyCans VERSE 3 May be fizzy but I’ll spit a little candour Sure it’s sticky but we’ll lick the spillage after There’s only one app for tin-can philanderers Snapping what the can did with your candid camera Can a can cancan? Yes it can, all the cans in Cannes are Canuck cans in Canada, Manly cans in Canberra in canoes Grabbing noodles and canoodling with cans in Can Tho Mexican cans in Cancun, scandalously scantily clad in their scanties and decanting at you Camping with a Scandinavian can, under a canopy, alone in a canyon with your can boo Share a cannoli with Italian cans on the canals before a candlelit dance Then canter off to Canterbury for a canny romance, you better cancel your plans This Can-sonova can’t handle the demand Of Cantabrian cañ-oritas in cantinas with fans on the Canary Islands Strip canasta ‘til you’re down to your pants and your can-panion froths over your hand Damn, these Cantonese Shizes are your creamiest stans So go over to - Can-bodia, You can let the local flavour flow over you Getting down with the hard, round chromium Lovin’s never been so low-sodium Can looking like a snack? That’s a canape Can-paining like Barack? That’s a candidate Can sweet on your tongue? That’s a candy cane Can rocking them guns? That’s some cannonade Feel that can in your heart? That’s a cannula Can sends it’s regards? That’s a Canister Inquisitive can? That’s a canvasser Insensitive can? Cantankerous CHORUS So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love And pick that fizzy little minx that you’ve been dreaming of If you’re cursed with the thirst of a lonely man You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans Every glamorous can has a heart to fill So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil Hey, don’t touch, just hold the cam Get your lovin’ whilst you’re gluggin’ on some OnlyCans SPOKEN OUTRO: So download OnlyCans, the game for soda lovers! It’s got very high ratings! …Oh, oh sorry. No. It’s very ‘hydrating’, my mistake.

"Im sorry in advance" proceeds to make an absolute banger

Everyone: You can’t just make a song where all the rhymes are can Stupendium: What if I did so anyway

I’m a Vietnamese who has been listening to a hell ton of English musics, so the “grabbing noodles and canooding with Cans in Cần Thơ” hit me like a damn truck and left my jaw dropped 😭😭😭

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been told to “get your mind out of the gutter” in reference to beverages in a Stupendium song about beverages, I’d have 2 nickels, which isn’t a lot but dang is it hilarious that it happened twice

i am speechless. i never thought id love a song about oversexualized soft drinks but here i am. but seriously this is just amazing i love it

You took “sex sells” to a whole new level. Corporate would be proud

"get your mind out of the gutters" The Stupendium has never sounded more british Edit: THE MAN HIMSELF RESPONDED :OOOOOO

the fact that this song about having relations with soda cans is also one of the most inclusive and beautiful love songs ever written is amazing

I feel he's just had this song on his computer for years and was just waiting for any excuse he could find to upload it without looking suspicious

Stupendium's search history: Locations that start with Can Words that start with Can Idioms and phrases that start with Can Can puns

The fact that this song manages to be so queer-positive and sex-positive, by shining light on not as talked about sexualities, spreading important messages about consent and bringing up how sex isn’t something to be ashamed of in any (consensual) form because everyone is different and that’s ok while also being a song about dead souls trapped in pornographic soda cans and being an absolute banger is so impressive. Props to the Stupendium, they’ve truly outdone themself

Loving how this attracted all the aroaces💀

I can't believe it took me my entire life until now to realize that every letter in LGBTQ stands for can-sexual.

Did I really just enjoy a song about sexualized cans? Yes. Do I regret it? Hell no.

I mean Stupendium always has and interesting wordplay in his songs, but after 2:42 it's like a whole new level

I actually went through with a pencil and paper and throughout the whole song (not inclunding any in the intro or outro or echoes at the end of some lines) you said the word Can 87 times! There's got to be some kind of award for this

the pan-colored cans, the fancy outfits, the music, the puns, i love everything about this

"I'm very sorry you had to see that" "If you enjoyed the song, please get help" i have never been so offended by something i 100% agree with

trying to impress a woman "oh yeah im a huge fan of pop music" Shows her this