Disney's Pinocchio Remake is INSULTINGLY BAD...

No seriously, I hated this movie so much

Also: The tracking issues are especially so embarrassing because this is a story about a WOODEN PUPPET. You're telling me they can have actors interact with plushes or have real animals on set which are then animated over in other movies, but this movie couldn't have made a WOODEN PINOCCHIO for Hanks to hold and animate over it??

I miss old Disney when they weren't afraid to show some scary stuff and made the happy ending feel more earned.

Character lacks any agency because he's not allowed to make any choices. The entire point of the original movie is that Pinocchio CHOOSES to be bad against Jiminy's warnings. In this movie things kind of just happen around him.

My biggest issue with this remake is they changed events related to the story in ways that ruin the overall message. Pinocchio in the original film is convinced to join the puppet show instead of going to school. This is why he faces the consequences of his actions. In this movie he actually makes it to school, defeating the purpose of the life lesson. When Pinocchio goes to Pleasure Island he indulges in smoking and even implies he was breaking things with an axe. He's then transformed into a donkey which was a metaphor for saying he was being a jackass. In contrast in this movie he refused to break anything, there weren't any cigars, and kids drinking root beer is hardly a problem. Once again this movie missed the true purpose of why the scene worked in the original. Being turned into a half donkey in this movie isn't justified. The whole point of the original film is that Pinocchio doesn't know right from wrong and he's easily lead astray. And when he makes the wrong choices there are consequences for his actions. These experiences are meant to build his character into an individual that learned from his mistakes and eventually chooses to do the right thing. But in this movie he's already trying to do the right thing all along. Sure, he's easily convinced to do the wrong thing a few times almost choosing not to go to school, but Jiminy catches up with him convincing Pinocchio to go to school before he could complete his bad decision. Then there's the time where he selflessly put Geppetto before the puppet show and his donkey ears and tail vanish. The problem with this scene is it has no meaning because he never really tried to do anything wrong in the first place. When the plot is about learning from your mistakes and then the movie doesn't allow you to make them in the first place, you have failed to make a faithful adaptation.

It's a weird decision to give Pinocchio a real solid wood texture, have his eyes PAINTED ON, and then animate THOSE. Like... the old Pinocchio had eyelids. Ventriloquist dummies have eye lids. some particularly impressive marionettes have eye lids! GIVE PINOCCHIO EYELIDS.

It sucks that 3D animation is considered an “upgrade” to 2D and not as an equal

They really should've used an actual puppet prop for the scenes in which Pinocchio is being handled by someone and the scenes where he's not alive because it's blatantly obvious he was a CGI model the entire time

Also the fact the 1940 Pinocchio might be one of the scariest and Darkest Disney films...EVER. I'm an adult, Pleasure Island still makes my skin crawl.

Y'know every time I look at a CGI character that is terribly inserted into live action, I think back to the backbreaking work that they did in Who Framed Roger Rabbit to make sure that every interaction between the real and the animated was as believable as possible, using trick sets and animatronics to allow cartoon characters to carry and use real objects, painstakingly animating light and shadows to match reality... And then you have Tom Hanks awkwardly fumbling with an invisible puppet so they could paste a plastic-looking wooden boy into his hands.

You know we're going through hard times when Disney can't make Disney movies

Remember that emotional scene with Monstruo where Gepetto almost drowns and despite him telling Pinocchio to leave him and save himself, Pinocchio comes back without hesitation and bravely pulls him to shore? That terrifying scene where he’s fighting the current, the rising waters, and the fucking whale trying to kill them and Pinocchio despite being completely terrified sacrifices his life to save his dad? Where Gepetto unconsciously begs Pinocchio to leave him and then Jiminy finds Pinocchio's dead body in the water? Upon directly after everyone mourns Pinocchio and the Blue Fairy rewards him for his bravery and sacrifice in saving his father? Well FUCK THAT says Disney and Robert Zemeckis. Let’s just cut out Pinocchio’s saving his father in a beautiful and courageous sacrifice and then being rewarded by being human like the scene is nothing important! Let's just remake the scene from tangled because it worked SO WELL there! I guess like the new Mulan Pinocchio just has super powers now. They completely missed the point yet AGAIN. This fucking movie has angered me more than Mulan. Everything about it is wrong on some level.

I hope Del Toro's Pinocchio will be more similar to the original book, at least keeping more dark aspects. In the book Pinocchio is way more of a rebel, literally killing his own conscience. The fox and the cat are way more evil, even hanging Pinocchio at one point to steal his money. The Coachman could be literally any adult that uses kids for their own profit, and the scary thing is that at first he's portraited as a very nice person to children. These are just a few things that I remember, but there's way more. If you want to read a truly dark story for kids than this is your book.

You know Disney is collapsing when "FaThEr WhEn CaN i LeAvE tO bE oN mY OW~n I've got da hole worldussy~😩😘🙄💋💅🏼!" has more personality than Disney's entire remake.

The fact that he doesn't even touch on the terrible dialogue and the fact that they made CGI PUPPETS DURING THE REAL PUPPET SCENE is amazing

The phrase “Disney’s ___ is insultingly bad” could be used for nearly everything they produce nowadays. Just insert the current, soulless piece of crap entertainment into that blank space. A blank space is an appropriate visual for modern Disney’s lack creativity and quality. This once great studio is now Disney in name only.

The thing is by the end he DOES actually turn into a real boy, it was that bad that nobody could notice it unless u look at how slowly the more into the dark he goes the human skin appears and the the bendy parts of wood disappear, it looked disgusting 🤢

The best thing to do is just avoid Disney remakes in general, the more you give them money the more remakes they’re gonna pop out.

I was just mad that they didn’t smoke fat blunts like they did in the original

I like to imagine that after the movie, Pinocchio every time he sees donkeys for sale, he kinda talks to them and tries to see if they are humans or not. i've had that in mind for ten years and apparently this film's greatest positive contribution to my life is reminding me of that