Classics Summarized: The Odyssey

Hades: Once again, the only one of my brothers that didn’t make this situation harder. Why. Am. I. Always. The. Bad. Guy?

10:43 Argos: Was I a Good Boi? Thanatos: No...I’m told you were the best

12:20 Fun Fact: according to my high school history teacher, the Greeks considered it disrespectful to kill a man with a bow, as a bow was seen primarily as a hunting tool that should only be used for killing animals (I’m not sure how the context of War would change that idea though) Odysseus then proceeded to murder a fuck ton of the suitors with the bow he just shot, killing all of them while simultaneously calling them all animals

Odysseus: "We embark on an epic Odyssey" Odysseus's crew: "What's that?" Odysseus: "It's a journey named after the only surviving traveler" The crew: "What."

Fun fact: Odysseus means "man in constant sorrow."

My class had a shit fit when Odysseus' dog died.

I love how Penelope's response to "your husband will be back before the end of the month" is "do you think I should get remarried". Honestly, I feel like she kinda knew that the beggar was Odysseus and wanted to see his reaction

You forgot the bed story! So to explain my absolute favorite part of The Odyssey, considering it had been ten years and Odysseus didn't exactly look the same as before Penelope still had her doubts, because it was one of those "it's too good to be true" situations and people had actually tried to say they were Odysseus to take the throne before. She wanted to believe it was really her husband but she had to make sure so she hatched another plan. Now, their marriage bed was actually sacred to them, as Odysseus had carved it himself out of a tree that had roots in the foundation of the house itself. Don't ask me why they built their house around a tree, that's just how the story goes. Now, most people didn't know about this, only Penelope and her husband. So to test to see if it was him she decided to come up with a story. Using the secret of their bed, which only her and Odysseus knew, she told him "Oh, of course we can go to bed, but the room it's in is different now just so you know. And by that I mean I had it moved to a different room." Odysseus lost his shit, not just because he was angry but because he was like "how the HELL did you move the bed woman it was part of a TREE did you YANK IT OFF? Do you know how HARD I worked on that bed and you YANKED IT OFF?" and he goes on this whole rant of exactly how he made the bed, something only he would know. Then she gets all emotional because it really WAS her husband and she's just like "honey it's okay I didn't actually move the bed I just had to be sure" and then they lived happily ever after

My father is a sailor and loves this epic. I asked him what the lesson was, he said: Shit Happens

Good news, Odysseus staid with Argos until he died, so Odysseus wasn't just like "Hey buddy! Papa's gotta go murder some people!" Odysseus staid with Argos until the poor thing let out his last breath, then he cried, and then he was like "Alright, party time"

You missed the part where Penelope wants to be sure he's really Odysseus and she's like: oh, guess I'll move our bed in the living room to sleep there and Odysseus like: no, damn it! I litterally built it into a olive tree, you can't move it! and Penolope is like: it's really you! and then they continue their relationship

6:56 this is actually Odysseus being really clever. By immobilizing himself and listening to the sirens’ dulcet tones, the crew can observe him and figure out when it’s safe to unplug their ears.

"...and then the dog dies." officially the WORST sequel to the Illiad

10:45 "As Odysseus approaches his home, he finds Argos lying neglected on a pile of cow manure, infested with lice, old and very tired. This is a sharp contrast to the dog Odysseus left behind; Argos used to be known for his speed and strength and his superior tracking skills. Unlike everyone else, including Eumaeus, a lifelong friend, Argos recognizes Odysseus at once and he has just enough strength to drop his ears and wag his tail but cannot get up to greet his master. Unable to greet his beloved dog, as this would betray who he really was, Odysseus passes by (but not without shedding a tear) and enters his hall, and Argos dies. The simplicity of the relationship between Argos and Odysseus allows their reunion to be immediate and sincere" *sobs uncontrollably and begins drinking*

Odysseus after passing the Cyclops, Circe, scylla and Caribdis: "How did we miss all of this on the way to Troy?"

So is anyone else super excited about the Odyssey musical that's releasing concept albums?

"Oh yeah? Where can I find him?" "He's dead."

"Scylla is one ugly piece of work" proceeds to draw her as a hot monstergirl

Fun fact: the first time they were on Circe's island, one of the dudes got drunk and fell off her roof and died. A very glorious death.

“Wait, wait! I’m a mage! I have 2 hit points!” “Then I suggest you turn them back, before I have to whittle that number to zero” Such a badass line