Simple 4 Step Apology to Repair Conflicts and Disconnection

Need to get that last asterisk on a billboard and some shirts. "The best apology is changed behavior." Love it.

Is it blatantly obvious to anybody else that we are failing our children by not teaching them how to interact and apologize with others

"Here's what I'm gonna do to prevent this from happening again" - this is crucial. Apology without sharing an action plan and acting accordingly means nothing.

These are the steps in a repair that i learned from a therapist: 1. Timing 2. Listen to the effect that it had on the other person. 3. Acknowledge the effect. 4. Apologize. 5. Ask if there is anything else the person needs from you at this time. 6. Open Door - Let them know that you are open to having additional conversations about this in the future.

Don't forget that when you apologize, be specific in what you are apologizing for. It's not just "I'm sorry." It's "I'm sorry for Action."

I kind of boils down to maturity. If people know how to act in a mature responsible way then a lot of this can be avoided.

Best apology is changed behavior. Best quote ever!

I tell my hubby that a lot. "Things aren't changed until they change.' and "don't say sorry, just don't repeat the behavior"

So true. It's so easy be on one extreme or the other. Completely defensive and unyielding. Or over sympathetic and bending over backwards. Neither one of those actually dealing with the problem or trying to find resolution. But instead focusing on surface level feelings and emotions.

This is a great way to apologize to our kids as well.... ❤

“Best apology is changed behavior”… YES! Also, you can apologize to me and I can forgive you with an unconditional love, but that doesn’t mean that I trust you. Trust is built from seeing the changed behavior in action. This is a concept that I had to learn as an adult and am now teaching my kids.

Keep excuses out of your apology. Thank you! This needs to be emphasised more. When I hear an excuse with an apology I want to say ‘so will you behave poorly the next time <> happens? If you have no intention of changing behaviour, the apology is worthless.

I love this. I tried so hard to keep my statements about how I felt and yet my ex would immediately (before i even started talking really) just roll his eyes and say "what have i done now?" I can now recognize that he was carrying over unhealed hurts from HIS ex....but no matter what i said, or how, he got defensive. (Our biggest one was "I feel disrespected when you are late and don't contact me to let me know) Anyway, i guess that's one reason he's now MY ex....haha.

Conflicts happen. The opportunity for growing a deep connection lies in that healthy mending process.

My old relationships always made me feel like I wasn't doing enough. As someone thats on the spectrum if you just tell me your mad at me i will fawn and fawn and fawn. A lot of people dont realize that to do better, the person will need support in changeling their habits. All people deserve to be told they are helpful and bring love to peopels lives, and if they aren't holding up on their apology/behaviour then they need to the maturity to tell their partner when this change is hard and more communication can hopefully open up

I love your channel, and I really wish people would apply this knowledge more. There's no need for fights if communication was THIS clear to begin with, but there are sooo many factors going into what needs to happen, how comfortable a person needs to be with their Partner, and creating a safe space for talking about your feelings.

Finding you has really helped my partner work on himself and understand where I come from when we are communicating.

Thats something ive been saying for awhile now. "Dont apologize if you dont really mean it." I dont want to hear the words, "im sorry". I want to see the change happen BECAUSE you're sorry. Same goes for me as well. I dont want to apologize if i expect to do it again. So instead, i want to focus on making sure the next time i do it is not as negatively impactful.

The only thing is, when boundaries HAVE been mentioned numerous times, and that behavious is constantly repeated over and over, there IS accountability required by the offending partner, if they dont care enough to quit their ignorance. By causing a fight because their actions are so frustrating. And no care on their part to help you through your own sensitivities- when you have made the boundries clear. No boundary respect. ? Then there's gaslighting of said boundries. Edit. I guess that IS gaslighting.

I really appreciate the videos like these that actually explain in detail like almost scripted, verbatim, healthy ways to communicate thank you so much