10 "Survival Lies" You May Tell If You Have CPTSD

i don't think it's about lying so much as it is not being able to fully express yourself. Blocked emotions and thoughts cause suffering.

The 10 lies: 1) you are having a fawn response 2) you start lying from very young to become socially included 3) you have a self-story of yourself that is not actually true (it was crafted to adapt to parent environment for example) 4) you might have learned to lie to avoid loss (of caregivers) --end of childhood-- 5) lying to secure resources/safety 6) you lie due to toxic shame 7) you find yourself in weirder scenarios (due to past trauma) where it becomes easier to just tell overt lies 8) you tell an overt lie after experiencing a trigger (that gives you emotional flashback) to give a simple explanation to your change of behaviour to others but you might not even be aware of the trauma behind that trigger-response-lie 9) you lie because you dont want to have to caretake the other person's feelings if you were to tell them the truth 10) you might lie because it feels nice to feel normal sometimes around others

For me, it's not lying, but about avoiding communicating some sort of truth that might cause conflict. So yeah, you nailed it!

I think as a child, we simply don't know that we are being neglected or abused, because this is all we know and we have absolutely no comparison of how other "healthy" children grow up. So when a teacher asks us "if everything is okay at home", of course we say yes, because to us it is normal. It is only much later, often only in adult life, that we realize that we grew up in a dysfunctional home.

And let’s not forget how we observed the adults and institutions around us as kids CONSTANTLY LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING. I was a super smart kid and I KNEW they were lying, so I thought that was the thing to do- au contraire, lying was THEIR right but NOT mine, so then I learned all about the deep and unrelenting hypocrisy of the culture around me. Now I have concentric circles of intimacy between those I can actually, TRULY trust- and the degrees of everyone else. Lying kept me alive.

24:51 had me BAWLING. I have self sabotaged my entire adult life. Not only do I think I’m not worthy, I am constantly berating myself for hurting others in my pursuit of unhappiness. My God, I have no clue how to stop and be the authentic me, whoever that is.

Lying to prevent abuse: a slap or an angry verbal outburst from a parent or violent spouse. That type of lying often ends once there is recovery from complex trauma. The most dangerous lie is the denial that abuse is happening. Please be safe. I went no contact with narcissistic, abusive family members and feel great peace, safety and freedom. I wish the same healing for you.

"Loyal to a fault". It seems loyalty means that we are supposed to allow someone to trample us while we agreeably tolerate it. In my experience at least. Once I speak up for my self I get the old disloyalty (or betrayal or whatever you want to call it) treatment.

This video made me start crying because of how called out I felt. I like thinking of myself as an honest person and I tell myself that I only I tell lies because of self preservation. I'm always ashamed. I've always thought I was inherently bad and wrong. I didn't know this was all a c-ptsd thing. I'm not just wrong and I'm not alone. Thank you.

My personal recap: 📌 Because you are fawning (Agreing to things in the moment and realizing later you were just trying to please the other one) 📌 To socially blend in 📌 Because you don't really know what is true about you story (this happens to childs who were scapegoated. This gives a conflicted image of who you are. Desoriented sense of self) 📌 To avoid lost 📌 To keep someone else's secrets 📌 To secure resources (because you have to hide your history of unstable jobs, bad credit, unstable relationships, health issues, bad references) 📌 Because you think you're toxic to the core. (Goes with self-gaslighting. Whatever bad happened to you is because you are a bad person or you are overdrammatic) 📌 To avoid to see people feeling inconfortable hearing your story and unable to give you advises. 📌 To explain to people a reaction we had that din't fit the situation (Sometime, we don't even know this is trauma or emotional flashback) 📌 Because you don't want to put your problems on other people. "I have to make other people feel better about the fact that I have a problem" (stress, anxiety, depression, physical pain, etc.) 📌 Because it feels nice to feel normal (often in situations you feel you don't belong) ***English is not my first language, so you might see some basic grammar mistakes! 😅 Thank you so much Heidi!

I’ve always thought I’m a really honest person and terrible at lying but I definitely relate to this…I tend to be really good at leaving out information or twisting my story slightly to sound normal or acceptable. But I’ve realised from watching your videos that this just leaves me with more shame. I feel fake and awful and I’m actually self-sabotaging by not being my authentic self 😩

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

I relate to the fawning symptom. And sometimes it takes me longer to process how I feel than the amount of time I have to respond, which makes it really hard to be honest in the face of conflict. You get so used to taking abuse that the fawning kicks in on autopilot and you don’t realize you should actually be angry or stand up for yourself until a day later. The irony is that telling someone the truth often causes more conflict, even when you go out of your way to say it diplomatically and fairly. A lot of people don’t actually want your honesty—which means someone who fawns needs two things to tell the truth: speedier processing and the ability to stay untriggered in the face of people who rage at hearing your honesty.

I recognized that I was in full fawn response in a phone call recently. I was so anxious I was agreeing to and suggesting things I did not want and couldn’t stop myself.

I could remember several years ago, I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Was actually diagnosed with cptsd. Not until my husband recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

I did not shed a tear when my grandparent passed away. But I did when I heard you said "you deserve to be love". Thank you.

I’m a psychologist. I really appreciate hearing your story. Despite working with people with trauma, I had not put together the connection with chronic lying.

I am 60, a survivor of child abuse, a recovering addict (17 years sober) and someone who lied all the time because of toxic shame. Rough edges still remain so my healing journey continues. This video was awesome, there is so much to relate to. For those who are starting their journey or in the heat of healing I want to share that there is light in truth. Persevere. It is worth it.

I am 50 years old and have been through a ton of healing. Yet, it has been rare to hear voices like yours that are understanding of the trauma that I have endured as a child (and adult). Years of hearing that I was not normal for not being able to do what other could and how they did them... I cannot tell you how relieving to hear, even just one voice that says: It is okay, there is nothing wrong with you. It is okay to do life your way. You are worthy of love. I have told and do tell myself these things. Often. But to hear it from someone else... it is like a salve for my wounds.

This video is so healing as an autistic CPTSD sufferer. Growing up different in that way you get told everything about you isnt normal, the way you move the way you speak the way you think the way you interact with everything. So you lie to others and yourself about all of those things. The lies run so deep into every part of who you are. And then the guilt of that lie is so much to bear. Thank you for this video it’s helping me learn to untangle the lies.