I HATE MY DREAM JOB...real adhder struggles

Yup. <3 you are not alone in feeling this. One thing that has helped me a little is reading books by ASD authors. For experiential stories a lot of general autism spectrum strategies transfer well to ADHD, or at least help to see problems differently. This makes me think about is how much success with ADHD is both a function of support and environment (and likely access to medication). I do think ADHD needs a fair amount of both, but anyone with ADHD who went through a period of their life playing the role of "high achiever" can think back on the environment that fostered that. A big problem with the expectations of the standardized work environment is that it blocks out entire swaths of the population, and when we talked about things like disability activism this is part of it. Your manager can be as supportive as possible, but that doesn't necessarily mean the environment will be, nor is it necessarily appropriate to expect all working environments to be. The dream job fallacy really hits home too. I have had the dream jobs of many people. I find a hard wall in focus by the 2-year mark, and a requirements in sufficient interest is forcing myself into a completely new domain. I primarily make what I call "aggressive lateral career moves" working in research for wildly different topics. A good percentage of these jobs would easily be called someone's dream job, and I believed for that myself as well. It didn't help. It really makes me feel for people who don't even have support, because I know so many people who grew up without support. I know that a good percentage of the population has ADHD. There's obviously overlap and I know that as a society they are discluded from the conversation. There are so many people with ADHD that turn to substance abuse in order to cope with these problems. One of the strongest predictors for substance abuse in ADHD adults is not having ready access to medication younger. This could be a problem of access, support, or diagnosis it's really hard and wouldn't be fair to derive causal relationships here. What I've lately been struggling with is the consequences of lifetime over prioritization of work/skills. There are so many things to do in the world, and the more specialized the less practice applied to the rest of your life. If you want to maintain relationships or take care of a living place or participate in your community/politic or care for family these are all disruptors to a regular environment fostered from years of practice leading up to now. I'm regularly losing entire sectors of my life to the expanding effects of time blindness.

Resonate with so much here. Sometimes thinking about all the things that cost more effort because of this diagnosis makes me so angry. Companies value things like consistency and task completion because these things are easy to see and measure. But ive decided to stop spending so much effort in those things just to be average or fail. My current strategy is to show what I can do - I may not be consistent all the time, but I can contribute and be involved in 5 projects at a time. I might not complete all my tasks, but I am good at identifying new opportunities and starting new initiatives. These things are valuable too, and they feel more intuitive than forcing myself to be a perfect, cookie-cutter worker. A company needs people like us too!

25 and going through almost the exact same thing. Thank you for sharing your story.

Oof I relate to this so much, literally HAVE an amazing job, but I just want to create and sometimes I consider it boring. I realize I’m trying too hard and moving too fast. Thanks for sharing your perspective. ❤

Im so sorry I feel you. I used to be very similar (no adhd but other stuff, I had repetitive thoughts, was inconsistent and chaotic, panic attacks, social anxiety...). Keep rationalizing and validating yourself. My advice might sound really stupid but its not. Daily cold showers and cold exposure helped me so so much with dealing with stress, mood regulation and reducing the anxiety levels. Also I don't know if you are into art and stuff but acting could help you a lot with your emotions and become comfortable in who you are and in various situations. I am proud of you too ❤

1. Accept your limitations and stop stressing over things you cannot control. It's important to stop the internal melodrama and self pity: it's a feelgood coping mechanism that keeps you perpetually miserable (one example of melodrama is in your description "I hate.. I hate.. I hate.."). It's harder for us girls as we are naturally more emotional. But getting it out of the way is important so you can focus on what you can control. For example using various tricks to help you focus. Rhythmic music / pomodoro timers / gamification / focusing strictly on one thing at a time. If you lapse, whatever, try again. But stop stressing because it's not the end of the world :) Accepting and being conscious of your limitations might also stop you from projecting your bullshit onto your relationships. 2. Expectations does not equal duty. You don't need to fulfil anyone's expectations. Your only objective duty as a girl is probably to have kids and take care of your family/parents You might want to check out: - 'The subtle art of not giving a fck" by Mark Manson - 'Deep Work' by Cal Newport.

Ive experienced very similar issues my entire life. I was diagnosed with adhd at 15. It's a daily fight and it's exhausting. Especially being unmedicated.

Jingwen, this was such a beautiful diary entry. I feel like as I was watching you I could feel the sadness, disappointment, blame that you've been feeling for a long time. But the best part of that delievery is that you really spoke to me. I got laid off 3 times and I only realized on the 3rd time it was a me problem for sure. I could no longer blame anyone else but myself for the difficulties I was having at work. I am not diagnosed but I'm 90% sure I have ADHD. You articulated ME perfectly. What I feel, what I go through and more. Thank you for this video. I'm excited for your journey! (I did not expect to get so emotional at 4:40AM haha.)

I’m exactly like this… I can’t work a regular job. It’s mentally, emotionally and physically painful for me. I got diagnosed with ADHD last year.

I always try to confirm or council with my therapist (psychologist) what is happening inside with my emotions and is it related to ADHD. I really recommend that you do the same. Some of the issues you bring up in your videos might not related to ADHD but some other issue. In some ways everything in our heads is related to ADHD but I have found greater success in understanding nuances. Keep making awesome videos! We are not alone (just very few).

Happy early birthday ✨ keep doing your best for you to fulfill your dreams and expectations. One thing that helps me at work is to write everything down. If I don’t write it down, it can get lost in the currents of my mind. Flagging emails also helps and just going over my deadlines toward the end of the day to see what I’m finishing and what I might have missed.

What’s worse is I live in a country where there’s no professional to diagnose me I tried going to another country they brushed me off and told me I have potential made me believe in myself again only to come back to my real life realizing again there’s something wrong I’m afraid that I might just be spoiled & lazy seeking to group myself with neurodivergent ppl as an excuse for myself…my family tells me that & idk what if it’s true…I always had bad self esteem but I hit rock bottom whenever the thought of being a complete loser not being able to achieve my dream life , I just wanna quit uni & just rot at home for the rest of my life only to realize that parents are getting old they’re not gonna last me a lifetime & if I don’t graduate I’m not gonn be able to make money & get out of the depressing sh*those I live in What’s rlly f*ckin me up is that everyone around me like my classmate would complain about the same things I do but when I interact with them they far better they’re organized & productive in ways I can’t keep up with I want confirmation if I’m neurodivergent so I can face myself at least But it’s too expensive trying different professionals let alone fly to another country I just regret dreaming about my future & trichpking myself at this point I wish I was more realistic as a child

Nearly 23. I wonder what could have been if I'd been diagnosed and medicated properly earlier in my life. Or even just born without this genetic disorder in the first place. There is depressingly little to aspire towards

Thank you for uploading your video. This came at a time when I am really struggling. I've also been self regulating more but I haven't really thought of celebrating this. I thinks it is a good idea taking small steps.

Don't allow your diagnosis define WHO and WHAT you are. Labeling yourself as an "ADHDer" just makes it sound like you are unhappy with yourself. Just live life :)

I’m going through this too. I am glad I found this at the right time.

So proud and relatable

Love your content ❤

I've felt this way for the last 2 years! Literally was looking up jobs across the country last night 😂

For the lack of consistency in finishing a task, how about you create a standard procedure (SOP) based your typical good work, and follow the SOP to finish similar tasks? That I hope may help.