The Worst Things About Not Having Cancer

"bodies are weird" hits hard when you're chronically ill

my brain knows that you’re in your cutie little office but my heart feels like you’re in an evil lair

“the difference between fighting hard to stay alive and just being alive, is very big” i’ve never had cancer, but i’m currently in treatment for PTSD and this hit hard. still figuring out the just being alive part 😵‍💫

Also, you don't get nearly as many random pictures of pelicans when you don't have cancer.

As a Leukemia survivor, there's also the guilt around the person you were before- the pressure to find purpose/make the most of the time you earned fighting. There's a timeline where I didn't make it, and to /her/ I feel so much responsibility, and consequently guilt for not knowing how to or doing more.

"Just because something is unambiguously good news, doesn't mean that it isn't also super weird and super hard." That's an important message and it is all too easy to doubt when you're in the midst of it. Thank you for using your voice to give this a voice.

Yes. Thank you so much for this video. I’m an endometrial cancer survivor. It’s so hard to explain the “after cancer” experience to people. There’s survivors guilt and a sense of loneliness and your body is different and your brain is different. Cancer is more than just the cancer. It changes everything. Forever.

Pregnancy is really similar in that you have all sorts of appointments at the end, then...nothing. an appointment 6 weeks later and then that's it. It's nice to be fretted over, and it stinks when you suddenly feel alone

I discovered I have a chronic form of cancer, so it never actually cures (joy!). I actually had a bit of an opposite experience at being treated, everything was suddenly possible, some drugs that they normally don't want to give as they are addictive are suddenly prescribed (I'm being very careful with those) and I can message my doctor whenever. That sounds nice, but it actually makes me a bit more nervous, it never goes easily and now it suddenly does... that must be bad. :) But I do recognize that having it, also makes me care less for little things, appreciate things even more, kinda like that people don't overask me for stuff, etc.

Hank you got cancer like, 6 months after my aunt did. She had pancreatic cancer and passed away last summer. I couldn't watch your videos because of my negative emotions and I also felt a lot of guilt for feeling those negative emotions about you, a person I have watched for now over a decade and a person I greatly admire and highly esteem. Grappling with the fact that fairness does not exist and that sometimes we don't know why we get sick is very difficult given the culture and other forces that teach us that health is our individual responsibility. Feelings are hard. I'm still sad my aunt is dead everyday and I don't know when I'll stop.

Let me start off by saying I have never had cancer. I would never want to assume I can understand what another person is going through. I have had a near death experience though as 12 years ago I was attacked, robbed, and almost died. I would caution thinking that you need to do something amazing just because you didn't die. I believed that because I was still here I had some great important thing that I absolutely had to contribute to humanity. 12 years later and I have fallen back into what is considered the normality of life. I haven't changed the world, but I have done something. I have been here for my kids and my wife. A quote I love to think about when I get down about not doing more is, "To the world you are just one person, but to one person you are the world." It's ok to just be the world to that one person, or in my case three.

You're experience of being cared for constantly and then it just disappearing and feeling "forgotten" reminds me a ton of what being pregnant was like for me. You have care providers constantly checking on you biweekly or weekly there at the end, and then you go home and it all stops. Very odd experience.

This video honestly made me unexpectedly cry. I had brain cancer at the age of 6 and was in remission by age 11 and I hadn’t realized these feelings until you put them into words. Really made me feel seen because it is such a niche experience that so many around me will never quite understand.

I am a resident doctor in year 3 of 5 of my training as a radiation oncologist. Thank you for making this video! It's so helpful to understand your perspective -- these are not all things we are taught. <3

Who put the Poland filter on Hank 😭☠️

My friend has a type of ovarian cancer that grows slowly and does not respond well to chemo. She had chemo and surgery and is in remission, which most people treat as cancer being “over.” But she has chronic pain and long term effects from treatment akin to people with chronic illnesses. It also has a good chance of coming back at some point. We spend a lot of time talking about how invisible the difficulties after cancer are and how symptoms like long term pain management and quality of life are deprioritized by medicine because, hey, you’re alive aren’t you? Especially for women and other marginalized groups.

Got hit real hard with, “When big things happen to a person, the whole person doesn’t come through.” Didn’t see anyone say this, but it reminded me of healing from trauma. Also, I personally think the whole person does come through, but like you said, a person comes through changed or with added parts of themselves. So naturally that person would interact and feel differently about the world.

My Mom is starting chemo in a week and I can’t over state how helpful your videos have been. Thank you ❤

The idea that being interested in new things, feels like being interested in nothing, is a great point. I have been going through this where stuff I loved doing and working on, I suddenly didn't. Big changes cause big changes.

I had surgery and spent 4 nights in the hospital for the first time in my life at age 50. At the time I was a working mother. I fell in love with the hospital staff. I didn’t remember ever being so cared for. I learned that many cancer patients hate to leave the clinic. I think this says something about our culture.