Diogenes, the Publicly-Defecating Philosopher
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Published 2017-07-17
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Intro and outro song:
"Brandenburg Concerto No. 4 in G, Movement I (Allegro), BWV 1049" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
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All Comments (21)
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I don't think you quite managed to capture the pure HYPE of Diogenese kicking down the door of a lecture theatre, holding a plucked chicken above his head, screaming "BEHOLD A MAN!"
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“I pissed on the man who called me a dog. Why was he so surprised?” -Diogenes
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Another Alexander - Diogenes story is this. Diogenes asked Alexander what he was going to do with that big army of his, to which Alexander replied that he was going to conquer the world. So Diogenes then asked, "What will you do after you have conquered the world?" and Alexander replied "I will rest and enjoy my time." To that Diogenes replied "Well, look at me, I am resting and enjoying my time, and I didn't need to conquer the world to do it."
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My favorite anecdote of him was when some demagogue tried to debate him saying that "motion" did not actually exist, he just stood up and walked away lmao
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"I am Alexander, I can offer you literally anything." "k fam, get outta my way"
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"Diogenes, what are your reccomendations on the best kind of wine?" "Somebody else's"
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The whole, “Behold! Plato’s Man!” moment is so much funnier when you realise that Diogenes was a malnourished homeless man and Plato was an Olympic Wrestling Champion. Just some skin-and-bones guy throws a limp featherless chicken down in front of one of the most famous celebrities of his time and basically shouts, “FUCK YOU” in front of all his fans. I love it.
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There was a time when he witnessed an archer who was trying to hit a target but kept failing. Diogenes proceeded to stand in front of the target, declaring: " This is the safest spot."
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Greek philosophers were the edgelords of the ancient world.
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"The only place to spit in a rich man's home is his face" -Diogenes
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they killed socrates for asking too many questions yet they gave the guy literally pissing and shitting on people a pass 💀
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Nearly 9000 comments and no one has mentioned this anecdote of Diogenes: When the city where he lived was about to be attacked by an army, everybody started to panic and ran around aimlessly. Diogenes saw that, took his barrel and started to push it up a hill. Once he was up, he rolled it down again, and started over. When people came and asked why he was rolling his barrel up and down the hill he said: "I am just trying to make myself as useful as everybody else here"
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“The wise man at the nudist beach covers not his balls, but his face” -Diogenes (I think)
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When he was called out for touching himself in public he said “ if I could only rub my belly and make hunger go away.” He must have been really annoying. What a legend.
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Surprising how nobody has mentioned when Diogenes was exiled from his city he replied, "I condemn you to live in this city".
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Alexander found the philosopher looking attentively at a pile of human bones. Diogenes explained, "I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave."
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Man, shame you didn't mention the part about him walking around with a lantern during the day and shining it in peoples faces saying that he was 'looking for an honest man'.
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When Diogenes was to be sold to slavery, he was asked which task he was best at. He replied, "Being a master."
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I am downright appalled that Diogenes isn't talked about as nearly as he should be his life story is completely insane
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when we talked about him in school he was apparently some cultured philosopher, but irl he was a living shitpost.
